Recently, my resolve has been tested. A new baby in the family, the use of my baby’s name, and a firm reminder that my family is, and will remain, very different from the fantasy family I’d created in my head. But, here’s what I’ve learned about myself in the past couple of weeks:
I am one tough, resilient lady. Life can throw all kinds of crap at me and I will pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again. Yes, the suit of armor that I’ve built for myself has its weak spots. Yes, there are holes in my life that I feel keenly from time to time, and my infertility is always going to be a tender scar. But, I am strong and I will survive. I may not have the life I’d planned, but my life is good and rich in ways I’d never imagined.
It’s these thoughts that I will stay focused on as we head into the holidays and onwards into a brand new year.
I’m with you on that focus. It’s not the life I planned, but it’s a good life.
Bravo dear one, Bravo!!
That’s EXACTLY what I was going to say.
I’m going to take you lead and try and stay strong this holiday season too. I’ve been able to be happy and strong around all of my friends and aquaintences as they have had babies over the years, and genuinely enjoy their children and the relationships I have with them. But now that my brother has had a child of his own (he has 2 step sons) I’m finding it a lot harder. Watching my parents be ‘Grandma & Pop’ is so bitter sweet. Its what I always imagined they’d be like with my children.
But I will put my armour on and shine it up and enjoy my wonderful life with my wonderful husband. Thanks for reminding me to be grateful for what I have.
I’m also watching my brother with his first child, my parents becoming grandparents for the first time, and dealing with my heart breaking all over again. I love that little girl more than anything, but it is so bittersweet. To see my parents get “congrats!” cards, knowing I couldn’t give them that. And to see how incredibily, deeply in love my dad is with his granddaughter.
I am also so happy for them, and most of the time I am happy with my life. Like it was said, it’s not the life I’ve been planning, but it’s still pretty great. I just have to remember that. ((hugs!))
We shall all band together, making our armor even stronger! Hang in there everyone…we’ll get through the holidays together!
And if all else fails…remember that we can wake when we want Christmas morning, have a hot cup of whatever we’d like, and enjoy our peaceful morning without chaos (even if that chaos is what I really wanted). There are happy moments to be enjoyed!
This is the most beautiful post I have ever read. I don’t need to read any more blogs. You have put everything I have been feeling in just three paragraphs. I won’t write about what has happened to me because I don’t want the water works to start. (The irony…I’m a pediatrician) So no water works!
I don’t know you, but I admire you, your strength, your weak spots. Whatever crap life keeps throwing at you, when you get up, dust yourself off, if you need someone to give you a hand, I will give you both of mine.
How did you think of these beautiful words? However it was, it’s brilliant!
Have a holly-jolly, chocolatey, super decadent, light-hearted, twinkly-lit, magical, perfectly harmonious Christmas everyone!
I, too, am dealing with a younger brother (8 years younger) who has a 16 month old little girl. This holiday season, I spent four weeks with my immediate family and it was tough, but I love my neice. Watching my mother dote over her first grandchild was hard as I always thought I’d give her her first grandchild. Learning last week that my brother and his wife are pregnant with their second child and my sister-in-law’s twin sister is also expecting a child tested my resolve.
This year I am on a journey to build my personal life–to put as much effort in it as I did/do my professional life. I’m trying to stand tall, wear my shield but not as many masks, and find that personal peace I crave.
Bravo to you for your resolve. Your words will help me as I go through this journey.