There’s been a lot of hoopla lately about celebrities coming out and “admitting” to their struggles with infertility. While I applaud their courage for speaking up, I can’t fail to notice that these confessions always seem to come after the arrival of the miracle baby or the successful adoption. It perpetuates the myth that “it will happen if you only keep trying.”
So, what a breath of fresh air it was to learn that actress Aisha Tyler had opened up on “The Talk” about her struggle with infertility and her decision to “stop putting [herself] through the torture of the hormone injections.”
Instead of sugarcoating her story and giving the kind of canned upbeat response we’re used to hearing, she told some hard truths:
“A lot of women are going through [infertility], and I feel like sometimes they are made to feel badly or ashamed—like ‘Oh, you’re not being hopeful, or you’re not being positive,” she said, in an interview for Glamour. “I just wanted women that were also in this stage to feel like they’re not alone and they’re not the only ones going through this. But also know that if you feel like, ‘Maybe this isn’t for me,’ then that’s an OK choice to make too. And you’re not a bad woman if you don’t want to put your body through this or wreck your finances because of it.”
I think this is the very first time I’ve heard this said on such a public forum, so kudos to Aisha for her courage to speak up. (And Aisha, if you’re reading this, we’d love it if you’d write a guest post. Just saying.)
Of course, I have to add that Aisha’s revelation wasn’t known to the show’s hosts beforehand and they were completely caught off guard. “I swear I thought Aisha was going to say she was pregnant,” said host Sheryl Underwood.
It seems we still have a long way to go to change attitudes about infertility, but this conversation feels like a step in the right direction.
Finally!!! 3 cheers for Aisha! One for courage, one for honesty, and one for educating the general public!!
Granted, she hasn’t entirely ruled out adoption yet. (Unless that was just a bone she tossed to her cohosts — so desperate for some shred of a happy ending they could hang onto.)
But yes — I am so grateful to her for speaking out & being so brutally honest in such a public way. This is what infertility is really like, folks. You don’t always get the fairy tale ending. And sometimes, that can be OK too.
What got me the most is that as she was telling her story she left it so open to what happens – not saying her next step, if there is one. To me, that is probably the most accurate representation of what infertility is really like. It doesn’t matter how committed you are to having children – it just doesn’t always happen. I, for one, am at the point where I certainly hope to have children one day but my life thus far has taught me that children are not a guarantee so I’m a little more wary of promises. The way Aisha talks it makes me sad, but I can completely relate to her.
She was wonderful, wasn’t she? And I hope she knows (somehow) that there are many of us (hundreds, thousands, millions?) who are grateful for her honesty, and support her in whatever she decides. (I suppose Twitter would be a way to let her know, but I don’t do Twitter. Yet. )
It is so nice to hear someone say that you are not a bad person if you don’t want to do spend tons of money or deal with possible health consequences of putting all those hormones in your body. Sometimes I really wish I could have a family, but I try to enjoy my life the way it is and enjoy the children I get to work with at my job.
I discovered this today and loved it (through the tears of hearing “my” story spoken by someone else). It certainly is a step in the right direction. Thank you for adding your perspective to the conversation.