If you’re new to the site, welcome. You may be wondering what this Whiny Wednesday thing is all about.
Whiny Wednesday is the place you get to grumble—judgment free—about whatever’s on your mind. No one will ask why you’re not over it yet and no one will think less of you for speaking the truth, warts and all. And, within the boundaries of appropriateness, no topic is off limits either.
So, if you have something on your mind you’d like to unload, here’s the place for it.
Whine on!
This morning I was searching around the web for answers and I was led here. Maybe all I need to do is whine.
This past weekend, my husband and I along with friends went camping for a lovely Memorial day four day weekend. My hopes were high, spirit good, didn’t even see the breakdown coming. It honestly feels like it has been a while. The group was hanging out at our campsite, the boys walked over to another camper and the two gals left, with their kids, decided to go over to their campsite for a tea party and might as well have skipped away with their little ones leaving me alone and feeling more alone than I actually was to end up minutes later inside having a total childless breakdown.
It’s been almost two years since I found out at 38 that I couldn’t have children. It’s not fair, I said some really nasty words to God this morning about it, and I wish I could just settle my mind with the wonderful world that I have been given. But the pain creeps up and bites me when I least expect it. Thanks for having Whiny Wednesday… I feel a little better.
those ladies are so rude! you had every right to be hurt, mad, etc. What a bunch of jerks!
When you least expect it . Is such a familiar line. I always feel caught off guard when those feelings creep up and I think that makes me even more angry ! I hope you are finding a little more peace this week
They may have thought you just wouldn’t be interested in an outing with the kids — but they could have ASKED & left the decision up to you. :p It’s nice to be invited, even if you don’t think you’d be interested. I have been similarly excluded and it’s not a nice feeling. (((hugs)))
I have to verbalized my frustration, sadness and anger, about being locked out of e mommy club house. I have coffee with 2 people I work with and the other day they were going on about how well their kids are doing and then about the one of the women was going to the store where the other ones son work and introduce herself. I was never so aware of how woman will talk about their kids instead is themselves till walking this child free by Circumstnace journey. I feel angry, annoyed, and irritated all at once. I know this has to do with me and my journey or level of acceptance about not being a Mom, but it still stings sometimes. I would love to hear what others think or have experienced related to this .
Supersassy… The group of friends that we hang out with have a Mommy Club. It basically includes all of my husband’s friends wives except for me. They craft and go out to eat for “mommy’s night out” and I have never been included. Not that I want to be included because I really can’t talk the same baby/kid lingo with them if that’s all they talk about. So I just get left out and feel like a loner. It’s the common denominator that they share and they talk about what fun they all had when we are all together. It does sting.
I agree that it is difficult being left out of current neighborhood, friend, and work groups. I’ve also been having such a hard time lately seeing my good childhood friends post pictures of their children and their “perfect” families. Although I don’t hang out with these women now, they were the friends that I would play dolls and Barbies with as young girls. I clearly remember how we would play house and imagine our future families. My future family would always consist of 2 girls, 2 boys, and a husband of course. It’s just so sad. I have been logging onto social media less, so that has helped alleviate some of the sadness.
Annie… I completely took myself off of social media for almost two years. I found myself more depressed by seeing family stuff. Luckily fb has changed since then where you can unfollow people. When I got back on a few months ago, I deleted a lot of friends and unfollowed tons that I didn’t want to deal with. Truly… none of them have noticed. I felt like I needed to find who I was going to be now instead of who I thought I was going to be. Removing myself from social media did help.
I deactivated my FB account for almost a year too. That break helped me so much. I returned but now I find I really limit my time with it, blocked and unfriended certain people, and it doesn’t hurt me anymore.
My co worker has a friend who had a miscarriage a couple of weeks ago and she went back to work yesterday. I asked my co worker how her friend was doing and she said she was uncomfortable because she felt like everyone was pitying her, and then she said ‘you know like am sure you feel. You don’t want people to pity you because you don’t have children.’ I wanted to cry and hit her all at the same time. I guess because I don’t have children then I am to be pitied.
I’m so sorry, I know just how you feel, god the pity, that was the worst part of it all. I had so many moments like that at work. It gets better, I swear. It won’t be like this forever. Until then, be kind to yourself. And congratulate yourself for having the dignity to not hit her.
I am frustrated at work this week. I won’t go into all the details (wrote it all out, which ws cathartic, but decided not to hit publish) 😉 but one part of it involves taking on a heavier workload because my teammate’s pregnancy has been classified as high risk & she is now “working from home” until her due date, which is early September but delivery will likely be earlier. 🙁
Let’s just say things are such that I actually created a countdown calendar this week, which will take me through to the end of January 2016 — at which point I will turn 55 & can take early retirement. (Which I will probably be able to afford to do because we don’t have kids to feed, clothe & educate.) 😉 Childless/free living does have its perqs!! 😉
I had a terrible week at work too. I feel the same way, that I am counting the days to when I can retire. I told my husband that I feel like I am serving a prison sentence right now, not that I have a career. I feel a little better today but it was a rough week. I also thought, like you, that I could quit and do anything, even make less money or no money, because I have no responsibility to anyone but myself. Instead of feeling sad or lonely, it actually makes me feel very free.
Eek bad work weeks must be all around. I work in child care and we are really lacking in our summer camp program. I feel as though it is all my fault and I just can’t escape it right now. I also had a moment of enlightenment though. Whatever is going to happen at work will happen. It doesn’t matter if I stay up until 2 worrying about enrollment or fall asleep at a normal hour.
My younger sister is pregnant and I’ve been invited to her baby shower. I have another sister who is a mother, too. On Mother’s Day, it was painful to see them sending M’s day wishes to each other (I should know better than to check in with FB at this time of the year.) As much as I try to move ahead with my life, I can’t help but notice that most of the mothers I know (or mothers in the public eye) describe motherhood as the happiest part of their lives. I have to keep reminding myself that a lot of mothers, too, carry private yet significant problems or disappointments close to their chests, feel left out, different, and may struggle with challenges that others are unaware of. I will continue to remind myself to count my own blessings and to focus on building my own version of family consisting of my husband, pets, and close friends, knowing that I am not alone in this.
Motherhood is not happy all the time. Even when your kids are physically and mentally healthy, there is a LOT of terrible moments but people focus on the good to keep them going. That’s what we need to do. Focus on the good.
A friend of mine posted something on FB about how children bring joy in your life. I posted under it, not all the time. More than 40 people liked my comment and I know most of them were moms.
Maria, good reminder. I agree with you, and I’m sure that the mothers who liked your comment appreciated your thoughtful affirmation of the the many sides (sometimes painful and terrible, other times much more positive) of being a parent. Thank you for the important and honest perspective.