By Kathleen Guthrie Woods
Among my darker days are those when I’ve wallowed in the belief that I’ve wasted my life. I spent my childhood, my teenage and college years, and the decades leading to my 40s dreaming about and preparing to be a mommy.
Joke’s on me, right?
Sure, I’ve had some fun adventures along the way, had some big career wins, made amazing friends, but I can’t help but think about what I might have done with those youthful years if I’d known in advance I wasn’t going to have children. I might have taken more risks (trained as a racecar driver), made bolder choices (I could have lived in New York—or Provence!), pursued different interests (culinary school, Taiko drumming, raising and curing my own olives).
As I continue to grow older (fortunately) and gain more perspective, I’m seeing that most of those opportunities are still open to me. And when I feel discouraged, I’m finding a lot of encouragement in the world around me.
Specifically, let me introduce you to Ms. Willie Murphy. In 2010, she started lifting weights for the first time in her life, beginning with five-pound dumbbells. In 2014, she was named 2014 Lifter of the Year by the World Natural Powerlifting Federation when she deadlifted 215 pounds. Did I mention she was 77-years-old at the time? (Watch an interview with her and see her lift here.)
video still credit: Lauren Petracca
And even though the world, especially the fashion world, seems youth-obsessed, take a look at the face of French fashion brand Céline’s 2015 spring campaign: writer Joan Didion, looking oh-so-stylish at 80!
photo credit: Céline Spring 2015 Campaign
“I never used the words ‘I can’t’,” Murphy says. “I would just simply say, ‘I will try.’” And those, my dear sisters, are words to live by.
Kathleen Guthrie Woods is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She is mostly at peace with her childfree status.
Thank you for the beautiful post! You, and the ladies you mentioned, are all such remarkable women.
As I get older I am making peace with my childless life. I have learned, and continue to learn, that if I focus on what I have lost, I will not be able to appreciate all of the beauty around me. It has been hard grieving at times, but it did help me realize that I needed to stop focusing on a dream lost and to learn how to be more present in each moment. I strive to focus more and more on the blessings in my life and even plan a few adventures for the future.
Yes! Amanda, I am so happy to read this, to hear how far you’ve come. This is what we’re all striving for. Thank you for sharing! Hope you’ll also tell us about some of your adventures.
On Monday I’m going on a vacation abroad for the first time in many, many years.
Since three years I have a really good job and since seven years I have a relationship with a man I want to grow old with.
So things are clearing up. And it’s about time since I’m 46 now.
I didn’t start to want a child until I met this man. Before that I wanted to meet Mr Right.
So I wasted a few of our years being sad and bitter. I know I couldn’t help it, but still want to get away from sadness and bitterness so I don’t ruin the love that finally came into my life.
Bad self-esteem is a big reason to why I don’t have children and I don’t want to let that destroy things any more, so it’s a constant battle to feel better about myself and forgive myself for past mistakes.
I want to start having fun, to become the eccentric, interesting childfree auntie to my brothers daughters and not the sad, boring aunt carrying her mistakes around with her.
If I’d known I wasn’t going to have children, I would definitely have taken different career steps during the last 12-13 years. You’re right though, it’s not too late to start. (Which is why my husband and I took off to Italy – and other places – for five months a year or two ago.)