Life Without Baby

filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

It’s a zoo out there

Last weekend, Mr. Fab and I visited the Oregon Zoo. It was a beautiful day and we visited the elephants, marveled at the lions, and had a very cool, fun time hanging out in the bat house. I saw Naked Mole Rats, almost saw the critically endangered Amur Leopard, and learned why tigers have white spots on the backs of their ears. When it got too hot, we stopped in a café for a cool drink and snack, and when we’d seen enough zoo we took the MAX back to our hotel and had a pleasant afternoon nap.

If you’re still trying to reconcile the idea that you’ll never be a mother, the zoo is a hard place to visit. Kids far outnumber adults and it can be an emotional minefield with all the cute doe-eyed babies peering at you from their strollers at every turn.

On the other hand, if you’re starting to come to terms with being childfree and looking for some benefits of not having kids, I can strongly recommend a visit to the zoo. For every sweet cherub, you’ll find a red-faced bawling toddler, or a demanding preteen tapping on the glass of the chimpanzee enclosure right next to the sign that says; “Don’t tap on the glass.” Most of the parents at the zoo looked fried, as if they’d rather be anywhere else, and I couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit smug, because Mr. Fab and I chose to be there, and chose exactly when we wanted to go home.

When you’re ready to look for the silver lining of being childfree, trust me, you’ll find plenty of examples, including the joy of an adult trip to the zoo.

Book Club and 30 Day Challenge

I know I don’t usually post on Sundays, but just wanted to give a quick reminder that the Book Club is up and running on the main LWB site.

Last month we read Emily and Einstein by Linda Francis Lee. That discussion is now under way on the group forum. July’s pick is Room by Emma Donaghue. We’ll start discussing that August 1. If you’re bookily inclined, jump in any time.

And for those of you who took up last week’s 30-day challenge, how’s it going? So far I am 9 days into my own challenge to move for 30 minutes every day. I took a Zumba class this week. Very fun. Let me know how you’re doing.

Craft Nerd

raycannonfeltet.jpgI am a craft nerd, or maybe a more accurate description is “craft groupie,” as I don’t really participate, I just collect and admire.

I jumped on the scrapbooking bandwagon a few years ago, bought a bunch of paper and funny scissors and made three stunning pages of scrapbooked photos. The rest sat in my closet for years until Mr. Fab finally convinced me that perhaps someone else might enjoy them more than me.

My friend Roberta is an ace stamper. She makes and sells cards, teaches classes, and writes for craft magazine. She has an excellent blog called Creative (Un)block, packed with creative ideas and she inspired me to try a little stamping of my own. I made all my Christmas and birthday cards one year, half the next year, and three the year after that. Last year I ran to Target at the last minute when I realized there was no way I was going to get around to making my cards.

I have three unwearable sweaters that I knitted, and another three or four in various stages of completion. I own colored pencils, paints, and have a burning to desire to grow and can my own food, learn to make cheese, make a mosaic fountain for my patio, and learn to draw the human form.

Somewhere inside me is a creative bug dying to get out, but somehow time, priorities, or passion get in the way of my aspirations.

Which doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate and even envy creative talent when I see it.

I stumbled across The Smallest Forest blog recently and got such a kick out of her post Embroidery: the tear away transfer method. I thought, “I could do that.” But honestly, I don’t have a talent for drawing or the patience for embroidery. I loved her Secret Message Ninja, too, but I wanted to have the idea, not necessarily copy it to get my own Secret Message Ninja.

I’m becoming more realistic about my desire and intentions regarding craftiness, but I still love to browse a good magazine, website or blog and dream about what my crafting life might be.

My local knitting shop, Cast Away, has a great blog with links to other projects.  Personal favorites include Ray Cannon’s miniatures.

Organic Gardening Magazine makes me want to tear up my yard and start a small farm.

Roberta’s blog reminds me that I could make cards if I wanted to.

The Cheese Queen has everything I’ll ever need to know when my desire to make artisanal cheddar gets the better of me.

Do you have a creative talent? Please share your passions, your projects and your favorite places for inspiration.

The LWB 30-Day Challenge

As you’ve probably noticed, I’ve been on a bit of a health kick lately. I’ve had a couple of minor health thingies this year – nothing serious, but just enough to remind me that I have to take care of this body of mine if I’m going to make it to 90 and do all the things I’m planning to do.

I’ve been eating healthy, cutting back on the things I know I’m supposed to cut back on, and I’ve been feeling way better. But the one problem I have is that I sit at a desk all day.

