Last fall, my husband and I spent our hard-earned vacation time at a couple of popular amusement parks, taking in shows, attractions, foods and beverages not on our usual healthy meal plans, and rides. Due to an old injury (I’m fine), I couldn’t go on any of the tossing and twisting, dropping and diving, violently fun thrill rides, and I was okay with that. I enjoyed people-watching and reading a good book while my husband took advantage of my pass to experience all those rides twice then come back and give me a play-by-play.
After one such ride, he all but sprinted back to me. “I’ve found a ride for you!”
As he led me across the park to the place he had spotted, he gushed, “It looks perfect for you! It’s like riding a giant swing. It sways slowly as you ride over the park and take in all the amazing views, and I know you are going to love it!”
My anticipation and excitement grew as we waited patiently in the long line alongside families with young children. And then it all came to a screeching, sickening halt. For at the boarding site there was a huge sign that proclaimed:
I’m sorry: What?!
“I HATE this fudging place!” (Um, okay, I didn’t say fudging. It was not my finest moment.)
My husband trailed behind me as I stomped off. “Maybe you could borrow a kid?” he suggested, his own disappointment on my behalf evident in his tone. I gave him a glare that could melt a glacier, and I swear some of those parents in line pulled their children closer.
Even as I write this, months after it happened, my blood continues to boil. Why wasn’t I allowed on this ride? Why couldn’t I have had just a few minutes of childlike glee? Why must so many fun things be the exclusive right of kids and their parents? Why me?!?
I don’t have answers—or I don’t have answers that fully satisfy me. I am certain that the slights we childless women endure are not all intentional, while I am also certain that they feel like they come in wave after crashing wave.
I want to give you a happy or encouraging ending, or some wise insight, but I don’t have it in me. I still had a good vacation. I enjoyed the playtime with my husband, I enjoyed many of the other experiences the parks had to offer. But the slight still hurts, and it makes me want to hit someone, specifically the doofus who came up with the “must be accompanied by a child” rule.
Kathleen Guthrie Woods is occasionally not at all at peace with her childlessness.
I feel slighted every time I read about the fun and expensive things people without children get to enjoy… I still can’t even have that thanks to chronic illnesses that drain the life out of me and the money from my husband.
Meg,
I feel for you and I am really sorry about the chronic illnesses.
Just yesterday a relative was asking me why I don’t travel more often to visit them since I don’t have kids, live alone…so on and so on.
What do you answer to somebody who doesn’t and will never understand?
I just said: some day…
Yes, this. I too want to DO so many things, can’t afford it and too sick to earn it.
Grass is always greener… but sometimes I feel like my tiny plot of land has NO grass, just mud! And my neighbour is always complaining about how the grass is greener beyond THEIR lawn, but I can’t see that far… I mean no disrespect to the neighbour! They often can’t see my own yard – usually because I’ve built a big fence around it… hm… this is a metaphor needing more thought…
To those of us with less, for whatever reasons and in whatever ways, may we all find joys where we can; may there still BE joys somewhere in our own plots of land, and if we can’t find any now, may we find the seeds, and the water needed, to someday grow something, something maybe unexpected, something worthy, to feed our souls! I may not have the energy now, but I have hope…
I love this, Robin. Your attitude is beautiful. 🙂 Yes, there is hope!
</3 it's so sad how they exclude the adults who are childless .. feel so left out at times.
I guess their rationale is that the ride would just be hogged up by adults. They should have specific hours for adults, not unlike “Adult Swim”.
That stupid sign should have been at the start of the line. That’s terrible. Ugh.
I think that’s really sad. It makes me think of not just the adults (like me) who don’t like the scary rides, and want or need something more sedate, but those who are forever in a child-like state, though their bodies are those of adults.
How short-sighted of the management. Though they probably think they’re protecting children. Sigh.
