It’s Whiny Wednesday, your opportunity to rant on a theme.
This week’s topic has been brought up by several readers:
Feeling that you’re expected to carry a disproportionate responsibility for the care of aging parents because you don’t have children to worry about.
Feel free to add your own whines, too.
This was always an expectation for me. My brother is mentally disabled and it was alway expected of me to take care of him when my parents passed. We thought I would have the help of my sister but as I’ve said in other whiny Wednesday post that my sister is so unrealistically selfish that she can barley take care of herself much less her two kids. I feel that everything is falling on me. My parents care, my brother’s care, and my niece and nephews care. I’m at the point I don’t care about my sister’s needs any more. Things have gotten so bad with her that after my dad pays off the loan on the house he is signing the house over to me and wants me to look into finding him a lawyer to help with a will that my sister can’t dispute.
Hi Kara – I feel for you – this is a huge responsbility on you combined with the difficulties dealing with infertility. You are right to start putting yourself at the top of the list and definitely your sister off it! I do hope things work out – your parents, brother and niece and nephew are very lucky to have you.
I worry about this with my FIL, not so much my parents. My whine is I’m tired of being called bitter because I don’t want to go to events such as a gender reveal. Cosmo posted an article that a lady who has children wrote how she doesn’t like them and when I agreed with her I was attacked by all these parents.
Have these “gender reveals” always been such a big deal? Maybe it just feels that way because I’ve never hated them so much as I do now. My niece did her “gender reveal” party on Tuesday night. She had her family travel 1 1/2 hours to be with other family so everyone was there in person. I’m glad I was too far away. Now I have to dread the baby shower.
I never heard of them until just a few years ago. (And, thank God & knocking wood, I have yet to be invited to one myself…!) Your question piqued my curiosity so I did some Googling & found this article. I suspected that Pinterest or other social media had something to do with it & it looks like that’s the case!
http://www.newyorker.com/news/daily-comment/narcissism-in-pink-and-blue
Yes I definitely feel pinterest made them more popular and people trying to top each other. Some are even expecting gifts when it’s not a gift even.
I was assigned the role of executor of my parent’s wills and the person named in the medical directive. My dad, discussing these things with me 3 weeks before his death, said he chose me for this job because out of the 5 siblings, I was “unencumbered.” And I thought it was because of my knowledge, skills and expertise. 🙁
CVB–
Ouch–I’m so sorry. That would hurt to hear those words. I’ve also been chosen as co-executor with my step-sister but I wasn’t given an explanation as to why me. I probably don’t want to know because I can guess. I’m in the “unencumbered” category too.
That’s harsh CVB. At least I’ve been told that it was for my knowledge, skills and expertise. For me this was all decided long before I was married and didn’t know there were infertility issues.
My husband is one of four brothers. The other three live overseas, and visit infrequently. Their absence, and rarer-than-necessary visits, are always explained away because of their kids. Two of them have cancelled proposed visits this year. Meanwhile we are here, and unable to consider working offshore even for a few years, because that would mean his ailing parents (who are 86 and 92) would be left alone at a time when they need someone the most.
Its truly unfair – we don’t just deal with infertilty its all the society/family impact and extra hurt that comes with it. I (with hubby) too have been solely responsible for my parents and FIL due to my sister in law emigrating to US several years ago and my brother being utterly selfish. We have this year just booked flights to go away this Christmas (after 19 years of marriage and hosting or visiting my parents/FIL xmas) this will be met with “emotional” guilt from my mother – of course if my brother were to (for the first time ever) invite her over for christmas day she would not give a flying fig where I was. I’m tired of worrying about everyone else – no-one has even tried to appreicate my feelings at any time of the year. Our parents are lucky they have us – we will not have any children thinking of us :-(( so sad (well if they were like my brother – that’s not such a loss)!
Not only that. I feel like I’m expected to bear more load at work because I don’t have to help my kids with homework at night or take them to the zoo on weekends.
This has been my experience at work, too – on our small team, the two of us without children at home were always expected to be available for anything outside of ‘normal working hours’, while members of staff who did have children at home were often excused. It was unbelievable.
Yes, we are suppose to split holidays at work and always get the well so and so has kids so they need off to spend with them. Sorry this job entails us splitting holidays, just because I don’t have kids doesn’t mean I don’t have plans.