Life Without Baby

filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Infertility 101

Although I know that many of you have more education than you’d like on the subject of infertility, my goal this week is to get the word out there, and offer as much information as possible for people who don’t know about or understand infertility.

Here is Infertility 101, from the RESOLVE website:

Infertility 101: Get the Facts

What is infertility?
Infertility is a disease or condition of the reproductive system often diagnosed after a couple has had one year of unprotected, well-timed intercourse, or if the woman has suffered from multiple miscarriages and the woman is under 35 years of age. If the woman is over 35 years old, it is diagnosed after 6 months of unprotected, well-timed intercourse.

Who gets it?
Infertility is a medical problem. Approximately 30% of infertility is due to a female factor and 30% is due to a male factor. In the balance of the cases, infertility results from problems in both partners or the cause of the infertility cannot be explained.

What are the risk factors?

  • Weight
  • Age
  • Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs)
  • Tubal Disease
  • Endometriosis
  • DES Exposure
  • Smoking
  • Alcohol

What are the signs and symptoms?
Often there are no signs or symptoms associated with an infertility problem. Listening to your body and getting regular checkups will help to detect a problem. Early detection and treatment of a problem are often critical in achieving successful pregnancy outcomes later.

How is infertility treated?
Medical technology now offers more answers and treatment options to men and women trying to conceive a child. From hormonal treatments, ovulation induction and Intrauterine insemination to more advanced technologies like in vitro fertilization, ICSI to surrogacy, egg/sperm donation and even embryo donation. For more information on treatment of infertility visit the Family Building Options section of our site.

What medications are used?
There are a variety of medications used to treat infertility. It is important to understand the medications and what their purpose is and to speak with your physician about the medications that will be used in your specific treatment plan. Read more about Fertility Medications.

What is artificial insemination?
Artificial insemination is now more commonly referred to as IUI (intrauterine insemination). It is a procedure used for couples with unexplained infertility, minimal male factor infertility, and women with cervical mucus problems. The procedure uses the husband’s or donor’s sperm, washing and treating the sperm, and then injecting it into the woman during the time of ovulation. Read more about IUI.

What is In Vitro or IVF?
In vitro fertilization (IVF) gets its name from the fact that fertilization occurs outside of the woman’s body, in a lab dish instead of a woman’s fallopian tubes. Typically, a woman will use ovulation stimulating drugs to produce an excess number of eggs. These eggs are surgically removed from the woman and fertilized in dish with sperm. If fertilization takes place, the physician transfers the embryo(s) into the women’s uterus. Read more about IVF.

How can I find an infertility specialist?
Visit RESOLVE’s Professional Service Directory to find an infertility specialist in your area or visit www.sart.org.

Can my OB/GYN treat me?
In many cases the difficulty experienced in becoming pregnant can be resolved by a gynecologist without a referral to a specialist. Often the problem comes down to timing intercourse with ovulation, which may be assessed using one of the over-the-counter urine LH test kits (ovulation predictor tests). Your OB/GYN can also conduct a basic infertility evaluation. If a problem is found during your evaluation and for more complex fertility issues, it is advised to see a specialist.

What questions should I ask my doctor?
It is important to go into the visit with your doctor prepared. Visit the “Downloads section” of this site which covers important questions to ask your physician on a variety of topics.

Also, if you haven’t yet seen Keiko Zoll’s excellent video, What IF? please take a look. She captures all the questions that ran through my head and then turns the idea around.

[vimeo http://www.vimeo.com/11214833]

National Infertility Awareness Week

This week, April 24-30, is National Infertility Awareness Week.

1 in 8 women and men are diagnosed with infertility. RESOLVE and the infertility community are busting myths and telling truths about the most popular public myths and misconceptions about the disease of infertility and the different ways people build their families.

Check out the website for ways to get involved and get this important conversation going.

I’ll be posting on related topics all week, but here’s my question to you:

If you’ve dealt with infertility, what’s the one thing you want people to know?

It’s important that we talk about this so that we can start blasting some of those misconceptions about this disease.

Whiny Wednesday: Media Exclusion

This post was originally published on September 29, 2010.

My TIME magazine just arrived. On the cover is the silhouette of a naked pregnant woman. I put the magazine face down on the table and I refuse to read it. The sight of a pregnant woman does not make me envious or pine for motherhood; I’m just tired of having motherhood pushed at me endlessly.

Last month’s Runner’s World met the same fate with its double features on pregnant runners and the best baby joggers on the market. My longtime subscription to this magazine is in jeopardy as they continue to aim more and more articles at parents, leaving non-parents flipping the pages looking for something to relate to.

