I’m currently enjoying a journey into menopause. Yeah, it’s a hoot. All the symptoms of PMS, plus fuzzy head, weight gain, night sweats, the works.
I’ve been prescribed HRT and I’ve been reaching out to older friends for advice, because there’s a lot about this I don’t know. Most of my friends have gladly offered support, however one woman (a friend of a friend) looked at me and said, “Menopause? You’re too young for that.”
I assured her I was not, and left the conversation, but really, is that a helpful thing to say? Yes, I know I’m too young for menopause. Add it to the list of things my body’s given up before its time. And then ask me how I feel about the possibility the rest of me might be aging faster than it should too. Does this ever end?
As you may have guessed, it’s Whiny Wednesday. I feel better for my venting. Hope you feel better for yours.
P.S. This in NO April Fool’s joke, believe me.
I have always looked very young for my age, even now at 49 I look like I’m 30. However, I started menopause in my 30s and now at 48, it’s is finished. My last blood test revealed I am post-menopausal and have the fertility of a 65 year old woman. When I would talk about my menopause symptoms in my 30s and 40s, I also got the comment,” you are too young for that.” I used to say in response, “No, I’m not” and I would get an argument and I would have to say, “I’m much older than you think” and I would still get an argument. After I got my last blood test results, I was reviewing them at work and in the middle of it I received a phone call from a male friend. I ended up telling him my blood test showed I had the fertility of a 65 year old woman and he said, “you are what me and my friends would call a fun date.” I laughed so hard when he said that and I thought now that makes me feel better. Men can sometimes bring an entirely different perspective to the table than women.
I love your friend’s comment! Exactly the perfect thing to say! 🙂 Total morale boost!
Not about menopause, but still meets the requirements for whining:
This morning my social media exploded with posts to the tune of, “fake pregnancy announcements are hurtful to people struggling with fertility or miscarriage”. Yes, they are. Thanks for noticing.
BUT – all pregnancy announcements are hurtful to us, including the real ones. For me, seeing all this stuff about not posting fake-pregnancy announcements is hurtful. At most, once a week on social media someone has a baby or announces a pregnancy – that sucks – I can deal with it because I understand their jubilation and excitement. But every time I look at social media today, I’m reminded of the group I unwillingly belong in because people (whose profile pics are their babies/children) decided to make the posts viral.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m touched that people are trying to crack down on fake pregnancy posts, but for me, today, in the place I find myself currently, it’s more painful than actual pregnancy and birth announcements. There is no joy underneath that I can latch on to. only sadness and shame.
I feel you on this one! Even though I’m in my mid-30s, my FSH levels are sky high, that of menopausal women. When women in their late-30s or early-40s tell me I have “lots of time” to become a mother, that I’m “too young” to be worried about not getting pregnant, etc, I want to scream! (For some reason I get the rudest comments from those who are just a few years older than me, verses women who are 50+) I try to explain that my calendar age has very little to do with my fertility age, but no one wants to hear it.
I agree with Maria, men seem to have much better responses than women do! They come off a lot less judge-y, that’s for sure!
Its a fact of life though that sadly nothing is guaranteed to anyone and those people are being very stupid saying you have plenty of time as you may or may not and there’s nothing you can do about it like with when you start your periods.
My mom went to menopause when she was 42.
And my 42nd birthday is only half a year away 🙁
Wishing you all the best.
My whine besides the fact that this is my second time trying to comment, is that I’m going crazy.
Between the 4th anniversary of my miscarriage today, avoiding a baby shower today with people I very much like but just couldn’t go, becoming obsessed that my close friend could be pregnant and I hate that but it was/ is nice to have a close friend that is a member of the club. And then I feel guilty. Oh and I’m covered in glue and paint
I started going through menopause at the age of 29. My doctor kept telling me I was too young and the hot flashes had to be in my head. I’m also on HRT but it’s no substitute for the real thing. I also gained 40 pounds that I can’t lose for the life of me. Oh joy
I lost an ovary in my early 20’s and when we tried IVF around 33 I was told my eggs were much older than my physical age. Then I had a hysterectomy in my 40’s. Maybe it just was never meant to be. The only good thing I can say is I never had to go through menopause.
