At 10 pm I was at my computer, reviewing my presentation for an early morning meeting, when an e-mail from the client came through. He had forgotten about an event at his kid’s school and needed to reschedule. Seriously?!
Now, I never want to disappoint a child and think parents should support as many events as possible. However. Four other people had cleared their schedules to be at this meeting. We all made sacrifices, both personal and professional, to be in attendance. I’d been prepping for days, and I’d turned down other work to get started on the project (lost money for a freelancer). Had I been in bed instead of in my office that night, I would not have seen the last-minute e-mail and would have shown up at the meeting location as scheduled, thus losing another day of work. What pissed me off the most was this guy never even apologized for inconveniencing the rest of us, he just requested that we “reschedule as soon as possible.”
It got me thinking about all the times I’ve heard parents use their kids as excuses:
- I can’t work late tonight/this weekend/over the holiday because of the kids. (Which leaves me, the childfree person, to pick up the slack.)
- I missed the deadline/didn’t finish the name tags/couldn’t bake the cupcakes I promised because my kid kept me awake last night. (So now I have to scramble to get it done and cover your butt at the eleventh hour?)
- I have to leave early (and leave all the extra work with you) to pick up my kid/go to my kid’s soccer game/get groceries for the kids’ dinner. (I have a life too, dangnabbit!)
- I’m late because of my kid.
- I’m tired because of my kid.
- I’m cranky because of my kid.
I get it. Being a parent is exhausting, time-consuming, and crazy work. But I want to say to the people who overuse this excuse: SUCK IT UP! You chose this life, so take responsibility for your responsibilities. Either that or be ready to accept without complaint my excuse that “I just don’t feel like covering for you this weekend because you missed the deadline and it’s made me cranky.”
Kathleen Guthrie Woods is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She desperately needs a vacation, preferably one involving sunny beaches and fruity cocktails.
At my previous job, my superior would make me stay late getting all this stuff done; he was supposed to supervise me since I’d only been there for 3 months or so, but instead he would leave right at quitting time. Not only that; he would get to work an average of 45 minutes late, AND leave right on time, if not before quitting time. His excuse? “I’ve got to go pick up my girls.” Well… his wife also had a car, and she only worked part-time at a non-profit. I often had to stay up to two hours late, when he could’ve stayed every once in a while to help out. I know it didn’t help that he was (and still is) an arrogant S-O-… well, you get the idea :O
This is a sensitive issue for me. When I was in my 20s and 30s (single and then married and childless) I watched a lot of women and men leave early for their children. I was given more difficult projects that required a lot of late hours and work on weekend and at the time it made me very angry. My supervisors kept telling me I should take it as a compliment because it showed I was trusted to do the work. Back then, I didn’t see it that way but now that I’m in my late 40s, I do. My career has gone a lot further than the women who left early for children. And when I worked at places that experienced layoffs, those who left early for children were terminated while I was kept as an employee. I’m now in a position where if someone cancelled my meeting because of a child’s event, I would be sure to discuss it with them when they returned to work, explain to them the value of everyone’s time, and make sure they never did it again without suffering some type of repercussion. While I can understand an emergency illness, in these economic times, if you have job, junior’s school play needs to be a lower priority.
I’m glad it worked well for you.
I’ve known others without children who were terminated BECAUSE the others had kids and “needed the job.” Aaaarrrrggg.
The industry I’m in only makes money based upon the time each person bills so, for that reason, it made sense to cut the people who were leaving early. When I went into a different industry, I made sure my boss knew I was the breadwinner in our family of two so he didn’t see me any differently than the men who were supporting their families. I’ve also had experiences with another employer that was unfair but I still think that working hard had personal long term rewards to me and my career, even if it wasn’t rewarded by that particular employer. Hang in there everybody.
Oh my goodness….this happens ALL the time where I work. And it happened all the time at my previous jobs as well. Today, 3 employees (my boss, and 2 co-workers) all came in over 2 hours late because of a late start for school due to snow. What’s so wonderful is that I’m here early, will stay late, and get paid hourly. Those who are paid salary, won’t make up the time, but since we don’t punch a clock and just track our own time, the hourly person probably won’t mark that he wasn’t here and won’t make up the time either. It’s always expected that I will be here, will take care of opening the building and have things running by the time everyone else arrives. But I just wonder what would happen if I had those “excuses” as they did. Would I be reprimanded for coming in late, or leaving early? Probably not…at least that’s what history has shown for all the others…because people have sympathy for them when all I can think is “IT’S NOT FAIR!!!!” Apparently things have worked out for Maria in that area, but for me, it’s just not the case.
This happens to me, too. My (married) “opposite number” has a 6-year-old child so instead of sharing the early starts and late stops, I do them all. That equals 8am-6pm once a week, 7.30am-6.00pm once a week and 8am-9.30pm once a month. My “normal” working day is 8.30am-5.30pm while hers is 9.30am-3.00pm but she gets paid a full-time salary. I also can’t take time off during Easter, Christmas and half-term and she gets first choice during the summer holidays.
But the real kicker? We started at the same time with the same qualifications, my colleague took a 3-year career break when she had her baby and last year she got the promotion because – you guessed it – she “has a child and so needs the extra money”!
Illanare…that sounds painful! I would say that I can’t believe that that actually happens, but I know that it does. I’m sorry. Your situation sounds even worse than mine!
illanare, that is outrageous! Have you tried complaining? You should have some recognition for all those extra hours.
I guess my main thought when I read this was “he’s the client, and thinks he can do anything.” I wonder if he would have done the same if he had been the freelancer hungry for work. I doubt it. Anyway, this is a case where the client isn’t always right! As a fellow freelancer, it frustrates me that those on salary forget that our time really is our money.
(PS. If you get the job, build the cost of that lost day into your project costs somehow!)
I’m tired today because my idiotic upstairs neighbour made a lot of noise during the night and didn’t let me sleep. I’m obviously extremely cranky because of that. I worked late last night because of a public presentation. Thankfully I don’t normally have to work extreme hours. But I still bear a lot of responsibility. At the moment things are NOT going well at our organization and that makes me sometimes depressed and very scared for my future. I have to collaborate with people who are not there because of their children, because they are burned out because of privat projects/training/family/children so the projects don’t advance and that makes me cranky too. I actually don’t LIKE to work more than I’m paid for, I’m not prepared to do it, because my life consists of more than work. I have neither child nor husband nor cat so I have to get out and “get a life” if I don’t want to share my life exclusively between the office and the telly. Sometimes I am tired because I get up very early on weekends to perform or learn music somewhere or to go see my family or friends. That’s not “just” a hobby and therefore a luxury I can “afford because I don’t have kids”. It’s what I as a single childless person have to do to prevent me from going crazy and being lonely.
I would never pretend to fully understand how exhausting it can be to raise kids. But feelings of tiredness, anxiety, pressure are something very individual. I feel them too and I can’t tell myself everytime that these feelings are wrong just because they are not caused by children!