Life Without Baby

filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Anyone for a Book Club?

I must confess that I’m really enjoying these Saturday morning posts because they’re forcing me to think about some of the things I love, instead of only thinking about not having children. This is good for me, and hopefully good for you, too.

On my list of things I love is reading. I love books – fat ones, skinny ones, weird ones, funny ones – and I’m always on the prowl for a good book recommendation. My good friend Kathleen (who writes the Monday “It Got Me Thinking” column) runs a fantastic book club in San Francisco. I’ve tried to attend, but my recent schedule has caused me to miss the last two meetings and I’m jonesing for a good chat about books.

So, it got me thinking…why not start an online book club here?

I’m envisioning reading a book a month and then meeting either at a given time on the chat or throughout the month on the forum. I will put together a short list of books to begin with. Once the group gets going, we can all decide what to read next. My only caveat is that the books we read have nothing whatsoever to do with not having children!

Any interest in this idea? If so, post a quick comment below and join the Book Club Group on the main site, and we’ll take it from there!

Book Review: The Barrenness by Sonja Lewis

In her debut novel, Sonja Lewis tackles a subject that rarely makes it into fiction: the decision to have children or not.

In The Barrenness, Lewis tells the story of Lil, a successful Porsche-driving executive, in fictional Riverview, Georgia. When the childless aunt who raised her dies, Lil returns to the tiny rural town where she grew up, to take care of her aunt’s final wishes. There she becomes embroiled in a bitter battle with her late aunt’s stepson, over who should rightfully inherit the house where Lil grew up, but in which the stepson now lives.

As this story unfolds, Lil is faced with her own ticking clock as she acknowledges her aunt’s sadness at never having children of her own. Lil has always expected to have children, but as she nears 40, she realizes it’s now or never. The problem is that the one man who holds any possibility – the delicious Danny Hatcher – has a teenage stepdaughter and no desire for more children. Now Lil must decide where her priorities lie, and if motherhood is something she is willing to fight for.

The Barrenness mixes family drama with romping romance, all with the undercurrent of Lil’s desire for motherhood and the decision she must soon make. Lewis’s talent lies in her vivid portrayal of life in The South and the rich characters she brings to life, from Aunt Mamie with her no nonsense lilting drawl to the villain, Will, and his nasty street talk. Lewis turns the spotlight on the pressure many women feel to squeeze through the window of fertility before it closes for good.

Food: Greek Salad = Summer

Continuing my new tradition of taking a break from talking about “it” on Saturdays, I thought I’d post something on one of my favorite subjects: food!

Here in the U.S. it’s Memorial Day weekend, which for many people, marks the start of summer. For me, however, summer doesn’t really begin until I make my first Greek Salad. With fresh-picked, sun-ripened tomatoes, crisp cucumbers, and fresh herbs, tossed with salty feta cheese and plump kalamata olives, one bite can transport me to the shore of a Greek island, with fishing boats bobbing in the harbor and bouzouki music drifting from a nearby taverna. Heaven.

In our house, this summer tradition usually involves me picking the ingredients fresh from my garden, but this year, between a busier than usual schedule and our attempts to live in two different places, 400 miles apart, I have ended up with no vegetables planted in either place. Undaunted, I’ll be trawling my local farmer’s market, waiting until I can get all the ingredients there. Because, yes, you can make this salad in December, with ingredients from the supermarket, but honestly, why bother? When your tomatoes have been picked while they’re still pink and shipped from Mexico, no amount of imagination is going to conjure a Greek island.

So, here is my Greek Salad recipe. It’s stolen straight from Epicurious.com, my go-to place for recipes, and was first published in Bon Appétit magazine. It takes about a half hour to make, but tastes better when it’s made a couple of hours ahead of time. You can use it as a side dish with a chicken kebab or a lamb burger, but our favorite way to eat it is as a main course, with a loaf of crusty bread and a bottle of chilled rosé – eaten al fresco, of course.

