Graduation season is upon us and social media has been abuzz with snapshots of proud parents and their offspring. So it seems like a good time for this week’s Whiny Wednesday topic:
Feelings of jealousy when friends and relatives celebrate the milestones of being parents and grandparents.
As always, your other whines are always welcome.
Today I was asked the worse question ever: I was asked if I knew of any free clinic /low cost clinic that offer prenatal care.
We have friends who live out of state, and their daughter graduated from high school and they wanted us to stay with them and join in the celebration. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it because it would have been too painful. They posted all of the pics on Facebook and as much as I would have liked to be there, I knew I made the right decision by not going Just looking at their pics made me very sad that I will never share in that milestone with my own children. It just breaks my heart.
I understand. See this way we don’t have to worry about student loan debt either.
I know is hard. I am on the same boat.
In the last 2 months, an old friend from elementary school (my age, 45), became a grandmother (2nd daughter), attended her oldest son’s wedding, and her youngest daughter’s graduation. All May/June Facebook events. I can allow myself to dwell on the notion that her life feels like it should be much richer than mine. But, I’m not sure that that is the case at all. I have had and hopefully will have many more meaningful experiences, though they will never involve children of my own. My husband is recovering from a condition that nearly killed him. (He was hospitalized for 51 days.) I am grateful to be with him watching tv at home.
Graduations!
My sister just graduated. She got a masters. I met my husband’s friend boy.My husband invited his friend to come. I never felt so sad as I heard him telling the boy that will be you one day too. The proud parent telling his offspring you can achieve your goals! My mom then goes and wonder WHY WHY I did not feel like taking picture. How can you take pictures when you are surrounded by a group of people cheering for the offspring success. Also, I felt so sad thinking that I have no offspring to match him with in the near future. I was sad.
My sister has a 22 year old son who should be graduating college this year. Instead, he came home from inpatient rehab a week ago and immediately relapsed. About 5 days ago, I went to an intervention, convinced him to go to rehab again, and then he left rehab again 2 days ago. A friend of his OD’d last week and we are bracing ourselves for this possibility. My nephew has had mental health issues his whole life and I know that when I wanted to have a child, and my sister would bring up her son, it didn’t make me feel any better. But now I am able to see that having children is not all good times, and proud moments, and can really make you question whether parenthood was the right choice. I’m posting for the rest of you as a reminder that even some people with children are not celebrating this month, and are also feeling jealous of those people with kids who are accomplishing things their kids never will. They are hurting as much as us right now and find solice with people like us who are hurting as well. I hope that eases the jealousy within our group this month.
Thanks, Maria. Would also include parents with children with special needs who will never see those milestones. Let’s spread the compassion all around.
Maria, I find myself in a somewhat similar boat with my middle sister, although we have no idea what drugs my nephew has been on aside from marijuana. He is belligerent, angry, defiant, and has recently extended his ire towards his grandparents, who frequently dropped everything to help and encourage him when his parents couldn’t work together to parent him effectively. He’s moved out of the house and still expects his mother to support him without the slightest ounce of responsibility or accountability on his part. It’s hard to be envious of my sister. There but for the grace, etc.
I would have used the same words to describe my nephew – angry, belligerent and defiant — which is why he has difficulty with recovery because he won’t embrace the tools and methods to get clean. I have been going to naranon which is mostly parents and they talk of the same heartbreak we do – how it’s so painful to be around other parents who brag about their kids and accomplishments. My sister and I share in the pain even though the cause has been different and that has brought us closer together.
I agree there is no guarantee. I have a friend who lost her 14 yr old daughter to suicide 12 years ago and she was her only child. However, my friend is such an inspiration because she still has such a zest for life and doesn’t dwell on what she doesn’t have. Every time I feel sorry for myself I always think of her and try and remember the good things I have.
I have to say that my big regrets now are that I am not (geographically) close enough to my nieces and nephews to go to their graduations. I’d love to share in their big moments, but mostly I can’t.
Whenever my boyfriend’s kids (who are 18 and 21) do something that makes him bust with pride, I am reminded that I will never have that feeling, and that he’s okay with that.