Life Without Baby

filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

And the Survey Says…

checkFirstly, an enormous “Thank you” to the 127 of you who took the time to complete the recent LWB survey. I’m truly blown away by the response.

I’m still sifting through the data and analyzing what it all means, and of course, there are questions I wish I’d asked, but for now I wanted to share a few insights:

  • Over half of you are in your 30s and another third in your 40s. The over 60s and the under 20s aren’t hanging around with us (or aren’t filling surveys.)
  • Many of you (60%) said you were either trying to come to terms or at the stage of accepting and making peace. More than 20% of you are still trying/hopeful for having children.
  • Over 90% of you said you’d used the blog and found it useful, so hurray for that, especially as no one said they’d used it and didn’t find it useful. J What surprised me was that for all the other areas of the site, more than half of you said you hadn’t used it but were interested. So what are you waiting for? Snoop around.
  • The most popular type of post on the blog was “Personal Journey Stories,” with 84.5% saying they enjoy these posts, with my personal experience stories and guest posts following closely behind. What this tells me is that we want to hear other people’s stories, so if you’ve been dancing around the idea of submitting a guest post, do it! We want to hear.
  • The most popular topics were: “Dealing with friends and family” (72.6%), with “What’s Next in Life?”, “Ups and down of childfree living”, and “Finding Fulfillment” all following close behind.
  • When it comes to resources, printed books, ebooks, and a regular newsletter are of most interest to you. This is good news for me, as all these things are either in the works or on my to-do list.
  • An overwhelming number of you said you wouldn’t use a support group, either via phone or in person, or attend an in-person workshop. So, what I’m hearing is that you love the community and knowing you’re not alone, but you don’t want to come out in public and talk about this topic. I’m with you on that.
  • Almost half of you expressed an interest in programs and course online, so I’ll be taking a look at those again soon. Stay tuned.
  • Perhaps the biggest surprise was how many of you (over 40%) said you’d like to support the site through the purchase of LWB merchandise. If you were one of those people, I’d love to hear more about what that means? Would you use a discreet LWB coffee mug or are you looking for t-shirt that says “Childfree and loving it!” (or something in between)?

As I let all this valuable information percolate, I’ll be thinking about what changes I need to make to the site and what I need to do more of. A quick to do list so might look like:

  • Sharing more of my own story and encouraging you to do the same.
  • Getting the ebooks I’ve been noodling out of my head and onto the page
  • Getting the resource page pulled together to include other books you might find useful.
  • Writing more posts addressing the topics that are of most interest to you.

If you have other ideas or suggestions, I’m always open, so please leave them in the comments below.

And finally, many of you added wonderful and generous comments at the end of the survey. I’d like to thank you for those and I let you know that I have printed them all out and stuck them above my desk for those days when I wonder why I keep talking about this topic.

It Got Me Thinking…About When Life Gets Funny

Girl ThinkingBy Kathleen Guthrie Woods 

Earlier this week I received a lovely invitation to an “Egg Meets Sperm Networking Mixer.”

What the fruitcake?!

Perhaps it came to my mailbox because someone (or some program) noticed that I write a lot about “babies” and “being childfree” and determined this would be the perfect event for me. Upon closer inspection, I discovered that the event was being hosted by one of the many LGBT organizations I support, and it was intended for gay couples who are exploring their options in adoption, surrogacy, and IVF.

But before I could think through any of this, I reacted by throwing back my head and laughing out loud at the absurdity of it all. Oh, my crazy, mixed-up, outrageously funny life!

As the days passed, I found myself still chuckling as I replayed this in my head, and it dawned on me how far I have come in the past three years. If I had received this invitation earlier in my journey, it might have brought on tears, a grand pity party, or a fit of anger at the unintentional cruelties that served to remind me of my losses and lacks.

The primary reason I can sit here today and laugh about it is because I have been able to heal. And the primary reason I have been able to heal is because I’ve been allowed to grieve, share, commiserate, and celebrate with the amazing community of compassionate women I’ve encountered through LifeWithoutBaby.

If you’ve been a part of LWB for a while, thank you for being a blessing in my journey. I am so grateful to you for your openness and support. If you are new to LWB, stick with it. I know today may be a difficult day for you—I’ve been there. I also know that better days are ahead. You will heal, you will move forward, and you will laugh again.

Kathleen Guthrie Woods is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She is mostly at peace with being childfree.