Yesterday, I came across a thread on my city’s local FB page. A post was put through the monitor that stated she wanted to remain anonymous, but what could be done about all those people in the park without children? Turns out an elderly woman had struck up a conversation with her asking about her dogs and her kid who was playing and I guess that was too much for her. She signed off with those stupid %$&*ing #”mother’s instinct” (Sorry, I hate cheap memes) Made my blood boil – because that is what I am staring at in the future.
It did cause quite a stir and on a happier note, renewed my faith in my neighbors because apparently this elderly woman is known in the neighborhood as just being friendly and more than a few questioned the selfishness of this mother. Parks are for EVERYONE. Not just those with kids. (Because if that is the case, you can return my tax dollars, thank you. ) Gah, pissed me off. I was going post a rather stern reply, but they actually had to close the thread. I hope that woman feels like a fool.
(And I have got to wonder if said elderly woman has any idea she was the topic of a very public conversation.)
Wow! I’m always amazed at how motherhood effects people’s brains, like the entire universe should rearrange itself to suit her family’s needs. This woman truley is blinded to her selfish and brazen ideas. Close the park to those without kids? Are you kidding me? I agree, I hope the backlash showed her how much of a fool she is.
Sadly, she is not alone in her thinking. While on strike a few years back, we were signing up for picket shifts and I hear one colleague suggest people with kids should sign up first because they have childcare to consider.
My blood boils just reading about this, Marci. And all that elderly woman was doing was being kind and neighborly. Grrrr… Glad to hear the other neighbors rose up to her defense.
Something similar happened to me and it was the most humiliating experience of my life.
The shortest version is an acquaintance I knew through a local group ran into me one day coming from the doctors. I was upset, I just had my fourth miscarriage, it was a rough appointment. She was a very kind woman, very concerned and came to check up on me a week later. We began talking, and a bit of a friendship formed. She extended an invitation to a lunch she hosts with a group of women and was nudging me to attend to ‘get out of the house and socialize’, something that I actually felt I needed- so I accepted.
Problem was, right as I arrive at the restaurant I get a message that they are just next door, running a bit behind. ‘Next door’ is a children’s indoor play gym. I try to go and wait at the restaurant, but they couldn’t keep the reservation so now we’re eating an hour later. No big deal…except where do I go? I didn’t drive there, so I have no choice but to stand outside or go into the children’s gym place to wait with my ‘friend group’.
Of course there is an admission to get in, and I can’t ‘loiter in the reception area’ so I’m forced to fork over close to twenty bucks just to sit there watching other peoples kids play. I try to suck it up and have a good time, but it was awkward. My friend and I were talking for a while, but then she had to attend to one of her kids, gets up and the whole seating dynamic changes and there I am sort of in between two groups- the ones I’m ‘with’ and another group of moms. The other group of moms strikes up a conversation with me, and it’s going quite well until she asks me which child is mine. I say to her I don’t have kids, I’m here with a bunch of friends waiting to be seated for lunch.
She turns to me in a very rude tone says ‘That’s weird. You shouldn’t be in here without children of your own’. I’ll admit, I was so shocked at her aggressiveness and tone I rolled my eyes and said ‘Whatever lady’, and just got up and moved to another spot beside where my friend put her bags.
Then the management comes up to me. They ask me which one is my child, to which I explain right in front of the group of women I’ve been introduced to, that I’m here to go to lunch with them, that I don’t have any children. My face is turning red, everyone is staring. He says very loudly that there was a complaint that I might be there for nefarious purposes and that I’ll have to leave because I’m upsetting the other patrons.
I’m wildly scanning the group of ladies, expecting one of them to pipe up to my defence- but they are strangers to me, and are shifting their eyes away. I look for my friend but I can’t find her, hoping that she could speak up for me. I repeat again that I was asked here by my friend, and look at the group of women who I’m supposed to be eating lunch with and one of them says to me ‘It is kind of creepy to be in here without kids”
So there I stood, in a room with probably fifty other women, hastily being escorted out of the place without a refund of my admission etc. I’m in tears and sobbing by the time I get outside, and my friend finally appears. I say to her I’m going home and she looks shocked like it’s crazy for me to be so upset about having to wait outside. ‘Well to be fair, I would probably think the same things as those other women, adults in kids places are a red flag. Your not a mum, you don’t understand’.
