If you’re new to the site, you might wondering what Whiny Wednesday is all about.
A few years ago, some readers commented that they couldn’t express how they felt around friends and colleagues, as they were always made to feel as if they were whining. So, we created Whiny Wednesday as a place to complain and grumble about whatever’s on your mind each week. It can be an issue surrounding living without children, or just a general grumble about life, work, family, the world.
I used to start each post with a gripe of my own, but lately I’ve found I’ve covered most of what bothers me, so I put out a call for Whiny Wednesday topics, and you, dear readers, came through! So, each week, I offer one of your suggested topics as a starting point, but as always, any topic is fair game.
So, let’s kick off with this week’s topic:
Parents who complain and complain then ask “Do you want my kids?”
Happy whining!
Alison Wade says
I actually say “no thank you” now and mean it! I struggle every day anyway and would not want a child to care for too. I have a 2 year old step-granddaughter and she is ok for a short time!
Julie says
Yep. I see a lot of “__ year old for sale!” from a few parents I know. I always offer $5.
Jane P UK says
I was thinking about this only this week – reflecting mostly about how this used to hurt. I want to add not only does the offer of looking after other people’s not help the deep feelings of not being able to have your own, but if I go back to the beginning of my struggles and the friends who were getting pregnant, having babies right when I was discovering – perhaps I couldn’t. I remember one visit, them moaning about it and actually stating “they were not interested in children, babies any of it till they had their own”! I rest my case “no thanks”, I’m washing my socks….
Bethany says
I hate this line- it is such a slap in the face. It is probably even worse than an “at least” statement. I wish that parents would stop minimizing our pain with this fake complaining.
Kara says
I know of someone who got so fed up with hearing this that she says to the parents, in front of the kids, because the parents offered up their kids while the kids were standing right there(!), “You must really hate your kids!”
She then looks at the kids and says, “I’m sorry you ended up with parents who don’t love or even like you; that they would offer to give you away.”
Lots of tears from kids from her saying this but it makes the parents really think about what they are saying.
Raven says
I always have the friends who offer up their kids to me when the kid is having a really bad day, almost as a way of saying “See how lucky you are that you’re infertile? You could’ve had to deal with this!”.
I’ve made it a point to say “Uhh, no thanks” and even enjoy it a bit while I watch them decide whether to be offended or not – which is funny on it’s own because they’re the one who offered their kid up (in jest, of course) because behaving terribly…why would I want that? You don’t even want them in that moment! LOL.
Nita Bourland says
I too have dealt with that in the past…
Just as we dont understand what we are saying when we envy those that have kids thinking they have a perfect life full of nothing but kisses & complete joy thus those that say that to us are envying our lives thinking if they could just go back to when they didnt have kids they would have all the money in the world and no stress.
Its two complete worlds and when people say that they dont realize just how much they are hurting us…they are thinking “If only” while we are thinking the same thing.
Kathleen Guthrie Woods says
I now answer “In a heartbeat,” and that shuts them right up.
Nita Bourland says
I too have heard this many times.
Just as we envy those who have kids and we think “if only” We envision our life would be perfect, full of hugs and kisses and all our troubles would be over. Thus parents envy our lives and think back to when they did not have kids. They think “if only” They think our lives are full of happiness, stress free with no worries whatsoever.
thus we have two different worlds.
When they say “you can have my kids” they are just trying in their own way to get us to see the reality of parenthood, the stress and that life is not perfect, they really dont know how much it is hurting us.
No I dont want their kids…..I want my own.
MJ says
Well said, Nita. A perfect case of the grass is always greener. I agree with you – I don’t want loaners. I want the joys and struggles of my own kids.
MJ says
Well said, Nita. This is a classic case of “it’s always greener…”, and they truly don’t know that it’s hard for us to hear that; just as we don’t “get” the challenges of parenthood. But borrowing their kids for a while isn’t going to fill the empty hole – I want my own, too.
cvb says
My broker and long-time friend had her baby Monday evening. A little early. Her husband is several years younger than her. Neither one of them had been parents. She had been married before and tried IVF in S. America and it didn’t work. She never lost hope that one day she would marry again and be a mother. She will be 50 in September. She and I shared the infertility and she has now graduated. And while I am EXTREMELY happy for her and her husband, both of whom I care for a great deal, I can’t help but feel yet another loss as yet another friend my age has gone over to the other side. You’d think at our age, it would be over, but it’s not. I cried my tears and have moved on today with my life, but sometimes, it’s still like a punch to the gut.
Jenn says
Depends on the mood I’m in that day, some days I’ll say sure and see what they’re reaction is, other days I say No Way, I’m happy with my dog as my furbaby.
Different Shores says
‘You can have mine’ used to really bother me: it felt very insensitive. Now if anyone said it to me, I’d make sure to set my face to disgusted and say ‘No offence, but you can keep them’. Even parents say they can’t stand other people’s kids so it’s a really cretinous comment in the first place.