Summer Vacation and a Request for Help

P1160705By the time you read this I will be trekking through the Shropshire Hills with my mother (who turns 81 in a couple of weeks) and two of her friends (both in their 70s), and hoping I can keep up with them.

So that I can fully enjoy visiting my family and friends, and get a brain break as well as a physical break, I’m planning to give the site a vacation for the month of August.

Beginning on Wednesday, I’ll be posting reruns of some of my favorite and your favorite posts from the past year. Just like an episode of I Love Lucy, I hope you’ll get to enjoy these conversations again.

While I’m gone, I’ll also be contemplating what’s next for Life Without Baby. For those of you who’ve been tagging along with me for a while, you’ve probably noticed that the site go through a growth spurt about every six months or so, as I try to make it what I think it ought to be.

I’ve largely gone through this reinvention process on my own, noodling and brainstorming what I think is best for the site. This time, I’m getting smart (finally) and I’m asking you what you need most and what you want the site to be.

I’ve put together a short survey (8 check box questions, that’s all) and would be enormously grateful if you could offer me 5-10 minutes to let me know what’s important to you, so that I can then attempt to make it available.

Yes, I’ll take the survey!

Front cover-hiAs a thank you for your time, you’ll have the option be entered into a drawing to win a copy of my book, “I’m Taking My Eggs and Going Home: How One Woman Dared to Say No to Motherhood.” Just be sure to complete the survey by September 2 to be entered.

So, for now, enjoy your summer, enjoy the posts, and I’ll look forward to catching up with you again in September.

Happy 3rd Blogiversary

cakeTomorrow marks the third blogiversary of Life Without Baby! Three years ago, I sat on the patio of a little café in Wine Country, I ordered a dozen oysters and a glass of sparkling wine, and I wrote my first blog post. My, how time has flown.

For the sake of my health I am writing this post from the couch in my office and drinking tea rather than champagne, but it’s fun to reflect back on the past three years and see how far the blog has come, and how far I have come on my own journey.

I’m thinking of all the people who’ve come and gone from the blog over the years, those who’ve stayed, and those who’ve become good friends. I’m thinking about the 808 posts, 359, 577 visits, and 5,594 comments that the blog has accrued, and it makes me smile.

So, maybe it is cause to crack open the champagne after all. In fact, I’ve decided to throw a party to celebrate. And as with any good party, there’ll be presents.

If you’d like your very own copy of my book, I’m Taking My Eggs and Going Home: How One Woman Dared to Say No to Motherhood (or you’d like to give one to someone else) you download a free copy in whichever e-format you like from Smashwords. Just use the coupon code EJ59W.

In addition, several people have expressed an interest in the new Road Map to Healing program, but don’t have the resources to pay, so I’m also offering a Pay-What-You-Can donation option. Registration is normally $159, but this weekend you can sign up for whatever amount you can afford to pay (although, I’m asking that you consider a donation of at least $30.)

You can learn more about that program here, then if you’d like to enroll, please use this link, not the registration link on that page. 

Both these presents are only available for the blogiversary weekend only, so if you want to get yours, please do so before the end of Sunday.

Oh, and if you’d like to bring your own blogiversary present to the party, the best thing you could give me would be to write a glowing review for my book on Amazon.  It’s about the most valuable gift a writer could ask for.

So, thanks for all your support these past three years, and I do hope you’ll get yourself a present to celebrate.

Hunting for the Old Me

thoughtsI’m doing really well at being at peace with not having children. But some days the darkness comes over me. Do you know what I mean?

Ordinarily, the darkness is a tiny ball. I carry it around with me wherever I go, and usually it’s safely tucked away and I don’t even notice it. Then something happens to flip the lid and suddenly the darkness has crept into every open space within me.

I’m tired of carrying the darkness around and I’m ready to let it go. I don’t want to feel bitter or sad about not having children, because honestly, I’m okay. But sometimes I can’t remember who I am any more. When I look in the mirror I don’t see me. I see a woman who looks tired and overweight, and very, very serious about life. She doesn’t laugh easily or live with abandon, like the real me used to. She’s cautious and unwilling to let herself go. She feels like a square peg in a world full of round holes and it’s lonely sometimes.

Our experiences make us who we are, but what happens to who we were? In a universe where energy remains constant, the old me — the laughing, carefree joyous me — must still be around. I catch glimpses of her sometimes, and like a huntress, I follow her into the woods. And yet, so often, she manages to evade me.

