By Kathleen Guthrie Woods
When I adopted my first dog, Beau, my girlfriends were convinced that he would be a man magnet. “Guys will come up to you at the beach and the park.” “Your dog is so cute! Guys will totally want to play with him.” “You have to take your dog running—hot guys will totally be attracted to you!”
Turns out Beau did indeed have a magnetic personality, but what he attracted were “guys”—and girls—in the 2 to 12 age group. “Oh my gawd! Your puppy is soooooo cute!” “Can I pet him? Does he bite?” (Fortunately, no…unless you’re a cat.) “Arf arf!” (That last one came from all the really little kids who tried to “talk” in dog language.)
In the early stages of accepting my childfreeness, such encounters could be painful. I’d think about how cute the kids were, how much I wished they were my own, and I’d lose myself in my loss. But over time, I began to cherish, even look forward to, these brief connections in what is otherwise a quiet daily life. In hindsight, I’ve thought about how they’ve helped me in the healing process. Trailing alongside as Beau served as neighborhood goodwill ambassador, I felt less isolated and more a part of my community. As he lapped up the hugs and cuddles, I got drawn into friendly conversations with strangers. Not “strangers,” just other humans seeking, like me, to give and receive a bit of affection.
Beau has since passed on to the dog park in the sky, or as dog lovers sometimes say, he’s crossed over the Rainbow Bridge. These days my walking companion is Louie, a rowdy, wicked-smart, completely devoted cattle dog-Corgi mix my husband and I adopted several years ago. (That’s Louie on the left and Beau on the right below.) He is not really my “kid”, he will never take the place of the children of my heart, but he is one of the great loves of my life, and I am so grateful for the joy he brings me.
I’ll bet many of you have also realized how much your four-legged companions have helped you through tough times. If you don’t have a pet, consider volunteering at a shelter to play with the animals, offer to walk a neighbor’s dog, or simply stop someone on the street and ask if you can pet his/her dog. If you are the lucky human of a beloved pet, I hope you’ll share a story in the comments of how s/he has brightened your world. We could all use a little extra dose of light and love today.
Kathleen Guthrie Woods is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She is mostly at peace with her childfree status.
We lost my elderly dog at the same time we started to TTC. We have a cat as well, who became closer to me once she was the only pet again. I enjoyed that closeness with her, as she was my husband’s cat long before we met. She started to cuddle with me, lay on me, like she always did with my husband. But, I am a dog person for sure, so about a year later, in the midst of nothing happening in the TTC realm, my husband finally agreed it was time for another dog. She was my 40th birthday present. I think it happened at just the right time in all of this. We were starting to really feel the stress of nothing happening for a year into TTC. Just being forced (by her high puppy energy) to go for walks, I was given something to look forward to each day, something to focus my motherly energies on.
I think because of my sadness and grief surrounding my infertility, I probably tend to smother them and have an irrational fear of losing both the dog and the cat (either from an illness or running away or whatever). I do have to keep it all in check or my husband may think I’ve gone off the deep end. I sometimes whisper to them that they are the closest thing to a baby I will ever have. They probably thinks I’m nuts with my clingy-ness.
I’ve always been a huge animal lover and usually drag my husband to some animal place when we travel, either a wildlife rescue, a zoo, etc. We just recently lost our almost 16 year old dog, she’s was sick for a few months on and off. She definitely got us through the tough times of dealing with infertility and losses. Our princess was super friendly with everyone and animal she met, she would always lick the cat at the vet’s office to say hi and it would give her a friendly swat.
My dog of 9 years died 4 weeks before we were starting ivf which we knew would likely fail. I was devastated – I said “he was meant to help me get through it now what do I do?”. Everyone told me not to get another dog as if the ivf worked I’d have a baby and a new untrained dog. But I was miserable and pessimistic about things working anyway so 6 weeks later, in the midst of ivf injections we got a new rescue dog. When our ivf failed dismally and painfully, with news we should NOT try again, me and my partner hugged the bejesus out of that dog, often when we couldn’t hug each other as it was too raw. And I think my mum likes him more than her grandson!