Lisa’s “Summer’s Here!” Greek Salad

Ingredients:

  • 3/4 pound tomatoes, seeded, diced (about 2 cups)
  • 2 cups diced seeded peeled cucumber (from about 1 large)
  • 1 cup diced red bell pepper (from about 1 large)
  • 1/4 cup pitted kalamata olives or other brine-cured black olives, halved
  • 1/4 cup diced red onion
  • 3 tablespoons chopped fresh Italian parsley
  • 3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
  • 1 1/2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
  • 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
  • 1/4 cup crumbled feta cheese (about 2 ounces)

Preparation:

Toss first 9 ingredients in medium bowl to blend. Gently mix in cheese. Season with salt and pepper. (Can be made 2 hours ahead. Let stand at room temperature.)

Silly Saturday: Bold Facial Hair!

Photo courtsey: Wicked MonkeysBy Kathleen Guthrie

This has almost nothing to do with being childfree.

In Norway over the weekend of May 14, more than 150 contestants from around the world participated in the World Beard and Moustache Championship. In 17 categories, men’s facial hair designs were judged on size, grooming, originality, and how “good-looking” their style is. Medals were awarded.

While I’m initially drawn to the freak-show factor of the elaborate creations, I ultimately think, BRAVO! I love that these men have found a community where they are appreciated and celebrated. As Bruce Roe, president of a Washington-based Whisker Club and a multiple winner said, “The championships are an excuse for us to get together with our friends…I have some trophies, but the best part is the friends I’ve made through the years.”

Certainly, many people would look at these gentlemen and judge them as a sub-class of society. Funny, that sounds to me like how childfree women are often viewed. And, just like these fascinating bearded guys, we are ignoring our critics, demonstrating that we are fun-loving humans, reaching out to each other, and creating community.

I think that’s awesome!

P.S. Congratulations to Elmar Weisser of Germany who took home gold medals for the Full Beard Freestyle and Overall categories! Click here for photos of the 2011 winners.

Kathleen Guthrie is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She loves a feel-good human-interest story.

Childfree in Paris

This Meet-up group popped up in my email and caught my attention.

“Childfree in Paris” conjures romantic notions of sipping coffee and nibbling croissants with sleek sophisticated women, talking about fine food, fabulous art, and chic fashion. Granted, my high school French would get me the coffee and croissant and very little actual conversation, but I love the idea that there are childfree women all over the world.

For those of you looking to find kindred spirits a little closer to home, Meet-up is a great resource. You can search for groups, or create your own. You can gather members, set up events, and then go off and meet like-minded people.

Consider starting a Meet-up group in your area and posting a link here.

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang expected to soar at auction

It’s been quite an emotional week this week, between Mother’s Day, post-show adrenaline drop, and the raging sinus infection that will not go away. I’m feeling like I need an Eat, Pray, Love kind of escape.

After my “I don’t want to talk about this” post on Wednesday, Sue (check) suggested that blogging about something other than being childfree and infertile might do me a world of good. After fainting at the thought of getting a whole new blog up and running (and fed with posts) I decided that what this blog needs is a little silly every now and then.

And so, for something completely different…

Big news this week! Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is going up on the auction block this Sunday. I asked my friends if any of them would lend me a couple of million bucks so I could put in a bid, but alas, they all declined.

I think I may rent this movie this weekend, just for old times’ sake. I bet even as you read this, you’re singing:

Oh (Chitty) you (Chitty), Chitty Chitty Bang Bang,

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, we love you.

And (Chitty) in (Chitty) Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang’s what we’ll do!

In case you aren’t, here’s a little something to help you.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZU4S1G0JCk&w=560&h=349]

Which icons of your childhood would you be willing to drop a couple of million on (if money were no object?) Or what’s your favorite guilty pleasure movie?

Hello, San Francisco!

This Wednesday night, I’ll be in San Francisco, discussing my book and talking about life without baby (the situation, not the website, although I’m sure it will get a mention, too.)

A couple of other LWB members will be hanging out, plus you can even get an eyeful of the world famous Jose (my hubby.) Well worth it, if I do say so myself. Oh yes, and there’ll be food and drink galore.