So, all I can do is be patient, keep an eye on her and keep moving towards her. I know she still exists, and one day, if I keep hunting her, I know I’ll catch up with her again. Then maybe we can stand together again and let the darkness go.

Out With the Old

New year 2013 is comingThis will be the very last post of 2012. But don’t worry; come the New Year, we’ll be back with a brand new site.

Yes, the Great Life Without Baby Makeover is almost complete. For the past couple of months, some talented ladies (I’ll introduce them later) have been working their magic behind the scenes to get the new site ready. I’m beyond excited about the big reveal.

So, what does this mean to you?

1 – All will be quiet here on the blog next week. You’ll still be able to access all the posts, although you may not be able to add comments.

2 – On January 7th, look out for the first post of the New Year.

3 – We’ll be at a new address: LifeWithoutBaby.com, (although you’ll be redirected there if you use the old lifewithoutbaby.wordpress.com URL.) You’ll still find all the prior posts (almost three-years worth!) plus lots of new goodies. I’ll be offering a grand tour on opening day.

So, for now, I wish you a Happy New Year, and I’ll see you at LifeWithoutBaby.com next year!

Life Without Baby Takes a Holiday

Well, let’s face it, I’ve been whining for long enough about needing some time off, so I’m finally taking it.

I’m leaving next week for an extended visit to England to see my family. Mr. Fab is coming along too, and we plan to get some serious rest and recuperation.

Ordinarily, I would have taken my laptop and kept blogging while I was gone, or at least backlogged a month worth’s of posts before I left. In light of my need to regroup, I’ve decided instead to just take some time away. I’m sure you’ll agree that’s a good idea.

So, I will be gone until early September. I hope you’ll snoop around some older posts or head over to the main LWB site and get your own conversations going. Knowing me, I’m sure I’ll check in at some point to throw in my two cents.

But for now, be well, and I’ll look forward to returning reignited and ready to go in September.

Happy Bloggiversary!

Today marks the one-year anniversary of the launch of this blog and the Life Without Baby site. A year ago today I sat outside a café with a glass of wine and a dozen oysters and posted my mission statement for the site. It was:

“To fill the silent space that exists in the motherhood discussion.
To be a voice for women who are struggling with infertility or who do not have children, whether by choice or circumstance.
To shine a light on the business of baby-making and to turn a mirror onto the craziness of baby mania.
To be a champion for the right of women to choose not to become mothers.”

Hopefully I haven’t wavered too much from that goal.

Since then I’ve written 289 posts that have been seen 28,603 pairs of eyes! One of the top posts ever is also one of my favorites. I posted The Secret Society of Childless and Childfree Women on October 22, 2010 and almost 500 people have viewed it. I’m still working on that idea for the piece of jewelry, I promise.

Here are some other reader favorites:

Silent Sorority: A (Barren) Woman Get Busy, Angry, Lost and Found

The Ticking Clock

“Getting Over” Infertility

Advice for “30 and Childless”

The lowest ranked post ever was this one: Prisoner applies to become first man to father child behind bars. Only one person has ever viewed this post. If you have a second, please show it some love.

It would be hard to keep coming here every day and posting if I didn’t know that people were out there reading. And they are. You are!! In the first full month of operation, this blog had 469 visitors. If you were one of them, thank you. One year later almost 6,000 people are dropping in every month. If you are one of them, thank you!!

A blog without readers is just a secret diary, after all, so thank you for all your wonderful support. I’m sending you a slice of virtual bloggiversary cake. It’s calorie-free. Enjoy!

Life and Friendship After “The Thing”

Please take a moment and contribute your opinion to this poll.

Last Saturday, I met Pamela (Silent Sorority) for the first time. We had lunch and talked. In fact we talked for so long and so easily that I forgot to collect my husband from the airport. No long-term harm done, thankfully.

Pamela and I talked about many things, but we didn’t talk about “the thing” – our infertility – even though that was the common tie that brought us together in the first place.

What we talked about mostly was the future. What’s next? Once you’ve come to terms with a life without children (no short or easy journey, I might add) where do you go next? Once you’ve found your tribe of women who aren’t going to bring their offsring into every conversation, and aren’t going to spring a surprise pregnancy on your friendship, what do you talk about, when you don’t want to keep talking about “the thing?”

Pamela and I batted around some new ideas. She talked about her view of our meeting in a post today, and also put together a poll. Please take a moment and add your two cents.

When you don’t want to talk about “the thing” anymore, what do you want to talk about?