There are magazines galore for parents and mothers-to-be. Is it too much to ask for my news and hobbies to be safe havens?

It’s Whiny Wednesday. What’s rubbing you the wrong way today?

It Got Me Thinking…About the Answer to the Question

By Kathleen Guthrie

My book club recently read Rhoda Janzen’s hilarious memoir, Mennonite in a Little Black Dress. Janzen is childfree, and in an interview included in the back of her book, she was asked if this was a difficult choice. She begins by sharing that her then-husband’s bipolar disorder was a factor, not only the risk of passing his condition on to the next generation, but also because they felt they “couldn’t provide a stable parenting environment.” Certainly very sound reasoning. Then she took her answer a bit deeper, and this is what blew me away:

You know what troubles me? The notion that we should reproduce just because we can. Seems to me we should be able to articulate some proactive, deliberated reasons for bringing a child into the world. When women cite their biological clock[s], I wonder if they’ve thought that out. Shouldn’t human beings assess their biological urges as well as admit them? What if we’re having babies to feel less lonely, more needed? If so, we’re using someone to make us feel better about ourselves. That’s a little creepy.

I’m one of those women who “assessed” and, for many well-considered reasons, decided motherhood would not be the appropriate path for me. It stuns me that other people, and our baby-obsessed society at large, still frown upon this process, this logic. “Creepy,” indeed.

Kathleen Guthrie is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She’s mostly at peace with her decision to be childfree.

Too Perplexed to Be Outraged

You’ve probably seen the news this week about PETA’s vasectomy campaign and National Infertility Awareness Week. If not, here’s a quick rundown.

– PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) announced an upcoming campaign to offer a free vasectomy to a man who has his dog neutered.

 

– PETA then launched the campaign “in honor” of National Infertility Awareness Week.

 

– Blogger and IF advocate Keiko Zoll launched a petition and email/phone crusade against PETA’s campaign.

 

– PETA agreed to remove any reference to National Infertility Awareness Week from the campaign.

You can follow along as the story unfolded on Keiko’s blog.

I must confess that I was not one of the bloggers and infertility advocates that participated in the petition to PETA. I’m afraid to say that this was one of those occasions where I was too stunned for action. I never quite got to the point at being outraged about the lack of respect for the infertility community, because I could never get beyond the whole bizarre nature of the campaign itself.

As much as I support responsible pet ownership, I’m also personally aware of the consequences of human vasectomy. Voluntary human sterilization isn’t something that should be taken lightly or undertaken without weighing all the pros and cons. It certainly isn’t something appropriate to be won in a contest.

So, while Keiko Zoll was fighting and winning her battle, I’m afraid I was sitting here scratching my head trying to make some sense of the campaign. I never even got to the stage of trying to find some tenuous connection between voluntarily vasectomy and infertility.

I applaud Keiko for fighting the fight for the Infertility community and I continue to puzzle over the inner workings of PETA’s marketing department.

Childfree Women Lack Empathy and Ability to Love?

Sorry to ruin your Saturday, but this article got me all riled up and I had to share.

Former politician Mark Latham has accused the Australian Prime Minister, Julia Gillard, of lacking empathy because she is childless-by-choice. He says:

“I think having children is the great loving experience of any lifetime. And by definition you haven’t got as much love in your life if you make that particular choice. […] Anyone who chooses a life without children, as Gillard has, cannot have much love in them.”

This kind of narrow-minded thinking makes me sick, and I see it over and over. How does making a conscious, intelligent decision to not bring children into the world equate to an inability to love?

Mr. Latham’s ignorant assertion that “Anyone who chooses a life without children cannot have much love in them” implies that everyone who has children must be full of love.

So here’s a quick list of some recent news articles:

Chicago Tribune: Indiana man sentenced in 6-month-old boy’s death

Sydney Morning Herald: Woman charged over baby’s death

The Times: Mother and boyfriend guilty of causing baby’s death

Enough said.

Mr. Latham, I suggest you engage your brain before opening your mouth in future.

Facebook’s Skewed Perspective

As much fun as I had profiling some of great Cheroes, it’s time to get back to regular programming, and as usual, there’s no shortage of material.

 

In the news this week was a warning from doctors about teen depression and Facebook. Listed among the “unique aspects of Facebook that make it a particularly tough social landscape to navigate” were the “in-your-face status updates and photos of happy-looking people having great times,” leaving some kids to “feel even worse if they think they don’t measure up.”

 

If you’re childless-not-by-choice and spend any time at all on Facebook, these painful feelings might sound all too familiar. There’s nothing quite like a pregnancy announcement or cute kid pictures to remind you of what you don’t have.