Well I’ve never been an animal person never. I mean I just liked things to be constantly clean and sanitary. But Its crazy what lonliness can do to you. It started out with me wanting someone to love and nurture.
I have two cats “Syncere” and “Cherish”. They both chose me. Cherish is 5 months and I got her about two weeks ago. She’s a little “lovebug” that loves to lay under me, she likes belly rubs, kneading into my shoulders, and lets me cradle her like a baby. They are my pets and I love them dearly. They have brought lots of joy into my life and adventure.
But they are not my children, so my heart still aches. Sometimes it aches to tears because. They are just my pets my family makes this feel even worst. I won’t get into that here. But “Syncere” has been my little “soldier”we’ve been through some major changes and hard times. In just the 8 months I’ve had him. He was a sick kitty and required alot of care early on. It was hard as I almost gave up on him. But my heart wouldnt let me, I was already too attached to him to give him back.
With him being sick I learned alot about. Myself and the kind of mom I would have been. I’ll say this I just wouldn’t have been able to handle my baby being sick. It ripped my heart to shred watching him be sick. I was a mess maybe its best, I’m childless. I hate to say that. Because I see babies born from worst personalities. Than my emotional self, I just love deep and that mean I hurt harder. My kids would probably “drown in love” and affection if that’s even possible.
I’m so very Thankfull for my two “furr babies”.
We added a sweet whippet to our “pack” after we finally stopped ttc. I’ve had a few remarks about her being my replacement child. Maybe my dogs are my children, maybe they’re just family. But my big rescue mix of everything is always there for me and my new little girl is a bundle of joy on pogo sticks and they make me happy. They helped me face the world again after I felt (and still feel) less than acceptable. They follow me around when I do my chores and I tell them about my day and sing them silly songs. Sometimes when it’s a tough day I cry into my big guys fur and he patiently sits without judgement until I’m done. They keep me together so my husband doesn’t have to! I don’t think I could have faced the world again without my dogs as a shield!
Our dearly beloved kitty was diagnosed with lymphoma whilst we were ttc. He fought bravely for 3 years and passed away at age 18 peacefully a year ago by at home euthanasia. It was hell watching him decline but it was an honor and a privilege to take care of him and be his kitty Momma. I loved him and mourn him like a child. It’s been a year but it’s still too painful.
very cute! lots of love to your fur-baby .. i have been thinking about getting a kitty for a while .. but something always stops me .. i really think i should get one in the near future
We got a puppy late last year after deciding to give up on trying to have a baby. Our puppy has been such a bundle of joy and one of the highlights of my day is the welcome I get when I come home to him. He takes up quite a bit of our time and energy and it has been good for my husband and I to have this as a focus. He is also a hit with the extended family including our little nieces and nephews and my elderly grandmother. I agree with the above comments about a dog increasing opportunities for social connection – I take him for walks at least once a day and I find myself chatting a lot more to people out and about than I ever otherwise would. He is so unconditionally loving and playful and devoted and I can relate to being very attached as well!
Yes, I have been able to meet my neighbors thanks to my dog. The sad thing is, I know most of my neighbor’s dog’s names, but not my neighbor’s names!!!
our family is too small… no pets even. but our finances are too small and our apt. is too small… so… waiting game until “someday”.
My dogs are my heart. I have 3 and keep 2 of my moms. 2 are rescues, their stories will make the toughest person cry.
Everyday we make baby steps to progress of dogs being dogs instead of punching bags is a day of blessings and happiness. Each time they snuggle closer instead of running in fear of thunder is a day I wouldn’t trade for the world.
Most people have humans to grow and love, I have dogs and that’s quite alright with me. I am their caregiver, their leader, their protector, feeder, snuggler, and player all rolled into one. They need constant supervision, between me, my mom, and my brother there is always someone with them because 2 are special needs and cannot be left alone for longer than about an hour. The only difference is they aren’t humans.
Come hang with us for a bit, and tell me I’m not a mom…
Your last line got me right in the heart. <3 you ARE a Mom.