By Lisa Manterfield
I nicknamed my infertility journey “The Crazy Train.” It felt crazy because of the endless cycle of doctors and opinions that never seemed to get results. It was crazy because of the rollercoaster of emotions I experienced, one day feeling full of hope and certain it was going to happen for me, and the next sobbing my heart out because everything felt hopeless. And it was also crazy because of the things I told myself, the beliefs I chose to adopt to get myself through the mess, the potions, old wives’ tales, and witchcraft (quite literally) I tried in the hopes of conceiving.
But when someone referred to me as “crazy” for what I did, I took offense. Because nothing on this journey is really crazy.
Everything I did was something that was right for me at the time. All my behavior came out of an ever-mounting cycle of determination and frustration. And only when I met others like me who’d also been on that journey, and also thought they were crazy, did I realize how absolutely normal I was.
So, if you’ve been feeling like you’re losing your mind or if you’re wondering if you’re crazy, rest assured you’re not. Because nothing is crazy on this journey; it’s all perfectly normal.
I agree, thanks for the reminder. After having been baby crazy, I can see how hurtful that word can be when its used to describe you. My mom was called crazy a lot when I was young (for other reasons) and now that we are both much older, I see how hurtful that was to her. I don’t use that word anymore. My mom is not crazy and neither are we.
Thanks for this! Yesterday was a “crazy” day for me. Trying to snap myself out of it today by coming on here. This post was what I needed to hear! I need to accept that some days are going to be sobbing pity party days, but other days will be much better. It’s been a long time since having one of those days, so I hope it is a long time again. Oh the roller coaster of life! Thanks again for letting me know I’m not alone!