By Lisa Manterfield
Lily sent me a wonderful blog post that I wanted to share with you as we go into the New Year. It begins with this quote:
“We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives… not looking for flaws, but for potential.”
I really relate to this quote because, in the past, this is exactly how I’ve approached the New Year. I’ve gone room-to-room looking for all the things wrong with me and resolving to fix them in the New Year. Come year-end, I’d look at my goals for the previous January and inevitably find that I’d fallen short, let myself down yet again. So, I’d resolve to do better the next year, to make it the year I improved myself.
I’m not sure whether it’s facing the reality of infertility that’s made me realize there are things about me that just cannot be fixed, or if I’ve just reached an age where I’ve decided to be kinder to myself. Whichever it is, I’ve adopted a new philosophy about New Year’s resolutions.
I no longer resolve to fix my flaws. I’m not going to aim to lose weight or organize my house or try to be more stylish. Nor am I going to compare myself to others—especially women with children—and find myself falling short. I am who I am and, even though I’m far from perfect, I don’t need to be fixed.
Instead I’m looking for ways to tap my potential and be the best version of me I can be. Instead of resolving to be who I’m not, I will try to nurture the best of who I am. I will set goals that point me in the direction I’d like my life to go and not worry about whether the “me” that arrives there is perfect.
As you head into the New Year, will you be making resolutions or setting goals? If so, are you being kind to yourself or are you treating yourself like something that’s broken and needs to be fixed?
Thank you for this perspective. As we appraoch the new year, of course I have been thinking about all of the things I want to change or improve and it does feel very overwhelming. On one hand, it feels good, like a fresh start, but on the other hand, I already know it’s a set-up for failure when all of the goals can’t be met. Focusing on who I am and what I do have and making that better sounds a whole lot more positive and do-able than “I have to change ……” And we all know that a positive approach brings better results.
This is a nice take on the New Year…I especially like the part about not comparing oneself to women with children. Now that you’ve pointed this out, I will make an effort to be conscious about this tendency, and to try and steer clear of such unhealthy and unnecessary comparisons. Thanks!