By Kathleen Guthrie Woods
I can’t get into the details (lawsuit pending), but let’s just say I have been exposed to the dark side of a very not-nice person (NNP). As I’ve prepared to do the right thing and hold NNP accountable, I’ve had some very dark days. My stress level has been through the roof. I’ve anticipated every possible good outcome and every possible bad outcome. I’ve awakened in the middle of the night panicked. I’ve cried, I’ve sworn, I’ve pleaded with God to Give me an f-ing break!
Now, I realize NNP hasn’t lost a wink of sleep; I know I am the only one suffering at a deep level, and I know I have some forgiveness work ahead of me. (Fodder for another post, I’m sure.)
In the meantime, in the midst of all the darkness, I found myself being warmed by some very bright lights in the form of extreme kindness from strangers: The attorney who provided me with counsel then waived his fees. The volunteers who guided me through complicated paperwork. The friend who heard about my situation, called upon another friend, who called another friend, who stepped up and stepped in to help me.
My beautiful epiphany is in recognizing how easy it is to redirect my focus away from the NNPs and to the 99.9% of people who are doing good in the world, who are generous, thoughtful, helpful, and kind.
You know who else falls into this camp? The men and women of LWB. The people who candidly share their stories of loss and healing. The commenters who support, commiserate, and encourage. The members of the forums and groups. The many quiet readers who see themselves in the stories on our pages and offer up prayers for healing and peace.
Yes, there is darkness in our world, it comes in many forms. But, oh, the joy of finding the light!
Kathleen Guthrie Woods is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She is mostly at peace with her childfree status.
I am dealing with issues of a NNP and I know you are 100% right that she is not losing any sleep and is living life happy despite being a NNP. I wish I knew how to let it go and forgive. I have not found any positives affirming that I am a nice person and who advocate for me. It is a struggle to always be the one to fight to find the positives in life. I am proud of you for being the better person. I am trying, and struggling.
I had a fight with nnp in my Congregation! And it resulted in my being arrested twice on falsde charges that were withdrawn the day of trial because I believe that was when the Crown’s attourney ( Canadian version of a DA) finally looked at case and question the girl and family and found out how its crap. I am still paying friends back who loaned us the money, and have anxiety that nnp is going to launch yet another attack on me – as the arrest was just the latest bout of crap. She normally just feeds rediculous annonymous tips to Childrens aid (Family services aka the people we tried to and Failed to adopt from- a Fact nnp knows). The up side- i’ve seen how God has given me the strength to endure it all and try to keep my mom and then husband calm and remain forgiving. Changing religions or churches is not an option and I have some of my old anxiety meds if things get tOO cracy again. Talking about it helps – as doest commenting and sharing on blogs like yours.
I am so sorry for your NNP experiences. It takes time to be able to forgive, and it remains a work in progress. Be gentle with yourselves, and as much as you can, look for the good that is around you and focus on that. It continues to help me get through this.
When I have a hard time seeing the light I comfort myself with the lyrics “ring the bells that still can ring, forget your perfect offering, there’s a crack in everything, that’s where the light get in”…
It gives a different perspective, somehow.
Good luck in your struggle against nnp!
I know a Not Nice Person. I used to think he didn’t lose sleep over anything. Now I’m pretty sure he losses some sleep over the strife he finds himself in as a result of being a(n) NNP. I don’t think NNPs worry about things in the way we (NPs) do, but I do think they have a lot of very deep-seated anger, and that ultimately that is a much more destructive emotion.
I wish you well in your dealings with this person.
I continue to deal with a(n) NNP in my extended family. He is rude, opinionated, extremely self-absorbed, and can never see or admit when he is wrong, which he often is. He proved all of those things again this Christmas. I try and try to remind myself that it is his own anger and demons that make him a(n) NNP, but I know he doesn’t lose sleep over it. How can he if he never thinks he’s wrong? Very frustrating!
I am sorry to hear about your NNP situation. 🙁 But I must agree with you that the LWB community includes some pretty nice people. 😉