Life Without Baby

filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Whiny Wednesday: Uber Parents


They’re everywhere. You’ve heard them spouting about pre-schools. You’ve seen them take over restaurants. Maybe you’re even related to one!

They’re the topic for this week’s whine:

Uber-Parents

Here’s your chance to blow off steam.

Comments

  1. Following this post .. I have not heard of the term “uber-parents” (Thankfully .. i think?) before I do my google search

  2. I don’t know what this means either – I’ll probably know when you describe “uber-parents”!

  4. Ok, so I see that helicopter parent and uber-parent appear to be one in the same. The parents who hover, try to spare their child from any form of disappointment, and in the end manage to over-protect them from the real world to the point of dysfunction. I don’t think I know any parents like this, but then again, I’ve distanced myself from my friends with kids for many years now, so who knows, maybe I do know people like this.

    My annoyance is that my one friend who I do stay in contact with because she’s long-distance tends to share too much adult info with her now 5 year old daughter. She’s made her a political activist at the age of 5 (and much younger). She made her so involved in the presidential election that she cried and was scared when Trump was elected. Sorry, but I do not feel that a child should know that much about some of these very adult things. I do think there is nothing wrong with sharing some of our values and beliefs with our children and to give them good role models. But I do think that it needs to be done in moderation when they are younger, and selectively – age appropriate. Let the child have a childhood, not a childhood full of worry about how our country is going to hell in a hand basket. That’s what adulthood is for…worrying.

    And while we’re on the subject of whining, I just think it’s really sad when I see people in restaurants with their kids and the kids have to have an electronic device just so they will be quiet. And often times that means that the parent is on their own electronic device as well. No conversation, no interaction. More babysitting with electronics. I wasn’t even allowed to take a toy into a restaurant when I was little. I was taught to behave. I know I sound like an old fart saying these things, but honestly, how is it that we were able to learn these kinds of things as very young children and today’s kids don’t seem to be held to the same expectations?

    • Thanks Jenn – great post and totally agree with you. Like you I distanced myself from all friends with young families, not just from the pain element. I don’t see any evidence of discipline or boundaries – I’ve had so many lunches or coffee catch ups with my friend ruined because parents let their children run wild or bribe peace with chocolate cake. Children should have a childhood and no worries at all but they should know how to behave. The world has gone mad.

  5. I’ve heard this term before, and in its basic form it means ‘Extreme parents’. It’s actually really popular amongst my mom friends, they use it to refer to the ‘Over-the-top-no-average-person-can-compete- type parents’. They will use it in two ways, a more positive connotation, possibly a compliment. For example the uber-crafty mom, the uber-sporty dad, which is more of a ‘wow these people are amazing but freaks’ type of descriptor. The second is a general reference, Uber-Mom or Uber-Dad usually refers to a parent who is grandiose in their parenting, usually on purpose, and is so extreme there are usually running bets if they are either aliens or have a really good stimulant prescription.

    I certainly have ‘uber-parents’ in my family and friends group. Like I mentioned above, most fall into specific categories. My one friend for example, is the uber-green mom. Everything is organic and eco-responsible, she made her own cloth diapers and baby food, sews her own clothes for the kids out of recycled textiles and can whip up a homemade cleaner like no one’s business. However in every other facet of parenting she is pretty average, she doesn’t hover, she’s pretty open about most things, but in the environmental aspect…she’s way over the top compared to most parents. Her being this way isn’t some sort of competition or because she feels that it’s the only way to be a good mom, it’s who she is, she was like that before she had kids (she used to give everyone homemade toilet paper for xmas).

    The uber-moms and dads I know (that fall into that second category) are hell-bent on being the top parent. It’s not about being the best parent for their kids, it’s about being the number one parent. The top of the parent pack, the one everyone aspires to be. If everyone is sending their kids to school with carrot sticks, Uber-Parent grows their own heirloom rainbow carrots in their basement and hand carves them into zoo animals. If an average parent gives their kid big cardboard box to build a fort with, Uber parent wouldn’t be caught dead letting their kids down like that. They would quickly fashion a true-to-scale fort crafted from construction grade materials (that they naturally have already in their garage because what kind of parent isn’t prepared for their child’s needs?)Their kids are enrolled in tap, ballet, soccer, baseball, ettiquite classes, calligraphy and macrame, and lets not forget the tutor that comes in four times a week, I mean anything less for a five-year-old is just laziness and neglect. They are involved in every aspect of their kid’s’ lives to the point of smothering and have no limits. How they look to others is way more important than what is actually good for their kids. Sadly, most of the uber parents I know although look like these exemplary super parents, but behind closed doors, their kids are really suffering. Once they hit adulthood they just collapse, unable to function in a world that doesn’t add up to the culture at home, and worse, get dogpiled by their peers who react to their perceptions and expectations with eye rolls and ‘get a grip’ statements.