I had to take a break from the news and social media recently. It just seemed as if nothing good was happening in the world. Amid all the wars, politics, tragedies, and deadly diseases was story after story that prompted this week’s topic:
People who shouldn’t be allowed to have kids
It’s Whiny Wednesday. What’s making you furious this week?
Going to be a totally bitchy and bitter rant, but a pregnancy announcement today really got to me. A friend of my husband recently married and his wife has some issues she should be getting help for, instead she gets pg as soon as she wants to which is tough to someone like me struggling for 12 years and having lost 4 babies. Totally ruined my mood so trying to keep my distance from them.
It’s such a hard thing. We just had a case here in MA you may have heard about, the Baby Bella case. A young girl’s body was found a few months ago, authorities spent months trying to identify her. There were even billboards up asking for information from anyone who may have known who she was. Well, turned out she was this little 2 year old whose mother had already had two children taken away. Seems her boyfriend killed the little girl and she helped him hide the body afterwards.
Goes without saying life is cruel and unfair, but so many good people who would make great parents can’t have kids…
It stinks, when you know or hear of people who have no interest in becoming parents and it’s a oops and then later on, the kids are being mistreated. Or you see mothers yelling or hitting there kids,and sometimes depending on what space I am in, I might look up and say really God. I can’t be a mom, but this person is. But I will never get the justice I long for. It is not fair, does not make sense, how this whole fertility thing is doled out. I guess it comes down to life is not fair, and heartaches Or obstacles are not distributed evenly. When I divorced my first husband , he actually left, but he was an alcoholic and occasionally would be sober but would always start up drinking, I thought he was my only chance at love, and being devastated , I thought I will never get over this.My friend said to me the best revenge I could having was living or having a great life. And eventually I did re- marry a wonderful guy, and thought everything’s right, now let’s have kids, but it did not work out like that. So eventually I think it’s the same thing with infertility, I could not make this dream happen but maybe other dreams could come true. And working towards developing a full life as a Childfree women is the best revenge for infertility. Hugs,
Since I never even met anyone to try and have a child with, I’ve always felt so worthless: “I wasn’t good enough, I must be awful”.
So when I have seen women (and men) not suitable for parenthood, I have felt even worse, thinking that if even that person was chosen by someone to share parenthood with, and I wasn’t, that must be because I’m even worse than her, dreadful, useless etcetera.
I’m slowly getting over this now, I’m feeling better about myself and not blaming myself as much and instead beginning to accept that it’s just the way things happened in my life.
I have always felt so full of rage and sadness for those children and now I have begun to think that a child would have been better off with me, despite my bad self confidence, than with many of the parents or there. That thought comforts me, even if it doesn’t help any of those children.
Lin, I try to think about it in reverse (though I’ve definitely had those negative thoughts). If even terrible people find people to have children with, then it is obvious that it isn’t an issue of who is worthy or not. Instead, it shows that you were thoughtful about the process, that you cared what environment you would bring any children into, and that none of this is a judgement on your value as a person or potential parent.
Personally, I also find this to be a comfort.
Thanks Mali for your comment!
Yes, that’s the way I’m learning to think now, changing my thoughts from blaming myself to accepting that life isn’t fair, it just is, and that even if I feel hard hit by some of the unfairness, I have life, and I’m going to be grateful for it and do the best I can to live it well.
I feel like I’m surrounded by people not worthy of being a parent. It amazes me how some people take it for granted… It just kills me! I have a co-worker (my company has 250 employees, so I only see her occasionally) and she had nine children with her abusive husband (comes to work with bruises and never has enough money to feed the kids) and gets pregnant with her 10th!! Seriously??????? Then she is trying to give it away to another co-worker who can’t have kids like it was day old bread! Double seriously????????? All I want is just one… Just one! And she gets 10???????
Unfortunately I feel this way about my sister…those kids deserve better. Both parents can’t stand them…they are less than 10 years old. And because neither want to pay attention or teach them how to be a good person, they destroy stuff (like my dad’s house (the window in their room) who they live with because she can’t seem to save money to get into a place of her own). They never say thank you when someone does something nice…like when mom took them to Disney! All the while you just want to rip their cell phones out of their hands and make them pay attention to the kids!!