It’s been a while since we’ve done a good old-fashioned Whiny Wednesday, hasn’t it? I’ve missed it.
It’s a beautiful sunny day here in Southern California, so it’s hard to get too whiny, and the thing I do want to whine about isn’t appropriate to whine about in public. So, my whine today is that I don’t get to whine today.
But you do.
It’s an open forum, no topic, just a chance to get whatever is on your chest off it.
Whine on!
It’s raining cats & dogs here – can I whine about that? Good for the grass, good for the flowers, not so good for my basement.
I’m whiny because my dad is getting a HUGE award and I’m trying to find money to fly, because flight prices are OUT OF CONTROL. It’s stressing me out and making me whine because the tickets are $500 plus RT.
Oh, and Mother’s day is this weekend too… š
It is TOO HOT in So Cal! Yesterday in Orange County was hotter than any day last summer at home (Big Bear). I don’t like hot! So glad i get to go home to reasonable temps (20F low, 65F high) tomorrow!
I was invited yesterday to a launching event by a rich charitable foundation. They sponsored a sports camp for teenage girls. We all got invited to the camp and see the work they do. In addition, they got some VIP’s to appear and talk to the girls and us. Among them was Manuela Pesko who is an olympic champion in snowboarding. Nothing against her she was very down to earth, nice and friendly with the girls etc. What really got me to whine (secretly, to myself, all day long) was that she was announced on the invitation as olympic champion in snowboarding “who has recently become a mother”. which went on: When she was interviewed at the event she was asked what she would tell those young girls about being an athlete etc., and, “since you’ve recently become a mother, what would you tell your own daughter”… and later on, i talked to another participant about the event and this woman said that she admired how this athlete had immediately started to communicate with the girls in a very friendly way, “maybe she was able to do that because she recently became a mother?” All of this is SO offensive, why doesn’t anybody notice? Its offensive to the athlete, why is it suggested that her success in snowboarding is now somehow worth more since she’s a mother? It’s offensive to a youth worker like me: i’m good at communicating with teenage girls without being a mother! And hey, what kind of message to young girls is that? “Train hard, be an athlete – but we will only really treat you as a hero once you’ve become a mum?” *aaaaaaarghh*
Can someone tell me when/at what moment precisely and why, women became so obsessed with flashing their, or other women’s “mommy” status? I don’t mean to imply that motherhood is not an extremely important job, and I encourage mothers to really do their best at this since no one wants to deal with future adults who are the products of really messed up homes. But, it rubs me the wrong way completely the increasing frequency with which all endeavors by women, include a highlight of their “mother” status. A friend sent me a link to a really beautiful food blog… lovely pictures, information, ideas… in the “about us” section, there it was as the opening line… “We are two busy moms….” A friend posts an old high school picture of herself on facebook and expresses regret over how much weight she has gained, another woman comments, “But you’re a mom, now.”… I don’t recall my mother or other women when I was growing up ever feeling the need to stress their “mother” status… so why do women think they have to flash it around so much now?
I think historically seen, it must have happened some time in the 19th century. I think before that, being a mother was kind of just simply what women did – a job, a role in society, with all its hard work, at the same time doing additional hard work to contribute to the familie’s survival (working on the farm, running the household). same as the men fulfilled their role. By the 19th century something like a middle class emerged, and an increasing number of people lived in relative wealth and comfort. Servants did the hard work. Political structure changed and men (!) became increasingly free in deciding how to live their own lives and “pursue individual happiness”. They started “important” ventures like industrializing Europe, exploiting colonies, making important scientific discoveries and making war on each other on a scale that had never been seen before. There was no question of letting women participate in this. So their role had to be newly defined. The role of children changed, too. They were no longer just little adults, contributing as far as they could to the workforce. That was when the concept of childhood really began as a time of learning and developement. The women as mothers became the keepers of everything “good”, “sacred”, “private”, the children and motherhood was increasingly idealized.
The second feminist movement in the seventies aimed to change that and reach full participation for women in society.
What we encounter now is a much more complicated situation. It’s a mix of self-determined life – after all, with the pill, WE get to decide when we are pregnant or not – and if you ask me, a kind of backlash against feminism. Women got liberated, but men lag behind in dealing with this new situation. The roles of both genders are a subject for discussion and endless re-definition.- We got our share of the public life (work, politics, science) – while men STILL don’t take their responsibility for the private aspects of it:Family management and – planning. After all: With the pill, it’s still us who have to take responsibility for our pregnancies – men don’t need to care – either about protection OR about the decision to become parents.
What makes it even more complicated is the strong individualism in our society. Success in life is completely each indivudals own responsibility.
Out of this complicated situation, women and men have come to define a successful life for a woman as being successful both in professional life – and in the personal life, i.e. becoming a mother.
*sigh*
Thanks for all these fascinating comments and insights. I came across this a lot when I did the series for National Women’s History Month. The one that really hit me was the Four-Star General. Her bio listed all her great military accomplishments and at the end it said something like: “She is married to Joe Bloggs and has too puppies.” Could you imagine that at the end of a male general’s list of accomplishments? Sigh again.