Back-to-school season is upon us and social media has been abuzz with snapshots of proud parents and their offspring. So it seems like a good time for this week’s Whiny Wednesday topic:
Feeling left out when friends and relatives celebrate the milestones of being parents and grandparents.
As always, your other whines are always welcome.
Kids around here have been in school a month; so I went through that already…but it is my nephew’s 10th birthday today…lot of where has the time gone from my sister and mom.
Doesn’t help that my car “turned 6” this week. We got this car with babies in mind. Now it is just a constant reminder of what I don’t have. As soon as we are done paying off my husbands car I want to trade mine in for something ridiculous…like a sports car with no back seat!
Kara… I leased an SUV when I was pregnant… I hated the car since the day I miscarried. The lease was up 2 months ago and I got a convertible. I had a convertible 15 years ago and this new one makes me feel like me. It’s more expensive than I wanted to spend, but god, I love it!!!!! The “old” me is gone that I know, I can’t “recapture” her, but I do feel an old sense of self…. which is awesome. get the sports car – you won’t regret it!!!!
I drive my Altima like a sports car….lol…probably not smart but it is a V6. I really want something like a Mustang Shelby GT…right not my husband says no because he thinks I’ll end up in a tree. LOL. But we are a good 5-6 years from paying off his car and by then I’ll be over 40 so maybe he’ll be okay with it by then. 😀
I have always been amazed at the way parents drive to get their children to school. They do not follow the rules and regulations of the road. They believe that their children getting to school out trumps you trying to get anywhere. I have seen them drive down a left had turn lane to pass everyone and get in front of the line. And speeding like a friggin Nascar driver. Here in Northern California we had two mothers in the space of a week, drive off the road and into rivers where their children drowned. Four little girls killed because their mothers were going to fast or distracted or whatever. The mothers survived, one was on the roof of the car when help got there. Why wasn’t she in the water trying to get her little girls out of the car. I will never understand the powers at be that decided these women should have children but I should not and cannot.
I can definitely relate. I am a teacher and the traffic situation during pick-up and drop off is an absolute nightmare.
In my area, there was a car full of mothers who were arrested and issued a DUI after being caught smoking pot in celebration after they dropped their kids off. I will never understand the karma.
I am so grateful that as a teacher I get to enjoy many milestones like the first day of school etc. I know I’m very lucky with that! It’s bittersweet though as I only have this snapshot in their lives. After my high school kids graduate I rarely get to go on with them to celebrate weddings, babies, grandkids. A few do keep in touch, but most of them stay connected through social media. I know I’m lucky to have this amazing job, and I keep telling myself I wouldn’t have it if I had kids of my own since it is extremely demanding (and utterly rewarding).
I just finished reading “I’m taking my eggs and going home” and the book has really changed my perspectives on things so it’s hard to whine after that, but I will say, I’m sad that I’ll always struggle with missed milestones and what might have been, but hopefully I’ll take what I’ve learned and get through it, one day at a time.
Back to school has been hard on me this year. I live in parentville and the house we bought with children in mind stays empty. I see the kids walking to and from school and sometimes I just have to turn around and try to get myself back together before heading off to work. My husband finally agreed that selling the house would be best for us and we could move to some high rise or farm away from this constant reminder of empty. So far the house hasn’t sold and I’m probably stuck here until next spring. If this is some test of patience I’m failing miserably.
I had a moment the other day thinking of the baby we had briefly thru our adoption and he is close to starting school age. And I had a moment and wondered if he was starting school. We have a godchild the same age he is, so sometimes it’s a blessing and sometimes a little bit of a trigger. But I think I would be triggered anyway because so this letting go process and the fact we had a bab y in our home. One of the ladies talked about her cat, I bought a suburbs in mind with driving my kchild around, and in the beginning it was sad. But I guess with having to out our dog down she was more in my mind. And I got her to deal with infertility and she was such a blessing and a joy and quirky as all heck. I was grateful she was with us during that time and she was around for 5 years after that adoption interruption. And now, I know although I would have loved to be a mom, I do enjoy the freedom this life of mine brings. I think the other thing that helps is continuing to add and build on my life, hobbies, interests, friends, at times some of my family. For me the real test in Halloween and the cute kids and there costumes, than I can really see my progress. It does get better, I promise! Hugsxo
Oh I could really go on and on about this one…Parental Milestones…back to school pictures, graduations, weddings, school programs, starting to college, then theres the little things…shopping with the kids, a now that we are senior citizens and our friends are retired going on vacations with their kids driving…we have had to learn to shell out more money by taking bus tours so we dont have to drive long distance…plus the fact their kids help them when they are older and cannot get around like they used to…we on the other hand just hang onto each other for dear life when stepping off a curb
As a teacher im looking forward to going back to school.Im so eager to meet my new students and fill my childless life with their noise laughter and concerns.so i really never felt left out during this season.My kids are waiting for me
As a teacher im looking forward to going back to school.Im so eager to meet my new students and fill my childless life with their noise laughter and concerns.so i really never felt left out during this season.My kids are waiting for me
I had to listen to two of my coworkers go on and on about their kids starting another school year. One of them even started crying, and it was all I could do to not cry because I have never experienced that milestone, and will never experience any of the other wonderful mile stones. I feel totally empty inside
I’m right there with you Sherry. My best friend was crying at the start of the year because her youngest was starting school and was so upset that they were growing up so quickly, she just felt as though time was flying by and she was losing them. It’s hard to explain that everyday I feel like her. Time is flying by and I’ll never have those moments. It is a very empty feeling.
I wonder my friend who posted today about homecoming dress shopping and how she cherishes her daughter asking for her opinion, remembers that at one time we shared the struggle of infertility, and she won, & I didn’t?
I spent Labor Day weekend at work having two parents talk non-stop about sports milestones then the Homecoming Dance. This was with with me at the desk between them. I literally had them talking over my head. For Three. Whole. Days. Torture.
I started working in adult education this year and it is interesting to see that it gives me a perspective of Milestones to be achieved again. For example I have responsibility for the Students in a new class that just started and I know that I am supposed to accompany them through their whole studying time, eventually seeing them graduate in 4 years time. Even though they are not children, it is interesting to be given such a long-term-perspective Task.
My whine is parent Problems in my closest friends. If I am honest, there are some Problems they have which I just can’t understand. my one best friend keeps whining that she doesn’t have much money to spend, or example when we go out for a meal. That may be true, apparently the Family tries to strictly follow a budget. But what I see is that she lives in a nice big house with a garden and a homecinema and sauna in the Basement and drives a big car. I own nothing like that.
The other friends (married couple) are constantly whining about exhaustion and to much to do and not getting enough childcare and dayschool and they had Problems finding an au-pair. Their attitude is like they are totally entitled to get any help they imagine with the kids. But hey, both parents work part-time while still earning enough to also enable the Family to live in a big house, with garden and car. And the wife is also studying and doing volunteer work in a professional association in her profession, while the husband not only works part time on IT-Projects for a Company but is also writing an IT-book in his own time (ok, this will further his Career, but nobody ordered him to do so). Plus it was their decision to live in an idyllic countryside – where there is no daycare available. That was all their own choices, so why do the have an attitude as if the whole world in General owns them support?