I’ll be honest, I was upset, I yelled at her. I told her that she was the one without understanding, not me, and I hope that she and her mommy friend felt good about themselves, real heroes. I remember the last thing I said was that my aunts decrepit blind, deaf spaniel had more insight than the whole lot of them combined. THen I turned around right as I walked away and said ‘Actually scrap that, I don’t want to insult that poor dog by comparing it to the likes of you repugnant women’.
As I’m walking away I hear my ‘friend’ say loudly, ‘Sheesh, and you try to help some people and be nice to them’.
The only positive of that day is that after that I never really felt sad about not being part of the ‘mommy club’. The experience also made me wonder and question every time I hear a mother talk about ‘the crazy weirdo who made her nervous’ while she was out and about with her kids, it’s probably just a childless person who could care less about her kids, who’s just trying to live and enjoy life out in public.
Dear Foxglove, this is horrific and I’m so sorry you were subjected to this hideous treatment. I’m glad you feel safe here so that you can share it and get support, but am so very sorry that any of it happened. I am without words. Just sending a big hug.
Oh…wow. Just wow. I am so sorry this happened to you. Those women were awful — the ones who pegged you as “nefarious” but more so the ones you were supposedly friends with, especially the one who knew you more than the others. How awful on just every level. I’m glad you told them what’s what. I was rooting for you through this horrific story, and I’m sorry that people suck so much.
I too think this is horrific foxglove. That’s just an awful thing to go through. Lately I have really been hating people because of hearing and experiencing things similar to this where people are so narrow minded and stupid
Dear Foxglove,
I’m so sorry to read about what happened to you. The way you were treated by the management and that terrible group of women is unforgivable. But this woman who was so clueless in her “help” is the most insensitive of all.
Sending you a big hug. I’m so sorry.
Lisa -x-
I’m so sorry, Kathleen! I was so excited that your husband had found a ride for you, and then…. My heart still aches and my eyes are still filled with tears. I’m usually really good at finding the bright side or looking at things with a different, positive perspective… But, like you, I just don’t have one this time. I agree that the rule “must be accompanied by a child” is a stupid rule. Hugs.
I’m so sorry that this happened at the amusement park! Why must everything be so exclusionary? It makes me so mad. I agree with others that there should have been a sign at the beginning of the line if they’re going to have that policy. I mean, can you not go on the teacups without kids? I could maybe understand if there was a whole “kiddie” section, MAYBE, but to have such a serene ride experience be relegated to parents-and-children only is just crappy. I wonder if they would have challenged you if you’d just said fudge it and gotten on anyway? Then again people have an amazing ability to humiliate people for things out of their control. I’m sorry, and I’m furious with you. Fudge that place, indeed.
Some of the stories here are horrific. 🙁 Parents today have gotten so paranoid about how other adults are out to “get” their kids — I am so glad I grew up at a time when my sister & I roamed around as we pleased & nobody really worried about us unless we didn’t come home in time for supper. :p Personally, I think most kids could benefit from having more adults who are not their parents involved in their lives — and who has more time & money to lavish on them than their aunts & godmothers & parents’ friends who don’t have their own kids? Their loss. 🙁
It’s so sad that we are unnecessarily excluded from so much just because we don’t have children. I don’t think MOST parents mean to be unkind — but I also don’t think they realize the extent of what we put up with, or how hurtful it can be to be overlooked and ignored (and not just once or twice or occasionally, but many, many times over weeks, months, years…). Foxglove’s story is the perfect example of one indignity piled on top of another. No wonder you flipped out!!