A college friend just posted a photo of her son at his high school graduation.
It got my attention because the “kids” weren’t much younger than my friend and her now-husband were when I first met them, and, as the boy looks like his father, the photo reminded me of them and how flipping long it’s been since I was in school.
It also caused a pang of sadness for another experience I won’t get to have. I won’t get to send my teen off to college or take a photo of him and realize he’s a carbon copy of his dad.
It’s Whiny Wednesday, and today I’m feeling whiny about what will never be. How about you?
Had things gone the way I had planned them to go, my child would have just graduated Kindergarten. So all the kid pictures from kindergarten graduations are getting to me.
I have a niece that is about the age my child would have been…had I ever gotten pregnant.
It was right after my SIL said she was pregnant with my niece that we found out that my husband didn’t have a vas deferens; and that lead us to the path of finding out he had cystic fibrosis and all the genetic issues that we both have.
Kara, I’m so sorry. One of the advantages of never being pregnant is that I never had this kind of due date to remind me. Never imagined I’d feel grateful for that! x
Graduation time for me means parties with family and friends and all of the painful, nosy questions that they ask. I am loathe to go just because it’s too painful to keep dredging up. Yes, I’ve been pg many times, but no, there are no babies because they just don’t make it.
Boy, this one struck a chord with me today, Lisa. 🙁 My daughter would have been graduating high school this year and I have been having a hard time with it. I can easily think of half a dozen or more friends/cousins whose kids are graduating this year. Here in Canada, grad isn’t until the end of June, but it’s prom season right now & university acceptances are rolling in… and of course my Facebook feed is starting to fill up with photos from graduations in the U.S. right now. Where we were living until just recently, we would regularly drive by both the public and Catholic high schools, one of which our daughter would likely have attended, and I was not looking forward to passing by & seeing the signs out front advertising the dates of prom, awards banquets, final exam dates & graduation. I guess it’s a silver lining that I don’t have to do that now because of our move, but Facebook is harder to avoid. I am OK most days on the childless front, but there are times when it still stings, and this is definitely one of them.
loribeth, I cannot imagine what this is like. Reading everyone’s posts today made me realize that being unable to ever get pregnant has given me a free pass on these milestones. Sending bigs hugs your way. xx
Yep. I had the same moment last Sunday when my bro in law sent out texts and FB photos of my nephew at his first communion. All the 8 yr olds dressed in white, SO cute….. and I was quite proud.
And then the adrenaline hit my heart, and I felt all this energy just drain down into my feet. I had a hard time fighting the urge to just wallow in that sadness of knowing that I will never have that experience myself.
I find that the times when I focus on all of the “I’ll Never…..” – those are when I feel the darkest. Those are the times that I have to fight off. Of course, I’m two years out from stopping from trying for a baby, and those moments are getting fewer and farther between, but still. It’s tough to see all of these “milestone” moments and know that they are not in my future.
I’ve know for many years that I would never have children, so know I get to see all the cute pics of grand babies. I just don’t thing that the feeling of ‘missing out’ will ever end for me.
I don’t think the pain will ever leave me – I get quite hopeful as I don’t feel as slapped across the face or punched in the stomach as I did previously at things like this. However, I think I am just avoiding situations more and that is giving me a false sense that I am over things! I fell over at Easter while snowboarding and fractured my wrist. I had 8 weeks working from home while I recovered, with a few trips to the office for meetings. I was at my happiest for years. I came back to the office full time just yesterday and first thing I had to listen to was all about a new born, and then the photo! I went back to the gym for a spin class to get the surprise announcement that the combat instructor is not around now!! I felt a wave of grief and sadness that took me 24hrs to shift……..I’ve been reciting “we have a good life”, we go places, we do things for ourselves, things we could not do with a family……….. I would choose the family – I don’t have a choice, so am booking up a weekend city break – life is about me and my husband and doing fun things. I am reminded of Jody Fosters quote “children are here to fulfil their dreams not ours” – we must continue to pursue our own lives and interests.
I get this twinge every time I hear my siblings or friends discussing their kids and how fast they grow. My Bro posts a lot on FB how he loves this time of life ( 5 kids between the ages of 6-15) I cringe because I won’t be sitting around the table with 5 children playing games and saying I love this time of my life. Even going on summer vacations with a big family will never happen. Many dreams have to be played to rest and new ones need to be made. I’m a very sentimental person and seem to keep my head in the past at what life was like before IF who things were so much happier, now i’m having to learn to look at the future without seeing it full of sadness but full of possibilities, other possibilities I may never have imagined before, and that could be a good think, right?
Yes definitely – there are things round the corner that will be different but good, definitely good 🙂 some things you brother will not get to do……..