I’ve read several articles recently (like this one) about the ill effects of a sedentary life, and even though I do exercise, I’m concerned that I just don’t move enough. So…for the next 30 days I am going to move for 30 minutes every single day. Doesn’t matter whether it’s walking to the Post Office, going for a run, or boogying in the living room to some 80s tunes, I am going to move my behind.

Here’s my challenge to you:

What do you need to do to be good to yourself? Do you need to drink more water, get outside more, take your vitamins, do the back exercises your doctor gave you? What do you need to do that you’re not doing now? Do it for 30 days. Start today until the end of the month, or if you’re deep into a relaxing weekend or the long 4th July weekend here, then start next week. But start. Pick a challenge that works for you and do it.

I am going for a walk at the beach now, but I’ll be checking on you as the month goes along.

Going Meatless

Over the past several months, I’ve been watching my weight slowly drift upwards. Well, more accurately, I’ve been completely ignoring the fact that my “fat jeans” are now tight and that I wear the same three outfits because nothing else fits.

I have a million reasons and excuses for this, but I won’t bore you with the details. Suffice to say, two weeks ago I decided to take the bull by the horns. I set myself a goal and made a plan for how to accomplish it.

It’s not going to be anything surprising here, ladies. I need to eat more veggies and less chocolate, and I need to get away from this desk and move my chair-shaped posterior more than just to the fridge and back. I know what to do; I just need to do it.

Oh, and I’m also going meatless.

Now I realize that three readers in Texas just fainted at the idea of giving up meat, but it’s not such a big deal in our house. I was a vegetarian for 15 years and Mr. Fab is happy to eat my veggie creations most of the time. I started eating meat again about 10 years ago and I’ve noticed a direct correlation between the amount of meat I eat and the size of my thighs. So out she goes.

I’m in no way trying to convert anyone here, merely informing (and hopefully entertaining) but if you’re thinking that a little less meat in the diet may do you a world of good, check out the Meatless Monday campaign for information and recipes to get you started, and Vegetarian Times for more inspiration.

Tomorrow night I’m making Cuban Stuffed Peppers. I’ll be sure to report back and post the recipe, once it’s passed the Mr. Fab test.

And one more random fun item for today. I just stumbled on this recipe to make your own Goldfish crackers, including instructions for a miniature goldfish-shaped cutter! Love it!

Travel: Back in the Big Easy

Continuing the new tradition of posting about something fun on Saturdays, I thought I’d share with you my recent trip to New Orleans.

I love New Orleans. I love the food, the architecture, the history, and even the climate. I love the easy pace of life that’s forced upon you there by the heavy atmosphere, and the mood of the residents, who never seem to be in much a rush to go anywhere. I walk differently in New Orleans, slower and with a relaxed saunter. I even find myself adopting that soft, warm, Louisiana drawl that seems to have no use for half the letters of the alphabet. There’s a good reason the city is known as the Big Easy, and I love it.

I hadn’t been to New Orleans since before Hurricane Katrina hit in 2005 or last year’s Deepwater Horizon oil spill, and I wanted to go back to see how much of the city I loved had physically and psychologically survived.

I’ll admit I was nervous to go, afraid that the city had gone, and also wasn’t sure at what point it was appropriate to be a tourist in a place that had seen such devastation. This year I decided it was time.

I’m happy to report that the Big Easy was just as I’d remembered it and the message from its people is, “We’re still here. Y’all come on back.”

While we were there, we took a Katrina Tour, again not sure where the lines between genuine historical interest and opportunistic tourism blurred together, but I’m very glad we did. We traveled through the Lower Ninth ward, one of the areas most heavily hit by the flooding. It was truly shocking to see how many houses were boarded up, their doors still showing the painted marks left by the National Guard search and rescue teams as they logged their findings. It was also shocking to see just how many house were gone. I mean, just gone. Nothing left but the outline of the foundations and, in some cases, a set of concrete front steps.

Our guide pointed out a street sign, about 14 feet above the ground, that still showed a brown horizontal mark where the muddy water had reached. I think that was the most shocking thing of all for me, to see that and realize that everything around me, including myself would have been completely submerged.

But amid all this devastation were many signs of hope. Many homes had been repaired and repainted, and local businesses have opened their doors again. We traveled through a neighborhood that has been completely rebuilt through a foundation started by Brad Pitt. All the homes were designed by renowned architects and built to prepare for the chance of flooding again. That area of the city stands about ten feet below sea level, so at some point, it will flood again, although hopefully never with such devastating consequences.

