November is the month for Bonfire Night in the U.K. As a child, it was one of my favorite nights of the year, second only to Christmas Eve.
We’d have a bonfire in the backyard, and my dad would bring home a box of fireworks to set off and a couple of packets of sparklers. We’d have baked potatoes and roast chestnuts, and my mum would make parkin and gooey, delicious bonfire toffee. It was an evening spent outdoors, clustered around the fire. It was about friends and food and a little bit of danger.
It’s one of the many things I miss about my homeland, and it’s one of the traditions I would have enjoyed sharing with my children. And that’s the topic for this week’s Whiny Wednesday:
Traditions you won’t get to share with your children
Happy Bonfire Night and happy whining.
We always got new Christmas pajamas on Christmas Eve and I always loved going to the candlelight service at Church. I’ve also always imagined baking and making gingerbread houses with my children.
We grew up making elaborate gingerbread houses with a bunch of friends every year. We’d spend months planning and gathering materials for them. It was always a big deal. My mum also did a lot of holiday baking, and we got to help. No kids means I can’t do it with them, and I really have no reason to ever bake fun treats because no one is around to enjoy them. Besides these there werent any traditions I actually liked enough to want to pass them on, but I had hoped to start my own.
I always wanted to read my favorite holiday books to my kids. I also wanted to take them ice skating and sledding. The list goes on and on and on and on…
Instead of lingering on what will never be I now forge ahead with new traditions. For example: inappropriate gingerbread cookies. Maybe this year I’ll make a house for them.
I guess not being able to have kids has stopped me from becoming an “adult.” It keeps the holidays joyful until I have to see the extended family and all the stupid new diaper wearing members. But who wants to be an “adult?” Remember how boring they were? If you don’t next time you come across one just listen to it yammer on and on about daycare and pediatricians. Your eyes will glaze over. I promise. Then, instead of feeling sorry for yourself try feeling sorry for them. I know sometimes it’s easier said than done. But try.
One of the traditions I was hoping to pass down, was the love of the outdoors. My husband and zi both love to camp, together and with our friends. I imagined bringing or son on these camping trips,and instilling in him this really fun tradition. My 2 brothers and zi bake around Chrostmas with A Johnny Mathis Cd playing one the background for years. Or just going to your child’s open house at school and being so and so parent. This time of year is tough, it’s the anniversary of the time we adopted a infant boy , it was his birthday the other day. After 10 days with us , his parents changed there mind, and despite our strong desire to become parents, my husband and I made the heartwrenching decision to give him back to his birth mother and Dad. So much effort went into getting this far, weekly phone calls to the birth mother, , developing a website, home study, and a fair amount of money. This was incredibly devastating and traumatic to both of us. I thought I’d never heal, but very slowly I have gotten better and less bitter and angry. But the triggers are there, and now a lot of my friend kids are having grandchildren, that’s another adjustment . Thanks for this blog, to talk about this things, that I feel
That a lot of people do not want to hear about. Hugs, prayers and positive thoughts for healing to all of use.
Christmas… Baking, singing the Christmas carols together, decorating the tree remembering all the places and people we associate with the ornaments. I do these traditions on my own but today as I was sorting through all the Christmas stuff it hurt that there will be no fighting about who gets to put the star up top on the tree… My parents are growing old, and I see that once they are gone I will have to do Christmas with other relatives and I will not get to ever establish my own traditions with my clan and live them out in a group. That really hurts.