I have the opposite problem, Lisa. I am 54 and Aunt Flo still visits with alarming regularity. I think I was less regular in my 40s, in the years after fertility treatment, but my cycles seem to have evened out again. The only thing I’ve noticed is my midcycle and PMS symptoms seem to be a bit more pronounced these days. I remember when I was pregnant and going for genetic counselling; one of the questions on the questionnaire I had to answer was whether there was a history of early menopause in my family. I called my mother & she said, “Good Lord, no, I thought it would never end,” lol. 😉 I finally asked her at Christmas this year what exactly she meant by that and when it all ended for her and she said in her mid-50s. :p I am due for an ob-gyn checkup soon; he’s never seemed too concerned so long as I haven’t been having too many issues, but I’ll ask him about it again. I never thought I’d be (essentially) retired and still having periods, but here I am…! It’s not that I’m looking forward to menopause, but I’m not exactly thrilled to still be dealing with AF at my age either. :p I have plans to buy all new bedding and some new underwear once she’s gone for good, but it’s taking longer than I thought…!
I am so so glad you posted this, Lisa, because it is the subject that few women talk about – much like periods I guess. Half the world’s population goes through it, and yet it is a taboo subject! I’m on HRT, after killer hot flushes last year immediately before and after my hysterectomy. I was getting 25-30 a day, and they are no fun. Emotions were out of control, and I wasn’t sleeping. I feel SO much better on HRT – 2 mgs of estrogen – it is as if I’ve got my life back. Especially now that I don’t have periods any more either (yay!), thanks of course to the hysterectomy. I started getting peri-menopause symptoms in my mid-40s. Honestly, if men had to go through with that, they’d get a compulsory 3-5 years paid sabbatical from work.
Oh, and my response to the person who said you were too young for menopause. “Insensitivity? Aren’t you too old for that?”
An Australian comedienne Jean Kittson wrote a book about menopause called “You’re still hot to me.” It’s a good read, with a few good laughs, and made me feel so much better about taking HRT. Highly recommend it.
Hi!
I am so glad you posted this. found you through your enlightening segment on the Brian Lehrer show. I had total hysterectomy/ oophrectomy at 42 as treatment for early stage uterine cancer (I’m fine). Or was it 43? I don’t know, my memory is shot. I went straight into surgical menopause. Months after the recovery, I had insane thoughts like “why didn’t the cancer just kill me I am losing my mind”. I went on bioidentical hormones after I begged my oncologist with my OB/GYNs support (they are not FDA approved in US) and had a prescription compounded for estrogen and “natural” progesterone. I’m still skeptical, but I was willing to try anything. I learned a special breathing technique and meditation to deal with stress, I’m finally getting back to the gym, and my gel cooling pillow is a necessary item (highly recommend) but still not much of a sex life if I’m honest. The hardest part is none of my friends are going through it so they don’t get it. For the headaches, may I also recommend medicinal marijuana. Also I’ve had tooth problems, fallen arches , and bone density loss (12%) since my surgery. So make sure you are getting enough calcium in your diet. I am laughing out loud about men taking 2 year sabbatical.
My periods ceased around the age of 40. My mother had a long drawn out menopause into her fifties and she started having hot flashes in her mid-20s, so I kind of expected it to be the same. Instead, it was like when I first got my period. I had just turned 14 and from the start, I was regular like clockwork. When it stopped, it stopped. Done. She apparently had been much more irregular throughout her whole life and had several years of winding down. For me it was like someone turned on the light and turned it off and I wasn’t quite prepared for that.
The ‘positive’ is I have never really had the major hot flashes – few here and there, but manageable. My mother had them bad – you could watch her face turn red as one came on. My husband and I are now starting to disagree about the bedding though (he wants flannels all year long. Good God, no!). The weirdest thing is that my underarm hair disappeared. It was never very much to begin with, but that was something I did not expect. I told my friend about it one day and I raised my arm to show her and she gave me an envious ‘lucky!’ look. Then I told her, not really because it has all seemed to migrate to my face which drives me nuts. At that point, she nodded and said ‘yeah, what’s with hair on the chinny-chin-chin thing?’ We just had to laugh because it’s really all you can do.
am so happy I have come across your blog! I am always looking for women out there going through similar situations (mentally and physically) and I find it helps when I don’t feel so ALONE in all of this mid-life mayhem. Thanks for your honest posts and advice. I wanted to recommend a book I think you would really benefit from (I know I did) called “Why is Mid-Life Mooching your Mojo?” by Dr. Joni Labbe (http://mojogirlfriends.com). Her book is a women’s guide to aging well, surviving menopause, and all the many questions and concerns that arise once we get past 40. Low libido, hot flashes, memory loss, fatigue, weight loss – it’s all covered! This book is a wake up call to reclaim your confidence and enjoy the best year’s of your life 🙂 I really hope you will give it a read. Thank you again and good luck!