When I tell people about my decision to not have children, and tell them the story of how I got here, a common response I hear is: “Don’t give up hope; it could still happen.” They don’t seem to understand that my situation isn’t hopeless; I’ve made an intelligent and considered decision and “hope” is no longer involved.
Here’s the reality: I have bum ovaries that kick out half-baked eggs. I’m 40 years old and am therefore well into the danger zone for birth defects. My husband is almost 55, meaning he’ll be well into his 70’s before our miracle baby makes it into college. We wrestled with the pros and cons of continuing a quest to have children and we’ve made an informed decision to stop. This is now what is best for us. So, if you’re thinking that I’m just saying I don’t want kids, but I’m secretly hoping I’ll get knocked up, I’m not. Please give me credit for my decision and for being strong enough to tell you the truth.
Oh, and Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just stumbled onto your blog & have added you to my reader. Always glad to find another CNBC-er out there!
Hear, hear. I’ve been thinking today about women in history who didn’t have children. About how I would rather be known as the woman who wrote “x” or did such-and-such, than as the mother of.
I really appreciate your honesty, and it is personally helping me to realize that I am not being backed into a corner, but have been making that decision for a number of years. There have been times when I looked forward to the freedom of not hoping any longer that the time would be right. Making that decision opens more doors of possibility than anything.
Ooh, Jennifer, thanks for the blog post idea. I was just having that same conversation the other day. Also, today I was watching a woman with her baby, wrestling with food, picking flung toys up, etc. And this was a well-behaved baby, not a holy terror. They woman had a really funky hair cut and I thought how intersting she looked. I have to admit that the thought went through my head, “I wonder what she used to do/be before she was a mother?” Maybe that’s a terrible thing to think, but hey, my brain does it’s own thing sometimes.
loribeth, welcome! So glad you found us. I’ve snooped around your blog and it’s wonderful. You will be the first addition to my offical blogroll (coming soon)
I don’t think it’s a terrible thing to think, but it’s interesting that motherhood creates such a disconnect in the continuum of what a woman does with her life. Obviously one we all have to be grateful for, or at least for our mothers!
I’m excited to see your blog post! And going to check out loribeth as well…