The most optimistic sign of recovery I saw was a vegetable garden, neatly planted in someone’s front yard. For me, that garden was a statement of determination and permanence.

So, if New Orleans is on your list of places to visit, but you’ve been hesitating, go back. The city needs tourism and, just as it’s always done, it’s ready to make you feel welcome. Oh, and if you go, have a soft-shell crab Po’ Boy and a Mint Julep for me, would you?

Book Review: Savvy Auntie

Melanie Notkin created the Savvy Auntie website as a gathering place for childless and childfree women who play an important role in the lives of other people’s children. It’s a big shout out to those of us who share our time with nieces or nephews, or are “aunties-by-choice” to the children of friends and family. Now she’s written a book by the same name.

In Savvy Auntie: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers, and All Women Who Love Kids, Notkin quickly dispels the myth that women without children are lonely, bitter, and don’t like kids. She refers to herself as a PANK – “Professional Aunt, No Kids,” and says, “I don’t have kids, but I’ve got five amazing nieces and nephews by relation, a beautiful goddaughter, a fabulous career, amazing friends, I travel a ton, and I always go to the best restaurants in the city.” Far from bitter and lonely!

Notkin keeps this fun-loving tone throughout the book, with silly tidbits, such as how to say “Aunt” in 28 different languages, how to throw a killer 1st birthday party, and her Auntiescopes, which define auntie types by birth sign (and are dead accurate – at least for Aries Aunts!) But Notkin balances this with practical information and useful advice about taking care of other people’s children, finding age-appropriate gifts, and answering those awkward questions kids often ask their aunties. She even discusses how to deal with other people’s good news when you’re still dealing with your own grief and also offers some comebacks for those prying questions people ask about why we don’t have kids of our own.

Savvy Auntie is a book I wish I’d given when I was 15, when my first nephew was born, but it still makes for a fun read 20-something years later.

It Got Me Thinking…About Being Fruitless

By Kathleen Guthrie

fruit•less adj 1: Failing to achieve the desired results; unproductive or useless syn barren

Oh, how I loathe these words. They’re ugly, judgmental, and just plain mean when used to refer to those of us who are childfree by chance, choice, or circumstance.

I could mull on this for days and work myself into a righteous funk. However, I think instead I am going to celebrate just how fruit-full I am. I’m going to fill my great-great-grandmother’s crystal bowl with lemons to brighten up my dining room. I’m going to make cherry pie and eat it for breakfast. I’m going to sprinkle chunks of watermelon with thinly sliced basil and balsamic vinegar (try it, it’s delish). I’m going to eat plump, juicy strawberries till my fingers are stained pink!

“Useless”?! I don’t think so! Creative, super-productive, and full of fun is more like it.

Kathleen Guthrie is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She’s mostly at peace with her decision to be childfree.

The Rose Run for Breast Cancer

If you happen to be in Petersburg, Michigan, look out for the Rose Run coming up on July 16th. Even if you’re far from Michigan, you can still participate in a virtual run (or walk) to support this important cause.

My friend Jessica Cribbs founded the Rose Run in 2009 in honor of her mother, Rose, who lost her battle with Breast Cancer earlier that year. Jessica is 100% dedicated to her crusade to raise awareness and funds to fight this disease and I really admire her for her determination.

It’s paying off, too. In 2010, the Rose Run raised $10,000 for Breast Cancer Research and this year “virtual” teams have already formed in Boston, Alabama, Los Angeles, and Afghanistan.

I’ve signed up and for my own one-person virtual event and will plod around my favorite 3.1-mile loop in Howarth Park in Santa Rosa. Please consider joining me where you are. All you have to do is sign up online and do your run or walk wherever you are.

The event is five weeks away, so if you’ve been looking for motivation to get moving, this could be it. My training starts on Monday!

A Blog Post About Nothing

They say that when you don’t have anything good to say, say nothing at all. Well, I can’t do that, can I?

For today’s post I intended to reignite the Cheroes series with some new gems I’ve found, but it’s been a long week and I’ve run out of energy, so instead I thought I’d leave you with a short verse from one of my favorite Cheroes*, Pulitzer Prize winning poet, Edna St. Vincent Millay.

This poem sums up exactly how I feel about my life right now. More about that later though.

Second Fig

Safe upon the solid rock the ugly houses stand:

Come and see my shining palace built upon the sand!

* In case you missed the National Women’s History Month series, a Chero is a childless/childfree hero.