A TIME magazine cover story awhile ago, “The Childfree Life,” came with an image of an attractive (and color-coordinated) couple lounging on a tropical, white sand beach, seemingly without a care in the world, resplendent in their designer sunglasses. That image prompted this week’s Whiny Wednesday topic:
The assumption that if you don’t have kids you have money to burn
Whine away, my friends.
Money is funny. I don’t feel I have money to burn but I do have money to do what I want. Just because I don’t have to buy a tiny human stuff/things/wants/needs doesn’t mean I have more money than you I just get to spend it on what I want to. I have a mortgage and car payments. We have doctor bills to pay for and normal life things to deal with. We just have money for us and not for the 4-7 kids your have to spend money on.
I don’t have money to burn! I am a 54 year young, divorced, and I am my sole provider… enough said….
Amen Analia! My husband and I have separated as of this fall due to him changing his mind about children and the lifestyle he wants to lead. After years of living comfortably, I bought the home from him so my mortgage has skyrocketed and I am reinventing myself and assessing my finances. Doesn’t help that we live in one of the most expensive cities in North America. I would like to go ahead and have a baby on my own, but thought of daycare costs, furniture and car seats gives me anxiety.
I understand…
I don’t like when friends try to make me feel bad that we’re able to travel so often because we don’t have kids. I research our trips far in advance and always get good deals. Plus we work hard so I feel like we should use our vacation time and enjoy it. We aren’t millionaires which parents make it seem like we are.
The other day when someone said that to me I just looked at them with a very serious expression and said, “You should be grateful to have your beautiful children. I wasn’t as lucky, because my babies didn’t survive. I hope you know how lucky you are–I’m sure you would not trade your kids for any amount of money.” I figure, I get enough preachiness so why not give some back. The person did have the grace to apologize and look embarrassed. I’m really into giving it to people with both barrels of bluntness these days.
Amelia- I so love that you stood up for yourself, for all of us really. I’m quite sure the words wouldnt have come out as smoothly or eloquently from my mouth if someone had angered me with the money comment. Showing grace and patience are lovely qualities, but sometimes blunt is the only way to get through to others the reality of their comments.
Peace to us all in our journeys-
Andi
Thanks Amelia – well said – love your comment “both barrels of bluntness”. Its time we informed people of the reality. And yes, its down to hard work and planning (and what about the years of sacrifice or paying for treatment that led only to disappointment). Also, what about the fact that even if there are 2 or 3 holidays a year – what about the rest of the 300 plus days of the year. I’ve worked full time since I was 16…… Bout time I say! I needed a whinne this week! Thanks everyone as always
Someone once said that to me, and they had their daughter in private school. All I said was, “our travel costs equal your private school fees.” It made them think, and realise we weren’t rich either.
OK here is what I am dealing with…My husband passed two years ago, so let his Nephew have my late husbands trucks on the grounds he would send my payments…well took an entire year before payments were made…now it is like getting blood out of a turnip…I have to ask every month…seems they think since I am a childless widow I have all kinds of money…
Well yes my husband left me with a substancial life insurance, and I can travel and live comfortably in my home in a gated community but Guess what? We also worked 37 years at the same compay for our retirement…
Its none of his business what I do…If you owe someone, you owe someone period…instead of taking advantage of a widow
Nita – I am so sorry – this is out of order and completely unreasonable of your nephew – so disappointing when you help someone out and they take liberties. You shouldn’t have to ask for the money. Is there anything you can do?
This is a good topic for a whine! These days, as we and many of my friends are dealing with aging parents (or in-laws in my case), I will often pointedly note that we have to sort ourselves out in good time, as we don’t have children who will do everything for us. And we will have to pay for the help many people get for free from their children. It all balances out.
Before it was known I was infertile, we were debating having kids at all, because poverty. STILL in poverty. Hell, if I’d had children, we’d be better off financially because taxes pay child benefits! Child benefits would be better than I earn as an artist with ill health. fml. sigh.