This week’s topic is for those of you who arrived here via the infertility route.
Do you feel you were left hanging by the fertility industry?
Okay, I know that’s a loaded question, so if you don’t feel like jumping in on this topic, or if it doesn’t apply to you, feel free to bring your own whine to the party this week.
Oh yeah. This is a real sore topic with me. I got told it was either I tried to get pregnant or feel better (emotionally, depressed etc) not both. There was no attention to the whole picture at my clinic.
And then when trying to get help for other female issues I got told 3 times in 10 min appt with my gyne that I was a prime candidate for IVF. Excuse me. I am NOT going back to fertility clinic. I am not a prime candidate for IVF if I don’t even ovulate. Thanks for letting me know that you are not very well educated.
I would say yes for sure, I never knew so many women suffered from Endometriosis and I have found this out recently. I lived with the horrible pain for 18 years, I thought it was normal and being un-diagnosed until I was 30 and it was too late. So with no children and a hysterectomy at that age was devastating. We need to be more educated and so do doctors when it comes to this disease which can cause infertility. It’s awful, and I hope a cure will be found one day so women don’t keep suffering.
We were told (after filling out 20 or more pages of paperwork/survey in which we stated that we were not interested in IVF) that IVF really was going to be the best option for us on our very first appointment. Then when decided we wanted to know what the real cause of our infertility was, we didn’t get answers…just drugs to try. “Here, try this clomid, we’ll have you come in for all these vaginal ultrasounds, make your body and emotions go through the ringer, and hopefully you’ll be pregnant on the first go-round.” Well, after bleeding profusely for 40 days straight, to the point of almost being rushed to the ER in the middle of the night by my husband because I was losing so much blood all over the floor and unable to sleep, we had had enough. I got drugs to help me stop bleeding, and the fertility clinic had the audacity to think that I would want to try clomid again. At some point I wish that the fertility clinic docs had actually diagnosed the problem instead of going straight to drugs. And I wish that I had known that I was my best advocate. Now I know that. Hard lessons learned.
A great topic. By the time I was aware of. My own infertility, I spent years with other medical issues that needed addressing, about five years of going to different Drs to help with my health. When we got the green light to try, I was put. On clomid. 6 months of ups and mostly so downs, the went than infertility clinic. The thing that I was most surprised with was it felt like a factory, assembly line. And of course the miracle pregnancy that I kept waiting for. They never asked how I was doing or my husband with this situation. No one mentioned you could be happy with out kids, ever. Also they kept having options we could try, but never would say maybe you should stop. Or anything comforting either. My husband and I took it to the level we felt comfortable with, plus all the stress one marriage was tough too. I guess I wished someone would have asked how I or my husband was doing. With infertility no matter how hard you tried it did not happen. I was almost grateful I never got pregnant and had a miscarriage, that seems horrendous. Thanks for the topic.
Years ago when I was going through my infertility crisis (in the 70’s and 80’s) and there were far fewer options available than there are now, I think I saw the industry for what it was then, a potential profit making industry at the expense of my mental health. I am being very cynical here but I was treated by a lot of doctors in training who had little expertise and little concern for me since my monthly failures to conceive didn’t help their sought after “successful pregnancy statistics”. Drugs were prescribed with little concern for side effects, surgeries performed with little concern for the potential health ramifications. I do recognize that if I had achieved a successful pregnancy or pregnancies I would have a very, very different perspective. The fact that it was eventually learned that my infertility was caused by the drug DES (diethylstilbestrol) which had been given to my mother during her pregnancy with me to prevent miscarriage ( a drug that was later learned caused more harm than good) led me to get off of the infertility treatment merry go round. I just couldn’t deal with potential ramifications of potentially causing harm to a fetus, child or myself due to my need for a biological child. I feel for everyone who has gone through similar experiences with the fertility industry and it certainly doesn’t seem to be changing for the better. But I also have to remember, we are frequently a very difficult population to treat due to the intricacies of the issue and that is not really the fault of the industry either. A little more compassion would be helpful and maybe groups like this site will help to make a difference in that regard.
Oh, absolutely. :p It seemed like there was always some new carrot being dangled in front of me. My RE would be highly optimistic about my chances at one meeting and then pessimistic the next time I saw him. I’d already been seeing him for over a year before he finally decided he should have a look at my bicornuate uterus and suggested surgery (!) (after three IUIs with injectables on top of several rounds of clomid…). By then I was sick of the whole process & decided I needed a break — which became permanent. Nobody ever called me from the RE’s office to find out if I was coming back, and certainly counselling was never mentioned.
