Life Without Baby

filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Comments

  1. Two weeks ago, Mali posted here that her husband had been made redundant at work. This week, it’s MY dh who got the pink slip. 🙁 Along with two other coworkers, including a young single mom who was struggling to make ends meet as it was. :p

    We will be OK (and yes, not having kids to feed, clothe & educate is certainly one reason why…). We were planning/hoping to retire together in three years anyway, when I’m eligible for an early pension — but it’s still a shock. :p We’ve been working in the same building or nearby, & commuting into the city together for the past 23 years, and it was very strange to be doing it all by myself this morning. 🙁

  2. So Yahoo is giving parents DOUBLE paid maternity leave. What do non-parents get? (Oh, that’s right, we get to pick up the extra work.)

  3. My in-laws are coming to visit for FIVE days later this month. Uugghh.

    I love my MIL, but my FIL is a self-absorbed, insensitive, know-it-all and I’m dreading seeing him. I haven’t seen my in-laws since my miscarriage, and I dread his insensitive remarks. My prayer is that he just forget about it and not mention it. If he says one thing to me about how I could have prevented the miscarriage (he’s big on preventative health), I’m going to have to tell him off, which might not be pretty if other company is around.

    He’s quite a bully and difficult to stand up to. My husband is the only one who has the courage to (I’ve seen him do it to my amazement) so I know he’ll be on the alert too and watch out for me. I’m dreading dreading dreading this visit.

    And I know this seems small or petty, but we have a new cat and I’m dreading how he’ll be with him too. He’ll be rude to him, let the cat get out when he’s not supposed to, etc… My FIL doesn’t seem beyond his own self and nobody else matters to him. Normally I grit my teeth and bear him when they visit, but this time (the first since losing my baby, the first with our new cat) is going to be extra difficult. They’re coming at the end of the month, and I’m trying not to let my whole month of May be ruined in dreaded anticipation.

    • For what it’s worth, when I have dreaded visits from relatives – particularly ones who can be very insensitive – I have always ended up imagining that they will say things that are far far worse than they actually do. Good luck.

  4. After 8 years of battling to have a family, my husband and I are trying to get our heads wrapped around living child free and I am STRUGGLING. I feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore and my husband has just carried on as if our dreams haven’t been completely crushed.

    I wish I had the ability to adapt as quickly and completely as he does

    • My husband was the same way. Give him time. We are now 7 years post having decided to stop. I’m in a good place, he crashed and burned a few months ago after his last friend announced his wife’s pregnancy. Every time he hears about it, he cries. I think my husband was so busy being strong for me to build me up, he buried all his feelings about it. Back then, I really resented him for it, felt like he didn’t care. Now, I feel so grateful he was like that because if we had been down together, I don’t know how I would have dragged myself out. And now that I’m in a good place, I can be there for him. Be well.

  5. I tried to enroll back in school, and have been waiting for my financial aide. I am not the richest, but apparently NOT the poorest either. And I was told, Oh just have some kids, single mom’s get a killing.

    Thank you education system. Thank you.

  6. Found out yesterday that cardiology MD I work with is pregnant. Had to be polite, asked the usual questions; how far along are you? Couldn’t take the glowing smile and radiant far off look she had as she answered. Sigh

  7. Officially closed the relationship with our adoption agency yesterday and went to bed with big bowl of ice cream. If one more person tried to console me with “it wasn’t meant to be”….

    I just want to hang out on fun trails with the dog, runaway from work, and scream. Not quite in that order.

    • I’m so sorry bubli. I’m sure this was a big decision to make. It may be the first step to closure, but I can’t imagine how difficult it was. Enjoy those trails with your dog!

  8. My husband works in finance at a recycling company and today one of their plant workers found a dead baby inside a cooler in the recycling with the umbilical cord still attached. It just hurts my heart that someone would do that.

    • There are no words. God bless that poor baby. Where is its mother today? Does she think at all of what she’s done?

  9. LoriBeth,
    I am with you. I’m a teacher and got the pink slip thanks to budget cuts. Now I get to go to work everyday knowing I am effectively already gone. There are a few bright spots: I am leaving with excellent recommendations and the kids have been just uber sweet and supportive. I get hugs everyday now.

    Another rant I’ve been storing up for Whiny Wednesday… Why is it that total strangers feel the need to ask women where their children are? Really? And, of course, when I answer, the immediate next question is, “Don’t you want any?” Well, YES, but I don’t want to tell you my life story. I don’t feel like telling someone I just met about all the years of trying, heartbreak, doctor’s visits, invasive exams, meds, etc. I’ve been through. So I smile uncomfortably and say, “One day… when it’s meant to be.”

    And inside my head I’m visually what it would look like if your nosey self spontaneously combusted.

  10. Already sick of all the Mother’s Day advertisements and decorations. What about a Free Woman Holiday?
    I’m already gearing up for the Mother’s Day hunker down in my house weekend since my mom is unable to visit me that weekend.

  11. Out and about in the blogosphere there is a nice little homemaking e-book bundle being promoted on every other blog I follow. I checked to see the books listed and half are devoted to early childhood, and pregnancy. Why can’t homemaking just be about homemaking.

    • Right, homemakers and domestic goddesses 🙂 are not all about kids necessarily. I know a few couples that have no children and the husband makes enough money so the wife can stay home. She keeps house, pays the bills, runs the errands, etc… That way on the weekends they can spend their time doing fun things together. Of course, this kind of life will never be a reality for me, but it’s wonderful if a couple can manage it, with our without kids.

      Some people think that if a woman doesn’t have children she’s not interested in keeping house or staying home or indulging in fun domestic endeavors. I sure wish I had the time and freedom, because I would love that!

      • When we were first married, I was unemployed for the first six months or so (I was getting unemployment insurance — I wouldn’t qualify today!). Even back then, people would ask me what did I DO all day? I really enjoyed, as a new bride, being able to ease my way into housekeeping, have dinner ready when my husband got home, and explore my new city. I did find a bit lonely — sometimes I wouldn’t talk to another adult for days & days outside of my husband & the store clerks. But I’m glad I had that time.

  12. On top of never having kids I just recently found out the reason I’m so socially awkward is because I have Asperger Syndrome and the reason I have trouble in college is from ADHD. I read today new research suggests it takes a significant amount of gene mutation for a girl to be born autistic which makes my genetic disorder the probable culprit to my problems. I have to learn to be okay with that but I’d rather whine and ask where it ends? No kids, troublesome social life and a difficult time in school?! I’m tired of having to work extra hard to be “normal” and accomplish what my peers accomplish.

    Someone told me not to be sad; that maybe I was here to teach them all something.