If you happen to be in the city, I’d love to meet you.  Here’s a link with more information. Hope to see you there.

Win Tickets to “Expressing Motherhood!”

As I mentioned recently, I will be flying the childless/childfree flag in the upcoming show Expressing Motherhood in Los Angeles next month. If you (or someone you know) would like to see the show, I have a pair of tickets to give away!

All you have to do is answer a little question and post your response in the comments below. I’ll draw a winner at random from the correct answers on Friday.

Expressing Motherhood will be at the Elephant Space Theatre in Hollywood, from Wednesday April 27 through Saturday May 7. Tickets are good for the night of your choice.

The question:

Which famous childfree woman said, “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition?”

Answers below, please. Good luck!

Happy Bloggiversary!

Today marks the one-year anniversary of the launch of this blog and the Life Without Baby site. A year ago today I sat outside a café with a glass of wine and a dozen oysters and posted my mission statement for the site. It was:

“To fill the silent space that exists in the motherhood discussion.
To be a voice for women who are struggling with infertility or who do not have children, whether by choice or circumstance.
To shine a light on the business of baby-making and to turn a mirror onto the craziness of baby mania.
To be a champion for the right of women to choose not to become mothers.”

Hopefully I haven’t wavered too much from that goal.

Since then I’ve written 289 posts that have been seen 28,603 pairs of eyes! One of the top posts ever is also one of my favorites. I posted The Secret Society of Childless and Childfree Women on October 22, 2010 and almost 500 people have viewed it. I’m still working on that idea for the piece of jewelry, I promise.

Here are some other reader favorites:

Silent Sorority: A (Barren) Woman Get Busy, Angry, Lost and Found

The Ticking Clock

“Getting Over” Infertility

Advice for “30 and Childless”

The lowest ranked post ever was this one: Prisoner applies to become first man to father child behind bars. Only one person has ever viewed this post. If you have a second, please show it some love.

It would be hard to keep coming here every day and posting if I didn’t know that people were out there reading. And they are. You are!! In the first full month of operation, this blog had 469 visitors. If you were one of them, thank you. One year later almost 6,000 people are dropping in every month. If you are one of them, thank you!!

A blog without readers is just a secret diary, after all, so thank you for all your wonderful support. I’m sending you a slice of virtual bloggiversary cake. It’s calorie-free. Enjoy!

Annie Oakley: Peerless and Childless!

Kathleen Guthries kicks off National Women’s History Month with Annie Oakley:

In the musical Irving Berlin based on her life (Annie Get Your Gun) she’s the gal who sings, “Anything you can do, I can do better!” She was considered one of the world’s greatest sharpshooters, who performed with Buffalo Bill Cody’s Wild West Show. Chief Sitting Bull gave her the nickname “Little Sure Shot.”

Depending on the source, Annie Oakley was six or nine years old when she started shooting game to help feed and support her twice-widowed mother and seven or eight siblings. When she was sixteen or twenty-one, she entered a contest against Frank Butler, an accomplished marksman ten years her senior who was also a vaudeville performer. She won. They were married the next year, and he set aside his career to serve as her manager and assistant.

Though only 5 feet tall, there was nothing small about her talent. Annie was equally adept with pistols, rifles, and shotguns, and she dazzled crowds around the world with spectacular stunts. She could shoot a dime tossed into the air 90 feet away. She shot holes through playing cards. She shot the ashes off her husband’s cigarettes. She smashed records, and she wasn’t shy about wearing her many medals and ribbons.

Annie was also a trailblazer for and promoter of women. In 1898, she wrote to President McKinley to offer the services of 50 “lady sharpshooters” for the war in Spain. (He declined.) It’s possible she taught as many as 15,000 women how to use guns, for physical and mental exercise and for protection.

Annie Oakley was feisty, skilled, generous, talented, entertaining, legendary, and inspiring. And she was childfree.

Kathleen Guthrie is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She’s mostly at peace with her decision to be childfree.