By Solo Girl 

Once in a while I’ll respond to posts on Life Without Baby, and I think I often come across as bitter and angry.  It’s been 4 years since the last nail in the Mommy coffin was slammed into place, and the truth is I am still bitter and angry and hurt and disillusioned about this new reality.  Life Without Baby is the only place I can share those feelings, and I thank Lisa from the bottom of my soul for providing this outlet.

In my every day public existence I am smiling and moving on and enjoying the life that is left to me.  I am congratulating sisters and cousins on their new pregnancies/babies and even buying them baby shower gifts.  I fill my life with charity work and dogs and good friends and family that go out of their way to visit me and help me around the house.  I am no longer staring at the wall, feeling my heart die in slow motion.  My purpose in life was to be a Mother.  Of that I am sure.  With the help of women like Lisa and Savvy Auntie I am now able to go about my daily routine again and even create a new life for myself where I actually smile.

But am I thankful?  Am I thankful that this is my life now?  No.  There is no word I resent more in the English language than ‘thankful’.  Do I feel that it’s a blessing?  Or worse, that ‘things happen for a reason’?  I want to punch people in the face who say that.    So there’s that bitterness and anger again.

For those of you just coming to terms with this reality, my heart goes out to you, and I hold out my arm for you to hold onto.  You WILL get through this.  You CAN smile again.  And I know from women like Lisa that you will build a happy life in time.  Keep reading; you will find healing words in these pages.

Solo Girl lives on her own with her 2+ dogs in Ontario, Canada.  She focuses her time on volunteer work and fostering rescue dogs.