Life Without Baby

filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Whiny Wednesday

Whiny_WednesdayIt’s Whiny Wednesday, your opportunity to rant on a theme.

This week’s topic is:

Caring for elders and wondering, “Who’s going to do this for me?”

Feel free to add your own whines, too.

Comments

  1. This one touches a nerve for me! Lately I have been to a few funerals and when I see the “children” standing at the mother’s or father’s coffin instead of mourning the person I’m there to mourn, I think “who will stand up for me?”. I’m lucky; I am one of 4 sisters, so my sisters will stand up for me. I know that. But then the next question is” who will care for me when I’m older?” I am already making plans (although just in my head at this point) to move into the best assisted living I can find and afford. Or if staying in my little home with around the clock care is an option, then maybe that will be my choice…. I will look into this situation as students look into colleges. Endless searches, endless visits, and then finally making the best decision I can at the moment in time and then not look back. I will make the arrangements well before it becomes crucial and I cannot take care of myself. I will make an informed decision. — So many times parents leave this decision to their children. This is a decision that each person needs to make for themselves and I don’t see why in so many cases, it’s left to chance, or for the children to decide. If I had been lucky enough to have had a child, I would not want this burden to be on them. – Kristine

  2. I just found out that my sister-in-law (husbands brothers wife) is accidentally pregnant with their third. My very first thought was, “great, we will have another niece or nephew to help look after us!” Of course what I said out loud was “Congratulations!” 🙂

  3. Kristine wrote so beautifully – I have nothing to add.

    Regarding nieces / nephews: I don’t expect them to play any role in taking care of me. I think it would be selfish of me to expect that. And I wouldn’t want to be burden to anybody.

    • Klara,
      I don’t really expect much. Sarcasm is hard to read through text and I regularly deal with things through humor and sarcasm. 🙂 What I do hope for, however, is to remain in touch and close to my nieces. It’s comforting to me to know that there is a younger generation in my family that will live on and I can hand down traditions and heirlooms that are important to me. They can choose to do what they want with those traditions and heirlooms, but knowing that I have passed them on means a lot to me. I fully intend to take care of myself.

    • I do definitely hope they will play a role. I have definitely done it for my sunts and uncles. That’s what families and friends are for: to be there in the good times and the bad. That doesn’t mean i plan to become anyone’s burden, but i would consider myself scum if I was not there for others when they need me.

  4. I need to stop telling women about my situation. they looked at you like and your problem is… Women that can have children would never understand us that cannot conceive a child

  5. Nobody understands infertility like women that know it well for themselves. yes I never got pregnant, and never will but that does not mean I had no dreams of being pregnant. It does not mean I did not dream of dressing up a little girl and handsome boy. It does not mean pain is not really. It does not mean am no hurting. it does not mean I made no plans for grand children in the future. Women do not realized our pain, instead I am judge

  6. I work in the aging services sector and it can be very depressing. One thing I have learned is even if you have children that you get along with they may not be there for you. Many times it’s a very good friend. When my mother-in-law was dying my sister-in-law didn’t lift a hand to help, the responsibilities fell mainly on me.

    I have two nephews but am only close with one, and I try very hard to keep that relationship because I love him but also because I hope I have at least one family member to at least check on me from time to time.

    My husband and I joke with him and tell him he can have our assets when we are gone as long as he tries to make sure we are not abused and no one cons us out of our finances.

    • I agree Sherry. The other day I witness the same situation myself. A elder dad sick and a careless son been careless about his dad health.

  7. Am still grieving (both infertility, and grieving my dad who passed away two months ago). Have been wondering a lot about that. About who will stand up for me, will anyone remember me. Will anyone advocate for me. But to tell the truth, as much as I tried to help my dad, I could not truly ease his suffering. But then I also think of all the people that I have loved from afar, and also, I try to be there for people like my 86 year old great aunt who was also childless-not-by-choice, but whom i love very much and who had a positive effect on my life. Of course, I hope to honor her and support her and help her. As the youngest of the family in my city, I expect most of the elder care to fall on me. But I also hope that my circle of female friends, if that is what we have, if we’re lucky enough to get old, that we will support each other too.

  8. I missed the official Whiny Wed., and this whine is probably better suited to last week’s topic, but I am going to purge it out anyway. A coworker of mine recently told me (and the entire rest of the office very loudly) that she is expecting her second one. This would make her due right around the same time I would have been had the IVF worked. Anyway, she whispered her news to me (like I hadn’t overheard her tell everyone else) then followed it up with “I’m sorry.” I knew her announcement was coming, so put my game face on, but the I’m Sorry bit really threw me for a loop. It made me feel very small and like a giant failure, and that she expected me to be the bitter infertile woman who has it out for all pregnant woman. I kind of do behind closed doors, but still. Needless to say, the classic trip to the bathroom to weep followed soon after.

    • Today during our staff meeting a manager came to join the discussion. One of the physicians asked the manager about the two pregnant ladies in her department, and how our department should offer them a join baby shower.
      I was sad. It is sad to hear about others news. It is sad to hear about women that are pregnant, having a baby after baby, and here we are with none of our own.
      I tried my best to keep a smile on my face myself is hard.
      A coworker goes and ask me if I knew where I can refer a lady to get low cost PRENATAL CARE. How we would where to get prenatal care. Why should we care about prenatal care, prenatal care would never come our way. I was devastated.