If someone asked me if I’d ever robbed a bank or if I’d ever done illegal drugs or if I’d ever stolen a car and gone on a drunken joyride, I would answer with a simple “No.”
Period. End of conversation.
But when a new acquaintance asks, “Do you have children?”, for some crazy reason, I feel compelled to elaborate.
“No, we have dogs.”
“No, I didn’t meet my husband until we were too old.”
“No, but I love my nieces and nephews. And we’re crazy about our godsons. And there are tons of other kids in our lives who we enjoy!”
In my opinion, I have no obligation to answer any of the above questions beyond the one-word reply. Frankly, if someone asked me one of those very rude and none-of-your-business questions, I wouldn’t feel they deserved any response. So why is it that I feel I owe people an explanation about my childfreeness? I really don’t know.
I’d love to hear what you think and how you reply, and maybe I’ll find the courage to just say “no” the next time someone asks.
Kathleen Guthrie Woods is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She is mostly at peace with being childfree.
I do this to and I don’t know why. It is no ones damn business. If you’re a new friend, I’ll tell you but complete strangers to need to know anything about me.
But then they push for me to have a fur baby. I’m probably the only one on here but I don’t like animals. NEVER did. Even as a little girl, I didn’t like puppies or kittens, I just don’t like them. I don’t want harm to come to them but I don’t want them either. It was one of the first things that DH and I talked about when we got engaged. I don’t EVER want a pet. No matter how much the kids beg. He was indifferent and we now know, allergic to animals (so that helps). And then there were no kids either.
Why can’t I just be childless and furbabyless without having to explain myself?
I am always surprised when people ask me why didn’t you have kids?
Regarding having a fur baby?? No ! Women give birth to humans !!!
I love pets, dogs are my favorite but I am not their mom…nooooo !!!
I do the same… I think that I elaborate the answer because undirectly I wan’t them to know that not having a baby was not a choice… That it doesn’t mean that I don’t like children or I don’t know… I have a dog too and switch the conversation on dogs… Actually I hate these questions… as you said «very rude and none-of-your-business questions » This is not easy to escape the question… and you are right… the answer should be simply ‘no’ period…
I’ve reached the point where I just say “no” and don’t elaborate further. If they push, I might offer more information, i might not, depending on the situation & tone. 😉 I don’t get asked as much these days, and at my age, people don’t push as much — I’m too old for a baby (whether biological or adopted) & I guess I must look it, lol. 😉
Kara, I DO get people pushing us to get a dog or cat, especially because I post photos of our nephew’s dog on social media. I do like animals, but I just like enjoying other people’s. 😉 I am slightly allergic… and, as I always say, if I didn’t have a pet in the 26 years that I had a house with a huge backyard for them to run around in, why would I get one now, at my age, when we’re living in a condo, four floors up? I can’t just let them outside to do their business. And I would like to travel more, and pets would be a complicating factor in doing that. No thanks.
I was wondering if you would ever say “No living children”.. ? For the reason Jenn said below?
I found it does stop conversation quite suddenly (even my current version of saying I have 1 living child)
This question drives me crazy, if I say no I feel like I’m doing an injustice to the babies I lost. If I say yes it’s a long story. Plus if you say no you hear the why not or don’t and they complain about their kids. Currently I’m going with the funny response and saying no my dog is allergic.
LOL!! “You’re dog is allergic!” Love it.
love this reply…
I say no – except when I am asked ‘which kids are yours?’ ( at a party when lots are running around) in which case I laugh and say ‘NONE!’. Complete sentence. Done! If people ask more questions then I elaborate, but I never feel the need to ‘ defend’ my lifestyle.
I’m a strong believer in just saying “no.” I tell people I want to know, or show by the way they ask that they deserve to know.
it depends on – often I say “unfortunally not”. Most people react in a good way then, they don’t talk to much about their kids, or don’t say silly thing about women and their career without kids – and even sometimes I find new fellows I didn’t know about before.
Sometimes I just answer “No”, but this guides to the next question “why”.
I just say no, not by choice and people don’t ask me anymore questions.
I’m just popping back to say that your “it got me thinking” post did, in fact, get me thinking. And I’ve just posted today (1 June 18) on the reasons why I just say “no.” Thanks for the inspiration!
That’s awesome, Mali! Thanks for letting me know you were inspired. Warms my heart. xoxo