It seems that every day brings a new set of challenges. Some of you might be dealing with graduation season now, which was always a tough time for me in the past. It was hard to watch friends celebrate their grown children and usher them safely from the nest. It was one more thing on the long list of “I’ll nevers.”
Next come summer vacations, when kids are suddenly everywhere, and before you know it, we’ll be staring at Halloween and the beginning of the holiday season. I’m not sure there’s any time of year that isn’t challenging in some way.
What are some of the challenges you’re dealing with right now?
Have you recently made the decision to stop treatment and are trying to figure out how to let go of your plans for motherhood?
Are you stuck in a cycle of grief that you can’t seem to break out of?
Are you slowly accepting that your life won’t include children and you’re wondering what to do now?
Please leave me a comment below and I’ll try to cover these issues in the coming weeks and months.
I’m stuck in never ending cycles of grief. Most recently I’ve been struggling with all of the milestones I have missed and will never meet. The photo of me in a hospital bed with a newborn, first day of pre-school, kindergarten, Jr and Sr high. Graduations, birthday parties, holidays, favorite toys, activities and hobbies. These are just a few of the things I have missed. Now in my mid-fifties I feel devastated, sad and as if I have failed.
I work with kids (I’m a music teacher), so I’m not sure that most holidays and certain rites of passage hold the same sense of loss for me-since I’m continually around young people and kids.
Moving forward is something I’ve been working towards this year (which includes looking to and seeking out women older than me without kids and noticing the great things in their lives).
I still struggle with babies-pretty much any kid up to age two. I avoid baby-showers, holding small children, parks, the local splash pad and (as a redhead myself) redheaded babies elicit particularly sad feelings.
The main challenge (for me at 34) is finding ways to deal with the symptoms of early menopause when my peer group isn’t there yet. And finding better, more mature ways to shut down the conversations I don’t want to have with casual acquaintances or the new people I meet about not having children. Sometimes I can be too snarky and sarcastic.
I went to my parents house and saw a painting hanging on the fridge. It was made by my nasty cousins three year old. I looked at it and thought my parents should have pictures my kids made on the fridge. Not hers! Of all people! I know they would make amazing grandparents and I feel as though I am letting them down on that dream (even if they don’t see it that way) and now they are subconsciously living out that dream through someone else. It hurts. A lot.