When a reader suggested this week’s topic, I spotted myself immediately. The topic is:
Staying busy to fill the hole of being childless
Work, hobbies, school, projects, friends in need, volunteering: Have you packed your life with busyness in order to fill a gap?
It’s Whiny Wednesday. What’s on your mind today?
Yes, I have done this and all it did was add to my stress level. Now, I give a lot of thought before I say yes. And I usually ask myself, do I want to do this, how will I benefit from doing this, how will doing this make me feel (good or bad). I was amazed to find that I was saying yes to a lot of stuff I had no interest in doing, that did nothing to improve my personal or professional life, and made me very unhappy. I’m not as busy but I’m doing what I generally enjoy and its making me a lot happier.
The reason I came to this site was to whine about something else. My sister asked me to host a baby shower for my nephew’s wife because, she said, I am the only person in my family with a house large enough to accommodate the number of guests, and she did not want to pay to host the party at a restaurant. I told her, I can’t throw a baby shower, I can’t even attend a baby shower. Her response, “ohhhhhhhhhhh. (pause). I forgot.” I predicted she would ask and had practiced that answer so when it happened I was prepared and not terribly hurt. But I was so disappointed in her.
Maria, good for you for saying no.
Maria – well done indeed. I understand you being disappointed – I’m disappointed so much in my mum for not having a clue at the pain and sadness i feel. You’re an inspiration – we must let people know the truth and be honest – even when we wish they could be a bit more understanding and not actually put us in this awful position in the first place.
Thank you both. I read your words – your an inspiration – and got choked up. I’m glad you feel I am making a difference.
Hi Maria – yes you’re definitely making a difference. Sharing your experience in standing up to family members gives us courage too. Thank you 🙂
Nope…unless you count reading.
I love to read. Right now I’m working my way through the Outlander books (again) by Diana Gabaldon . That is no small task. Those books are 800-1100 pages each. And at the moment there are 8 of them.
But I don’t feel the need to fill my time with other things to feel busy. To make up for not having children. I do my thing, I’m a housewife, my house is clean (except my kitchen…I hate cleaning my kitchen. Does my husband really have to use a plate at every meal?! 😛 ), I babysit when I’m needed, but I have a lot of down time. I use that time to take care of me. Do what I WANT TO DO.
As an American, for a moment this morning I felt grateful that I don’t have children in this world. Those lost pregnancies mean that my children never had to experience a world so filled with intoletance and hate.
My fear is not who became President but Americans reaction to it. Riots, crying, depression I have never seen an election like this in my lifetime
I know… I am of Latin American origins and my husband is of Middle Eastern origin. I would hate to feel what our kids would experience at school, if other kids repeat what their parent’s say at home. It is a sad time.
I began volunteering at an animal shter after my 3rd miscarriage. I needed to feel like I was contributing something. Nobody can accuse me of being one of those selfish child free people now (sarcasm). It makes me upset that I felt this way and thought that I had to prove worth somehow, but there it is.
Travel is the only thing that allows me some relief. But of course when I see families having fun on a trip, it brings the grief back. I’m tired though of always feeling like I have to divert my attention elsewhere so I don’t dwell on the constant feeling of emptiness, so I often wonder how I will handle it when I am unable to travel.
I do what I love to do. I crochet, Play games on my tablet, my husband and I just got into Jigsaw puzzles, we travel, we joined an excercize Health club (one connected with our Heart Hospital so geared towards Senior Citizens), we have a 50+ group that has several monthly luncheons and activities.
In our younger days we traveled, via motorcycle, RV, tents etc now it is bus tours
We have learned to live life one day at a time, one moment at a time and face each day anew
great atttitude! Wish you many happy years together living it up!
I don’t think I’ve deliberately packed my life with busyness to fill a void. I found that when I was really depressed during the dark years of IF, I felt desperate because I seemed to spend 90% of my waking time at work in a dreary office. I was too drained to do anything else. It was making me suicidal almost, what with thinking my life had no meaning AND I was tied to a desk all week. Ironically, giving myself more time to do less made me busier – I cut my work hours and became a lot happier. At first I rattled around the house a bit, not knowing what to do with myself. Then I took on a course and started blogging. Nothing major. But just by reducing the demoralising, awful crap in my life (work! office!), and increasing my spare time (having one day off), I became a lot happier. What you fear – having time to fill – can actually be the making of you.
Really good advice – think this is where I’m at. I want to “de rat my race” and free up more spare time. Work less, spend more time enjoying life – reading, watching TV, going to the theatre or drinking coffee out. Yes, time to reduce the crap 🙂