courtesy: iStockphoto
Trying to make a baby is supposed to be fun, and for a while it can be. But if you’ve been trying for some time, maybe even years, odds are it’s lost its luster.
What’s worse, the stress of infertility or the specter of a rapidly closing fertility window, plus the constant conversations of why you don’t have kids, can color your entire life. After a while, it’s easy to forget what you used to do for fun or even that you’re still supposed to have fun.
It’s been well over three years since Mr. Fab and I decided to get off the baby train, and let me tell you, it’s been hard to reignite our passion for the fun things in life.
We talked about it recently and realized it’s time to find that fun again. We made a list of things to do around town and we’re checking them off.
So far, we’ve taken a (rather exciting) canoe trip, been back to our favorite museum, and seen Gone With the Wind on the big screen. Here’s our list of what’s to come:
Go to an L.A. Galaxy Game
Play Mahjong at the Skirball Center
Have Dim Sum in Chinatown
Go to the Griffith Observatory
Take a Hop-On-Hop-Off Bus Tour of Hollywood
Go on a day sail
What about you? Are you remembering to have some fun? What’s on your list?
P.S. For those of you who get to be an auntie to nieces, nephews, and children of friends, happy Auntie’s Day for Sunday.
Right now I feel like my husband and I are just trying to catch our breath but I am anxious to get back to the carefree days we had before all of this started. Actually though, since we married a little bit later we were TTC/IF for most of our marriage. I’d like to start fresh. At the moment however, it is sort of difficult. Life is chaotic right now and my husband travels almost constantly. We’re looking for ways to slow things down.
I am just starting out on this journey and still find the passion and fun is all gone. I too want to get out with the people and try to have fun again. We have started “date night” every Friday night, last weekend we went to Griffith Park in LA and hiked around the old abandoned zoo. We are taking next weekend to go wine tasting in San Luis Obispo and taking the dog for our first “family vacation”. We are also planning our first holiday (without friends or family in the mix) for a very long time and we are headng to Belize for my belated 40th Birthday. It is hard to re-create life again, find that spark that was once there when everything has been sapped out of you. It is a long journey and I am only at the very beginning.
HI T Summers….so glad you found this site. It has helped me so much in my journey. It’s been a year since I started this journey so it still feels fresh at times, but it has gotten a lot easier as time has gone by.
I grew up near Griffith Park – I use to ride my horse all through the area. I now live up above San Francisco, but miss LA so much.
Congratulations on going to Belize for your birthday, I have never been but hope to one day.
Hubby and I agreed to sit down this weekend and start thinking of the Bucket List things we always wanted to do, but haven’t because we were paralyzed by the uncertainty of whether or not we would be ‘picked’ to be adoptive parents. Now that we are starting to process the fact that we will not share a journey of parenthood together, we know we need to plot a new course… a course of hope, laughter, excitement, and adventure. A course that is just right for a family of two. Deep inside though, I thikn we both just want something to focus on that reminds us the future will be ok as we go through the very tortuous task of taking apart and donating an entire nursery of dreams this weekend…
Angela – sending hugs at the thought of your weekend.
I think one way I deal with my grief (or not deal) is to keep myself extra busy and this summer has been no exception. I’ve noticed that the last two weeks we have stayed close to home I am struggling with not being depressed. Not sure if I am just tired from all our running, or and idle mind is not something that is good for me.
So far this summer we have taken a motorcycle road trip to Yosemite for the weekend, went kayaking in the Russian River, Water Skiing at Lake Berryessa in Napa, saw a concert in San Francisco and then road our bicycles all through the city being tourists. Next weekend we are off to Monterey/Carmel, then my mom and dad and two nephews visit for a week and we have so much planned for them. Then come November we are off to Spain for 17 days.
Being a family of two definitely has it’s advantages.
We promised ourselves an awesome trip every summer (I am a teacher, so summer’s are pretty much the only time for a longer than three day weekend trip…at least until we retire). In the three summers since failed IVF, we have gone to Phoenix, Cedar Point and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Vegas and Denver. We were also able to do a spontaneous weekend trip to Phoenix to meet my favorite author (Kim Harrison) over my sister’s birthday. Locally, we do movies, dinners out, errands with no time limits or distractions (we can browse Lowe’s for as long as we want), house projects like gardening and putting together and displaying our collection of postcards from our trips. We decided that if we can’t display pictures of our kids, we will display mementos from our trips, so every trip we take, we have to buy a postcard from the big things we did.
P.S. We power washed and stained our deck this summer, and it took forever (three days of 6 hours or more). I kept wondering how people with kids get things like this done, and then I realized that they probably have to do it alone; they can’t do those kinds of things together, at least until the kids are older anyway. So I love that aspect of being childfree…we get to do things together and don’t have to “take turns.”
Julie, good for you! This is what we do with memories of our trips – http://aseparatelife.wordpress.com/2011/11/15/snapping-memories/
Since we learned we’d never have kids, my husband and I have embraced fun (in our world, that usually means travel) with a vengeance! Since the day we found out there’d be no kids – Oct 20 2003 – we’ve been to Europe three times (in addition I’ve been twice by myself), on safari in Africa, combined a working trip to Canada with some time off, and a number of beach holidays/visits to family/friends in Asia. And not one of them took place during school holidays! We didn’t have to worry about the kids if our balloon over Turkey went down (it didn’t). We go out for brunch to child-discouraged places, go out to dinner with other childless friends, sleep in on weekends, drink wine when we want, etc etc. Just because we can. In fact, we’ve delayed maintenance/beautification on the house etc because it interferes with having fun. And I mean, what’s the point of life if we have a beautiful house but we feel bored and miserable?
I approve of your list – particularly the dim sum in Chinatown! Next stop, dim sum in Shanghai! (It’s on my bucket list.)
I’m a little late here. One of the things we do is go to UCONN football games and this weekend, we were discussing the fact that we’ll have some Texas teams joining the Big East soon – which means road trips to Texas. With kids, we couldn’t follow the team the way we do. It’s one of our indulgences since we can’t have kids.