Graduation season is upon us and social media has been abuzz with snapshots of proud parents and their offspring. So it seems like a good time for this week’s Whiny Wednesday topic:
Feelings of jealousy when friends and relatives celebrate the milestones of being parents and grandparents.
As always, your other whines are always welcome.
You feel jealous because its a sad reminder of what you wanted for you but sadly lost out on and it hurts when you see others enjoying those things and if social media upsets you then hide the things you find hurtful or don’t go on it.
I haven’t had it in a while but the jealousy bug got me this morning when you sister posted photos of her and my 15 year old niece touring London on a mother daughter trip. Such a great experience they are having together and although I know that I can take my niece on a trip any time, it’s just that I will never have that mother daughter bond that they have.
I struggled with this alot recently – friends son/daughters getting to that age now – they are all so proud. I was teary alot – i feel i’ve accepted it a bit more recently, although only yesterday a friend put posts on facebook holder her 1 year old at the party celebration – I’ve hidden these posts. It doesn’t matter how far you come there is just so much sadness and loss ( a layer of sadness beneath the many other layers – I thought of myself as a tree and it feels every other layer is actually sadness running right through me) – I do have other layers too and there is a happiness layer and a peaceful layer – but the sadness will keep coming inbetween for as long as i live.
I wouldn’t say its jealousy as such more grief and sadness for what you lost out on as jealousy is when you don’t have something and you don’t want anyone else to have it either and you want to take the item away from them or spoil it just to take it away from them and sadness at things you lost out on is not jealousy its grief.
I spent last weekend with my nephew and his mother, and I’m still feeling depressed. It was a nice weekend but no matter how hard I try, I will never have that kind of connection with him, or any child for that matter. I don’t think I will ever be able to spend another weekend with again.
If its going to upset you that much then don’t do it. I personally refuse to put someone else’s happiness before my own. They’ll soon get over being told no but you wont get over being denied a child.
Sherry, how old is your nephew? I took my youngest niece to Disney World in January, and most of our trip was without her Mom. When my sister did come, my niece continued to prefer sharing ride space and dinner table conversations with me. It’s not like being her mother at all, but it is something I don’t think I would have been able to experience if I were a mother myself. On the flipside, I was the oldest of all my sisters & cousins, so when I got to spend special time with my (then unmarried) aunt, I really enjoyed it. I encourage you to try again–but only on your terms, and if you want to.
It’s hard watching siblings become parents and going through all those fun events with their children and you’re always the photographer because it’s their event so why should you be in the picture. And now my nieces and nephews are getting old enough to have children so I get to watch my siblings become grandparents. And I’m still waiting for that illustrious title of “parent.”
Sherry–I, too, have experienced depression after spending a weekend with a niece or nephew or even just taking them to a movie and then taking them home. It’s so painful. I’m sorry. 🙁
The most recent round of high school graduations & proms hit me hard, & I am not looking forward to the next year: my daughter was stillborn 17 years ago this week. She would have been entering Grade 12 (senior year) this fall, graduating next spring and (presumably) off to university or college in the fall 2016. Several of dh’s cousins & my own cousins have kids who will be graduating next year too. Maybe I’ll start stockpiling alcohol now. :p 😉
Its not jealousy. Its grief and sadness because it hurts you to see others experiencing and enjoying what you should have had but sadly lost out on when your daughter died and it hurts.