Yes, definitely identify with this one – I was left hanging on and off for 17 years of IVF treatment (7 in total). I was diagnosed with Endometreosis early on and told the only option for me was IVF. I believed it would work. Very early on it felt like an assembly line – no-one ever asked how I was or explored why it wasn’t working. I just booked onto another cycle as soon as the negative result was known. In
Oops – pressed the “post” early. Following on:
In all these years no-one mentioned my tubes nor the endometriosis not for 17 years . I guess with 6 IVFs not ever making a pregnancy it was not considered. – until the first success with IVF (that was with donor eggs) 18 months ago resulted in an ectopic. I don’t think I have ever felt so low – it was then a case of no medical reason for this to happen but you are now at a higher risk of ectopic. More surgery to check my remaining tube was suggested (with no costs or recommendations available and not performed at my then clinic). I felt completely sick – to think they could have prevented an ectopic with better and more thorough investigations left me traumatised for months. I couldn’t face more surgery and had promised myself that the 7th was the last (I was 46 at the time). I am now 48 and can no longer receive treatment at our Bristol UK clinic. I was never spoken to with any compassion and really feel completely let down by the whole industry that I put my utmost faith in – would I have made different choices sooner – who knows. I still blame myself – for believing mostly what I needed to believe and not asking enough probing questions. I’m gradually learning to let it go and believe we did what we could for as long as we could stomach it. It should have happened but it didn’t and we are not less than because we didn’t get to hold the baby of our dreams. I am grateful for this site and for knowing we are not alone – the isolation and the feeling that IVF works for everyone but me is hard to deal with. I can see from this site and the many struggles that this is not the case. Thank you for this site
I never did IVF, et al. The closest I got was checking our insurance to see what was covered (nothing). At the time, we had no money; my husband was in the Army National Guard. He had already spent one year away at the border during our engagement and was literally one day from leaving for Iraq when his orders changed. Not knowing his status and if he would even be around – it made me hesitant to jump onto that merry-go-round. And as disappointed as I am not to have had children, in learning more from all of you and your experiences, a part of me is glad I did not. That said, as I have learned more about the industry – and that is exactly what it is – I get angry. There is a radio spot for a local clinic that plays on my way to work and the second it comes on, I change the station. I have not quite figured out why it upsets me so much. Is it because I did not ‘try’ hard enough? That somehow I am to blame for my situation? Or I don’t want others to succeed where I did not? Or that I think they are playing with emotions? All of the above? Sigh…
I never got very far with it. I was hesitant in the first place due to hearing about how all the hormone treatments can cause ovarian cancer, but decided I would at least go for some tests since my insurance covered part of it. I also figured I might regret it if I didn’t at least find out what it was all about. My boyfriend had already done his part with the Urologist, so at this point I was really looking for tests for me as a start. Then re-evaluate to see if we wished to move further. Well, the first doctor I made an appointment with I ended up canceling. The office staff insisted I provide my boyfriend’s information, kept telling me how wonderful my insurance was and that I should consider IVF. Hello! I hadn’t even seen the doctor yet….. So I did some more research and made an appointment with another doctor. Office staff was much better so I actually made it to the consultation. I let the doctor know that I knew my chances were slim, I was 43, and wanted to start with just a couple of tests to see if I wanted to move further. He reluctantly agreed, but not until we spent 30 minutes reviewing all the procedures he wanted to do on me, some covered by insurance and a lot of it not covered. He also became upset with me because I wouldn’t share my boyfriend’s information at this point, and he kept trying to talk me into doing IVF using a donor egg when I specifically said I didn’t want to. By the end of it I was frustrated with the fact that I felt I had to negotiate with the doctor before he reluctantly agreed to do just the couple tests I wanted. (By the way, these 2 tests were required by my insurance and nothing else was covered unless these came back with good results) When I spoke with my boyfriend about what happened and how uneasy I felt, he confirmed my feelings that this just wasn’t for us. I then got the bill for the 30 minute consultation; the doctor billed $300 for that 30 minutes, My insurance paid $120 of it and I had to pay $180. — You’ve got to be kidding me, he charges $600/hour and he didn’t even do anything!!! This was a real eye-opener; fertility clinics are business, not medicine, and they prey on women when we are at our weakest.
The more I read of the comments on this topic the more I marvel at the strength and resiliance of the individuals who post on this site. i am overcome with respect and awe!
I was in a position where we needed donor sperm and tried at 30 years old. I met with a “specialist” after failed tries and was told there should be no problem with getting pregnant and last chance option could be IVF. I was never told the 10% statistic rate and the success rate for potential IVF. 8 years later when I DO go for IVF, the RE cut my vaginal wall, did not tell me. I bled for over 2 hours before going back to and needed stitches. Low and behold, the clinic could care less. The last chance option I had with my prepaid plan (which I depleted all my 401-K and savings for) apparently I did not have any eggs on my left side due to a new “magic” med I had to pay 1,000 out of pocket for and the staff never told me I had no eggs. The RE told me he retrieved 2 after I awake (I never met him before this). Needless to say, I never had any successful embryo transplants and I have an empty bank account to show for it. I feel that if the doctors were honest 10 years ago, I could have made different choices.
I avoided the fertility treatment world like the plague, even though I knew that I would not be able to conceive without intervention because of being in a same sex relationship. I also have PCOS, which complicates things. I found a wonderful OB who worked with me to get me to ovulate regularly, and I tried acupuncture, eating right, meditation, etc. When that failed, I reluctantly returned to the RE’s office and was told IVF would be my best option. I just can’t reconcile the medications and the injections, without even knowing what they will do to my body long term. And any time I broach the subject, the fertility doctors poo-poo my concerns. I just don’t feel good about going down that road, and if you aren’t willing to try everything according to their plan, they are reluctant to work with you because as other posters have put it, you will mess up their “numbers”