This post was originally published on April 4, 2012 and generated the most comments of any post! Read what everyone had to say here.
Kathleen’s post about mistakes and well-intentioned people got me thinking about people who really ought to just mind their own business.
A few years ago, when I my glorious plans for motherhood were just beginning to come crashing down around my ears, Mr. Fab and I went wine tasting. As a rich, fruity cabernet was hitting my bloodstream and making my crappy world feel better, a woman (whose world was feeling a little too good) leaned over and said, “Should you be drinking?”
I was confused for a moment, until I realized she was peering at my belly. Admittedly, I’d put on a few stress pounds over the previous year, but I was beyond mortified that she’d mistaken my bloat for a pregnancy, especially considering that was the one thing I was truly aiming for.
I’d like to tell you that she realized her mistake immediately, but alas, she had to ask me twice – the second time for everyone around us to hear.
So, while I agree that most people are well-intentioned when they make a faux pas, in some cases, people just ought to keep their traps shut and mind their own damn business.
It’s Whiny Wednesday, ladies. Let ‘em fly.
OMG!!!! How rude!!! Besides the fact that it is not up to total strangers to tell you not to drink alcohol, even if you ARE pregnant!!
Everyone who has to tell me about someone’s miracle pregnancy that happened after they stopped trying. False hope is no hope at all.
Rachel, you beat me to the “hope” comment!!! ugh!!! My last attempt at IVF almost ended my life – it went terribly wrong and I was hosipitalized…. I am done with IVF so there is no more hope for me, I had to give up hope to save my own life. — the other comment is “God’s plan”…. really? Exactly how do you know about this plan? Did god email you a copy of his plans for me? really? I wish people would stop saying that one as well. I don’t mind when they say “I’ll pray for you” bc heaven knows I need strength and courage to live a life without a child, but the “plan” and the “hope” gets me every time!!!!
Anyone pregnant and those that are now on their second “miracle” baby. It’s one of those days and I don’t care; I can’t be happy for you right now; go share your joy with someone who cares.
The person who says they totally understand how I feel, they tried for three months and it was torture. Please kindly jump off a cliff.
For the person who finds out we are now heading for adoption, saying, “well you know, once the ‘pressure’ is off, you will probably get pregnant.” Really? Adoption lessens the pressure! Wow! Why didn’t I just jump to that option!?
I actually had a friend, but no longer, tell me that god was trying to tell me something when all our attempts failed. So my question is, what is god trying to say when babies are born to drug addict mothers, and born to people who abuse them?! I don’t know if people just don’t know what to say, or they are just ignorant.
I had that happen to me also and I was mortified. Shortly after losing my twins (I still had a little belly) a lady at Starbucks asked when I was due, I was so stunned by the comment I just mumbled a month that made no sense and left. To make it worse she automatically changed my coffee to decaf expecting I was pg. I did write a letter to them asking them to talk to employees not to ask that. Never heard back and I never went to that location again. A former friend told me “God gives babies to those that deserve them”, guess according to her I deserved to deal with infertility and loss while terrible parents deserve their babies.
My sister is a could and has a Facebook page to promote her business. She post many interesting things. I know I’ve healed from the disappointment of my childless life because I can enjoy and like many posts. This one I liked. But i thought something was missing – I’m a mom vs. I’m not a mom. I’m still TTC vs I’ve accepted my life the way it is and stopped trying.
She’s a Doula. Sorry this isn’t a whine really except that I get frustrated that now that i’ve accepted lwb i’m practically invisible to my sister and the whole mommy crowd.
I will say though that if I complain about anything truly annoying (a squeeky plastic bottle that was crunched up in BF pocket when we were waklking) and he says. ” and you wanted kids? They are more annoying than this”. Ok darling, I love ya but one of these days you are going to say something like that and i’m going to belt ya. And then burst into tears just to show you what those “good thing YOU don’t have kids you couldnt handle them” comments. Most of my friends agree I would’ve made an awesome mom. Just because you had yours and you dont want more (and i’m fine with that) doesnt mean you can slap me with that crap
http://www.netmums.com/baby/g/judgement-free-motherhood/117718