Life Without Baby

filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Walk a Mile in my Shoes

I never thought I’d be sitting here defending the Duggars, but here I am.

I realize this is old news, but I keep thinking about the photo that circulated of their miscarried baby. When I first heard about it, I rolled my eyes. That’s my standard response to any news I hear about them. But then I though about it more, and you know what? I get it.

People who’ve never dealt with infertility, loss of a child, or even loss of a dream of motherhood, don’t understand that you never know how you’re going to react to a situation until you’re standing there.

You think you’d never use extreme fertility treatments…until someone tells you it’s the only option left to you. You think you’re a level headed person, who would never become obsessed with motherhood…until you’ve tried month after month after month and no one can tell you why you can’t get pregnant. And you think you’d never take a photo of a miscarried or stillborn baby…until it happens to your child.

There are people who think I’m crazy for the way I became obsessed about having a baby. There are people who say, “why don’t you just adopt?” to anyone who can’t have children of their own. And there are people who are appalled and condemn a woman who treats a miscarried child as if that child had lived.

To those people I say, “Walk a mile in those shoes.” Because you don’t know how you’ll react until it happens to you.

In Remembrance

I’d planned to write a witty, scathing rant about the Duggars today. Or maybe a criticism about the women deliberately scheduling C-sections to have their babies born on 11-11-11. Both are such easy targets.

But driving to a doctor’s appointment this morning, I pulled up behind a car with a Purple Heart license plate. (Purple Hearts are awarded to military personnel wounded or killed in combat.) And I thought, “Really, who cares about the Duggars?”

Today is Veteran’s Day in the U.S. and Remembrance Day in Canada and the U.K.. In my homeland, Remembrance Day (or Armistice Day, as it used to be called) commemorates the end of World War I, and is marked at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month.

So in honor of all those who have served and continue to serve their countries, I’m posting this post (and some trivial whine about the Duggars) at 11:11:11 on 11-11-11.