This Saturday is Bonfire Night in the U.K. As a child, it was one of my favorite nights of the year, second only to Christmas Eve.
We’d have a bonfire in the backyard, and my dad would bring home a box of fireworks to set off and a couple of packets of sparklers. We’d have baked potatoes and roast chestnuts, and my mum would make parkin and gooey, delicious bonfire toffee. It was an evening spent outdoors, clustered around the fire. It was about friends and food and a little bit of danger.
It’s one of the many things I miss about my homeland, and it’s one of the traditions I would have enjoyed sharing with my children. And that’s the topic for this week’s Whiny Wednesday:
Traditions you won’t get to share with your children
Happy Bonfire Night and happy whining.
I feel the pain of this. As a stepmom with no children of my own, I’ve tried very hard to create our own traditions in with my SS. I remember my mom making every holiday special and the occasional holiday out of regular day as well. Over the years he’s participated, but not seemed especially appreciative. In his late teens, he participated sparingly. Now he’s got a child of his own, I was excited to again do something special. I worked at creating a special treat for him and his child for when they stopped by on Halloween night and they never showed! It’s been an increasing disappointment that I can never share all the wonderful, creative fun that my mom shared with me. It makes me ache.
I loved bonfire night – the treacle toffee, the parkin, the jacket potatoes, the smell of fire in the air. My mum made a big deal of it and I’m nostalgic to this day. I think I have too many self-defence mechanisms and denial modes going on, though, because I find it hard to imagine doing it all with my own child. Maybe it’s because I’ve been in very Catholic countries for years and haven’t seen any traces of Bonfire night since the 90s; or maybe it’s because I’ve managed to 100% shut down that part of my brain when it comes to imagining celebrating things with children. Probably the latter. I’m more likely to describe it to my partner and want him to see it. Adults tend to appreciate the historical continuity and the nostalgia better than kids do, anyway (I tell myself…).
When I was a child I remembering thinking how much fun it would be to keep all of our family traditions alive with my own children. Slowly as I got older I started to see my dream slip away. I watched my sibling have children and carry on certain traditions and I just started to go cold to almost all of them. One of my sisters used to encourage me to make our own traditions just me and my DH. She gave me all these ideas but just talking to her about it I felt myself shut down. It was just another one of those stir up hope things only to be let down again because traditions are not the same when you don’t have kids. its almost like whats the point. My DH isn’t really that big on traditions either so that doesn’t really help. I think though that it might be one of our self protection defense mechanism to not make a big deal about traditions because it just makes us face reality that we don’t have anyone else to share them with.
For me a family Christmas is very high on my list of ‘won’t get to do’ and making a novelty cake for each birthday, as my Mum did for me. Yeah, it makes me sad ; (
I think about this ALL THE TIME! Making memories was one of the things I was most looking forward to as a parent. A weird thing I’ve been thinking about lately is my recipe collection that my children would one day ask me for their favourites to make for their own families. My husband doesn’t care about traditions so I think why bother for all the work just so I can celebrate. It seems such a waste to buy holiday decorations that only I will enjoy.
This year I’m not even sure if I’ll decorate for Christmas.
I didn’t put up decorations last year and I’m not sure I’ll do any this year. My husband isn’t really into tradition either so decorations really don’t mean anything to him. I feel the same why bother if i’m the only one who cares. I decided unless he starts to care and or wants to join in decorating i’m just not going to do it. It makes me sad but makes me even sadder to spend the time decorating all by myself.
Especially this time of year when I get all the emails of matching family pj’s for Christmas it makes me sad I won’t be able to do that. My grandma always gave us new pjs on Christmas Eve to wear that night and I wanted to do that when I had kids. Thanksgiving is also a big all day family day full of traditions for my family and I wish I had kids to share that with.