My mailbox is feeling bloated. No sooner did the election junk mail end than the holiday catalog avalanche began.
I’ll admit I do get a degree of pleasure trying to figure out how I got onto some of the more obscure mailing lists. But I also want to know why I get so much kid-oriented marketing material. Someone clearly has not been doing their demographic homework.
Which bring me to this week’s topic:
People who assume you have children
It’s Whiny Wednesday, so feel free to air your grievances.
Gerber and enfamil were the ones that pissed me off the most. I would get samples and huge coupons in the mail. I had to call Gerber twice to get them to stop. And I had to explain to them that they were causing me nothing but heartache because we just found out we couldn’t have kids and we were not going to be able to adopt. And I made the poor girl on the phone feel horrible but I didn’t feel bad for her because of how they made me feel.
People assume, people guess…
People don’t see us, don’t have compassion…
I have found that the people who assume and ask about your presumed children, have children. Just like people who are married assume you are married or in a relationship. We all have experienced how a “no” answer to these can quickly become awkward and suddenly, not the asker’s responsibility to deal with the outcome. Instead it becomes the answerer’s who is put in a spot to explain (or worse, defend), or help the asker feel not to awkward.
It bothers me at times. Others, I just say no and the let the silence hang. Once a coworker went on the path of, “you will, your time will come, there’s still time, there’s always adoption.” I smiled and said, “I’m ok without children. They aren’t a part of plans for my future that I’m considering.” And that shut her down.
As a result, I try really hard to have a set of “get to know you” questions that don’t have to do with family, work, hobbies that require resources, etc. My first go to is, “how do you spend your days?” It’s given people the open to share some fun, probably less likely talked about pieces of their lives!
I am a toy-maker! And I am pleased to say, most people do NOT assume I have children (even tho so many other toymakers I know make toys BECAUSE they have children…) but I have been doing it for way longer than ANY of them, and when those rare folks show up and say, “You must have children!” and I STEAMROLL over them and say “*I* am the child! *I* am the one who looks at the world with WONDER and DELIGHT and LOVE!!” bwa ha ha! Gee, I’m not very whiny, eh… but I do get pissed off when people insist toys, and play, is ONLY for children. What a dull, horrible world that would be! PLAY is what keeps us sharp!
It’s rare folks who ask if I have kids, and I jump into my song and dance about how great the toys I make are (ahem, sales pitch) so they have no chance to ask further, “why not?” I think I would find that upsetting – as a toymaker, with the talents and appreciations I have, I’d’ve been SUCH a great parent! but! That’s a conversation I’m quite skillful at avoiding, so… I can say whatever I want here, and out in the real world, well, I’m just trying to make a living as a toy-maker…
How timely! I was getting a pedicure this evening and the woman seated a few seats away casually assumed the women painting her nails had children (she did not). It was all I could do to bite my tongue … I did, however, give the rude woman a tongue lashing in my mind, and was glad when she finally left a few minutes later.
P.s. Gave you and Kathleen a shout out in my latest blog post: https://blog.silentsorority.com/darkness-musings/
Thanks for the shout-out, Pamela. Hope your toenails are fabulous despite the unpleasant company.
Yes… the clothes company I shop with online who kept sending me special offers for maternity clothes or breastfeeding-shirts… they just saw my age and gender and assumed. they stopped after I emailed them, tough.