 

But take heart!

 

The report is very quick to point out that Facebook “provides a skewed perspective of what’s really going on.” I think that’s true. While there are some people who clearly don’t give a second (or even a first) thought to what they post on Facebook, I know that I am very aware of how many people can read my posts and the different levels of “friendship” I have out there. Because of this, I’m always careful to manage my public persona.

 

If I’m having a crappy day and life is just the pits, I stay off Facebook; I don’t post my misery to the world. On the other hand, the pictures I do post are usually of my best days, out in the sunshine, with my husband, in some exciting locale, living a dream life!

 

I think that the majority of people post this way – we put our best Facebook faces forward – so it’s easy to look at a small sliver, a snapshot of someone else’s life and see it as perfect. In other words, it’s easy to look at a portrait of a happy family or read a jubilant pregnancy announcement and perceive that someone else has EVERYTHING we want.

 

But life just isn’t as simple as that.

 

If you’re at the stage in your journey where seeing some else’s children or baby news tips you over the edge, I strongly recommend giving Facebook the elbow for a while. But that’s just my opinion. There’s been a really great discussion on the forums about how to deal with Facebook. Take a look to see how other readers dealing with it.

Help with a Research Project

University of Texas Psychology student, Lindy Lotz, is conducting a research project to investigate the life satisfaction of women who do not have children and how this relates to various aspects of life (e.g. desire to have children, pressure to have children).

She is looking for volunteers to a quick online survey. I took the survey myself and can vouch that it really does take less than five minutes to complete. As a plus, participants who complete the survey will have the opportunity to enter into a drawing for a $100 VISA gift card.

The eligibility criteria for this survey are women, 18 and older, who do not have biological children. There is no limitation regarding location.

If you are interested in taking this survey, just click on this link. Thanks!

Whiny Wednesday – In Defense of “Losers”

With all this posting about great childless women for National Women’s History Month, Whiny Wednesday has somehow seemed inappropriate. But now it’s long overdue.

I don’t own a TV so I have no idea who Kate Walsh is, but thanks to the Internet, I gather she’s something hot in the world of television. And I do know that she’s telling MORE magazine, and a whole lot of other people, that she “feels like a loser” because she doesn’t have children.

I feel as if I ought to be compassionate about this, to assure Ms. Walsh that she’s not a loser, just because she hasn’t added “Mother” to her resume, and to point out all the other areas of her life where she isn’t a loser…but it’s Whiny Wednesday and PMS week, and I’m just not feeling all that generous today.

So, thanks Ms. Walsh, thanks a bunch. I know you didn’t say that women who don’t have children are losers, but you sure did imply it. Way to go to perpetuate the stereotype that we women without kids are unfulfilled, dissatisfied with our lives, and something much less than our maternal counterparts. Might I suggest you browse some of the profiles posted here this month and give a little thought to exactly what it is about your life that has disappointed you?

And I’m sorry, but you won’t be making the Great Childless Women list. (Loser!)

Ok, feeling better now. It’s Whiny Wednesday, sisters. Feel free to vent your spleens at will.

Another Voice for the Childless-Not-By-Choice

We’ve long bemoaned the lack of media coverage for the childless and childfree. I know that I’ve complained several times about “safe” magazines, such as Runner’s World springing unexpected parenting articles on me in between the shoe reviews and training programs.

 

So, when I was asked recently to contribute some thoughts about childfree/childless/infertility blogs for a sidebar to an article about the mommy blog phenomenon, I was understandably hesitant.

 

Well, the article came out in BITCH Magazine this month (Spring ’11) and I must say that I’m thrilled. After the main Mommy Blog article was a FULL PAGE article entitled Barren Bloggers in Breederville!

 

OK, not the most flattering of monikers, especially considering one of the bloggers mentioned now has twins, but right up there, flying the flag for the “life after infertility” crowd was Silent Sorority’s Pamela – and yours truly.

 

And Hallelujah, if the author didn’t make a point of mentioning that some women choose a life path that doesn’t include motherhood, and that (and I quote) “Infertility and adoption experts stress that [adoption] is not a universal solution,” especially for “emotionally and financially drained” infertility patients, hesitant to “embark on yet another uncertain journey.” Honestly, I could kiss the author for getting those words into print. In fact I am considering printing them out and keeping them in my pocket for the next time someone asks if we ever considered adoption before deciding to live childfree.

 

Anyway, I’m keeping an eye open for the article popping up online, and when it does, I will most definitely be posting it here.

 

Sisters, if we just keep talking, eventually, we will be heard. –x-