Life Without Baby

filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Your Next 15,000 Days

I was recently introduced to Klara, a blogger in Slovenia, and her new blog The Next 15,000 Days. Her title caught my attention immediately, and I had to know what it meant. Here’s what she writes about her choice of title:

“Just a few days before Christmas we will celebrate 3,000 days since our wedding day. Our first 3,000 days were mainly sad. Of course, there were also lots of great things. The greatest was that I realized I married the love of my life; all the pain brought us even closer together. If we are lucky, another 15,000 days are waiting for us. So, we decided to start living a new, happy life. We lost, already, enough days being sad. We just don’t want to lose another day.”

I love this attitude. It’s the same notion Mr. Fab and I had when we decided to start figuring out how to be a family of two. We drew a line in the sand and said, “This is where we start living our lives again. But it’s not always easy to do.

You can’t just decide to not be sad anymore. Sadness and grief are much more complicated and sneaky than that. They tend to hide in unexpected places and leap out on you when you think you’re safe. Family gatherings, pregnancy announcements, and closets where you kept baby clothes you planned to use are all places to be on the look out for a grief ambush.

But you can decide, as Klara says, to “start living a new happy life.” It takes work, and it might not always go as planned, but deciding is half the battle.

So, how do you plan to live your next 15,000 days?

Free to be Happy

It came as no great surprise when friends announced recently that they were getting a divorce. They’d been emotionally separated for years and a new job for one had made them physically separated, too. It was hard to see why they’d ever gotten together in the first place, as they always seemed mismatched. But they had kids, and the kids were the reason they’d stayed together.

Fifteen years ago, when I told friends I was leaving my first husband, no one was surprised, and more than one said, “Thank goodness you didn’t have kids together.”

Even now I’m unable to have children with Mr. Fab, I’m still grateful that I didn’t have to drag kids through what would have been a much messier divorce than it was. But how many people do you know who’ve stayed in unhappy marriages because of the kids?

I’m not suggesting being childfree makes it easy to flit around relationships without having to commit, but not having the responsibility for other young lives offers a kind of freedom to find happiness for ourselves.

Whiny Wednesday: Taking the Day Off

I’m taking this Whiny Wednesday off. I feel as if I’ve done nothing but whine all week, so instead I’m going to be Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary and list all the things I’m happy about today:

  1. My mum is here to visit, and she’s healthy enough to travel and fun to spend time with.
  2. My husband has the patience of Job and despite teasing me about being grumpy of late, he puts up with me.
  3. My cat loves me, in her own odd feline way. I am her #1 person.
  4. There is money in my bank account and food in my fridge, gas in my car and a roof over my head.
  5. I love my job, in fact I love all my jobs, even the ones that don’t pay.
  6. I have a great group of kids to mentor in my school program, and even though I want to take all of them home wih me, I am sane enough to understand that I can’t and won’t.
  7. I have friends who trust me enough to call me when they are in crisis.

It’s Whiny Wednesday. If you need to let it all out, go ahead. If not, tell me what you’re happy about today.

Good Morning, Australia!

Or should I say, “G’day!”

I’m very pleased to have been invited to write some guest blog posts for the fabulous childless.com. au. This is a really great Australian website that deals with all aspects of life from money to health to pets to my favorite subject: food. What you won’t find is advice on finding a pre-school, dealing with a finicky toddler, or the top ten gifts for your babysitter. Finally, a safe zone.

Along with all this fun stuff you’ll also find articles from other childless and childfree bloggers, including yours truly.

Here’s my first post for them: 10 Tips for Being Happy and Childless.  Hope you enjoy it.