Thanks for not rebelling after last week’s missing Whiny Wednesday post. This week’s topic is for those of you who arrived here via the infertility route.
Do you feel you were left hanging by the fertility industry?
Okay, I know that’s a loaded question, so if you don’t feel like jumping in on this topic, or if it doesn’t apply to you, feel free to bring your own whine to the party this week.
I jumped ship pretty early. Never did anything beyond a consult with the infertility dr. When we found how difficult/expensive it was going to be to get OUR baby and not a sperm donor baby (I know some might think what is the difference but this was a big deal for both myself and my husband and they couldn’t say we could absolutely have a baby that way anyways) and all they were pushing was a sperm donor baby we just went home rethought, prayed, talked, cried, studied, and 4 months later just said this was our port….time to get off this ship.
I felt like the infertility industry could not care less about mine or my husbands well being. They would never tell you to stop or what the odds might be, just keep going. It felt like a factory more than anything else. My husband and I decided to stop after what was suppose to happen for us body wise was not. My biggest compa,isn’t is the lack of compassion or concern for the patients and what they were experiencing.
I had a similar experience. Walking ATM instead of desperate patient.
When we first started on our journey I found it hard for a dr to take me serious at first to give me a referral for an infertility dr because we started trying when I was 22, so by 24 I wanted some testing done when we had no success. Took awhile and a lot of dr switching to find a good one, by the time we started with an infertility clinic it felt so long after we started trying. While I liked the clinic I found, I felt they were very money hungry instead of maybe being more compassionate and helpful. While I live in a mandated state, insurance companies find ways to get out of it. Looking back it might sound terrible but I don’t know if I’d do it all over again with treatments, knowing we’d only have losses.
That’s terrible! I started trying shortly before my 33rd birthday. When I started seeking fertility treatment at 34, Doctors would also brush off my age because I was “under 35” and I didn’t have to worry because it’s “not like you’re 40”. That would really frustrate me.
Fall apple picking and pumpkin patch pictures.
I am shocked by the extent to which I was left hanging by the industry. I was left with no answers, feeling entirely screwed over by them. I believe the clinic mismanaged the first cycle I had by blasting me with extremely high doses that were not appropriate for someone with very low ovarian reserve; the embryologist then literally laughed out loud at me when I asked if the protocol had been suitable. I stuck with them for a last-ditch cycle where they pumped me with the Pill and daily estrogen but I was feeling ill on it – they were visibly annoyed with me when I told them I was suffering bloating, aches and pains and bleeding – the consultant told me to accept it: my body was just “disorderly”. When I insisted on a hcG test it turned out I was 5-6 weeks pregnant and they had been treating me / scanning me / administering drugs whilst I was miscarrying. The news was conveyed to me over the phone by a very cold doctor who said ‘Have a good weekend’ at the end of it. The cycle was cancelled. The only further contact we had with the clinic was that we wrote a letter of complaint about it, and received a reply implying we had ‘sour grapes’. I wonder if I should have sued, but I was so tired of being in the rabbit hole that I was just relieved to have stopped treatment. So yeah they left me high and dry really….
With our first RE yes I felt like we were left hanging and pressured into doing something we weren’t ready for. Our second RE was honest with us with what our options were and that the results with couples in our situation can vary. He gave us all the information and didn’t pressure us into anything.
As with any Medical speciality there are good and bad doctors. With infertility I think it’s important for every couple to get second opinions so that they aren’t getting one side.
I don’t know if I can say I was left hanging, but I certainly got the sense that my doctor didn’t care much either way. And that he was looking at me as if I wouldn’t make it from the get go. Not a shred of optimism in the man. He kept making the lame joke that I was a “young 42” – but that was followed by the casual explanation that my age was still a bit advanced for a natural a baby. In his defense, he did non-chalantly explain to me before anything happened that my best chances were to surgically remove the fibroid that I still have to this day and then go for donor eggs.
But what novice to the fertility game wants to start off with a recommendation for both surgery AND someone else’s kid??? I mean, seriously, I was still in shock that I even NEEDED help to have a baby. Of course, I immediately said no to both. I was sure the IUIs would work for me. And when they didn’t, I was sure the IVF would work for me. But both bombed. In fact the whole experience was an awful, hormone-filled nightmare that I never want to repeat.
Maybe I should have looked elsewhere for another doc or done some more research before getting into this in the first place. But in retrospect I can see that the donor egg and surgery was my best chance if I really wanted a kid. And even if the egg was not mine but I carried the child I think I would have been ok with it. So it is a regret I have to live with.
I just don’t have the heart to blame that wide-eyed and frightened 42 year old for making the choices that she did. Because I truly believed I was making the best choice for me.