Yesterday, I put my mum on a plane and sent her home to the UK. After a five-week visit, it’s always a bittersweet farewell.
I have my office back and I can get back to writing without interruption. I have no one I need to worry about or entertain or feed, except myself, Mr. Fab, and my cat. ButĀ I miss her already and I don’t know when I’ll see her next, so my whine today is that I wish I hadn’t chosen to live quite so far away.
It’s Whiny Wednesday. What’s bothering you today?
(((HUGS))) Lisa, I can relate, as I also live a long way from my family (albeit not quite as far as you do!). Two friends (one my sister’s best friend since jr high, the other a close friend I’ve made online, albeit we have never met) lost parents in the past week, so I am all too aware that mine are getting older and our time together is precious. š
My whine is that I am in the middle of yet ANOTHER upheaval at work — new leadership, new organization, possible implications for my own job & work. :p I know I will survive — I’ve been here almost 28 years, and in the space of the past five years alone, the turnover has been such that I’ve worked under two different CEOs, four senior VPs, four directors and four senior managers (my direct supervisors). I have learned to roll with the punches. š But I am looking forward anew to retirement, hopefully sooner vs later. š
It must be hard saying good-bye to your mum. I find it hard and mine is only an hour flight away. But I hope you had a wonderful time.
I have a few whines. One is that I had to revisit the joys of the internal scan last week, and at the same time answer the “how many children do you have?” question from the scan operator. The second is that work opportunities seem few and far between, for either me or my husband.
My whine is always the same so maybe this isn’t the blog to whine about not having children. Maybe this is a blog to whine about something else, but I’m sorry I have to whine about the same thing. Today I was driving home from work where I finally have a supervisor I really like, my birthday is in a couple of weeks, my husband and I have been married 25 years, so my life feels perfect, except…….I’m so tired of going to bed and praying that I will no longer feel incomplete without children. My whine is I wish someone would give me the answer to getting past this and focus on the positives I have in my life. Any suggestions?
but you are so positive about your life! All the things you wrote….. only yesterday I thought maybe I should start a happinness journal. You know: Note one positive thing about every day. I had the idea during Pilates class (seems to be good for many things). Immediately I thought, wait – what would be the positive thing to write about today? Nothing came up – except perhaps Pilates class itself :-)… and I thought that that was quite sad. And pretty lame! So – maybe just stop the prayers, and honestly really only look at the good stuff?
You asked for suggestions so here goes. I have felt the same way as you for a long time. I have a lot to be grateful for in my career and my marriage but for a long time all I could focus on was what I didn’t have. I know it is easier said than done, but I have been focusing on embracing my life exactly as it is and it has helped. I saw a movie last year called “The Crash Reel” and it’s what motivated me to do it. It has nothing to do with infertility but it’s a story about someone who has wanted something his whole life and learns he can never have it because of an injury and how he is able to move on. This movie really spoke to me. It’s an independent film so you may have to search for it but let me know if it watch it and if it helps you. It also has a lot of spiritual and faith based themes that I think you would enjoy.
Hey Maria thank you for recommending that movie! (even though it wasn’t to me) I read your comment and I had my husband download it and I was so moved by it and I totally get how it helped you. It helped us so much too to just have the perspective that we’re different now and we can’t change it and we can’t go back to who we were. Thanks a mill!!!
I was having a good day today, the sun was shining after days of non stop rain… I had nothing planned… Just wanted a “me” day. Then arrived a text after 10am… A friend I hadn’t heard from in a few months…telling me she was about to miscarry and wanted to talk … This upset me for a few reasons…
1) she didn’t tell me she was pregnant even though she knows my views on being left out of the loop makes you feel more isolated and alone, she already has one child via ivf and has been now on the roller coaster for baby number 2 for a few years.
2) it confirms like all the others I have supported and met through infertility, once the baby comes… They disappear and make you feel a whole range of emotions. I can’t help but wonder if I would of heard from her if it had all gone as planned.
3) it has stirred up and brought back the emotions surrounding my miscarriages.
When is it time to stop supporting people and how do you let people know you can’t be their for them as you have to protect yourself?
I’m at a point where I feel comfortable talking about my infertility and it has really helped me release a lot of the hurt and pain. Do you think you could use this phone call as an opportunity to tell her what you have told us? I think it would be good for you and it is so much better than pretending everything is OK.
My whine is that I sometimes feel left out of family things because I don’t have kids.It bothers me so much that even though we live close to family I feel like the last to know about things. Sometimes I wish I could run far away and go live on the beach somewhere.
I see what you mean. The problem seems to be that is quite subtle. I guess most of the time our families aren’t even consciously excluding us. But not having kids just changes things or rather: doesn’t change our relationship to our family enough, as it does with people who have kids.
Recently I phoned my mum (back) and she said she didn’t have much time to talk. She and her partner were going up the mountains because her partner’s son+wife+babies+in-laws were spending a holiday there and they were going to join them for the weekend.
Fair enough, but it bugged me: I just don’t have something cool like this to offer them. It’s hard enough to come up with an idea for my own holidays, being single and childless. When I finally do, it’s certainly not something in such a “family way” which would allow me to include her/them, while still being on my own turf (last year I spent 1 week travelling with my mom and my sister…. after 4 days sister and I agreed that our mum was pretty tiring to be around….).
I’m tired of looking at friends’ pics of kids – or of preg bellies – on FB and giving a sigh. I’m years past this now, but it still catches at me and gives me a hitching breath.
I’m tired of feeling tired which is my life 100% of the time (medical issue).
I’m tired of feeling overwhelmed by the news of how we are destroying our planet and losing our freedoms.
I’m also looking back at my life and realizing how disconnected i am. With the exception of my hubby (thank God for him) there is no one in my life who misses me or says, “I wonder whatever happened to Kathryn?” or “Wouldn’t it be fun to have lunch with Kathryn again.” Yeah this last one sounds really self-pitying. It also sounds like i never tried. But i DID. And eventually i realized that all the trying and contacts were being done by me, and the loyalty was all one way. Don’t know what to do with that.