This topic came up on the community forums a while ago and I thought it was a great topic to explore here on Whiny Wednesday.
Not being treated like a “real” adult because you’re not a parent.
I’ve certainly experienced this myself and talked to friends who say they’re still treated like a kid because they don’t have children of their own.
How about you?
It is not so much that I’m not treated as an adult but people are shocked to find out how old I am. They think I’m younger than I am because I don’t have kids. This woman at church (with 3 kids, got married early and had the first one at 19) is turning 30 in 2017 and she said something to the effect of you’ll know how it feels when you turn 30. I said I had that feeling 6 years ago. She could not BELIEVE I was 6 years older than her.
And that is pretty much the story of my life.
“You’re 36!”
“You’ve been married 11 years!”
“You look/seem so much younger!”
I can totally relate to this. I’ve always looked younger then I am and not having kids just adds to it. I’m 37 and have had those same responses my whole life, some people even think i’m lying to them.
Yes, I had someone that I worked with (in another location, never met in person) ask, do I have kids? When I said no, he said, oh we must be about the same age then. At that time, he was probably 30. And I was around 40. I just let it drop, because what’s the point.
I get this a work from a woman who is 10 years my junior, has a fraction of the work ethic, and continually gripes about her baby daddy and toddler.
My pet peeve is the requests, jokingly or not, to baby sit like I’m a pre-teen. My response it sure, as I list the junk food I will fill them up with before returning them to their parents!
I once had someone ask me for a 10 hour commitment to babysit while she attended a wedding!
humm 10 hours at $7.50 an Hour…
That how much I would have told them it would cost
7.50?! I made more than that an hour working at a daycare. I would charge them what I would have made an hour at a full time job. That’s assuming I would have said yes.
My excuse is I am retired so been a LONG time & dont even know what Min wage is, and yes it is assuming if you said yes which I didnt mean you had to say yes just thought I would throw that out there as if you start charging people they back off. Didnt mean anything by it.
I didn’t mean to upset you. I was just saying that the they would have to pay me what it would take to make it an inconvenience for them for me to watch the kid. š
I most definitely DID NOT say yes! The last thing I want to do in my jealous and resentful state is give up my weekend babysitting kids I don’t know very well. I want to care for my own. Plain and simple. I wouldn’t ask other for that kind of time commitment.
I wonder if my relationship with my parents would have evolved differently if I’d had children – I still feel like they see me as a child/worry about me as if I’m a child/speak to me sometimes as if I’m unable to make my own decisions/take care of myself. But someone I know who does have children says that she doesn’t feel her relationship with her Dad has changed at all since she’s had children, so maybe not! I would love to have found out, though š
I think Parents naturally worry about their children reguardless of children or not. My problem was I was Moms caregiver and Mom was afraid if something happened to me should would end up alone. I learned (through friends) to make decisions without telling her, I often would go off with the girls and call Mom from another State but not tell her where I was a Pretend I was in town…It worked I didnt feel so much like she was controlling my every move.
I laugh when I read the topic because we moved to Texas to be near family yet while we were there was treated like we didnt know anything about buying, selling houses, cars or even income taxes.
In other words we were definately NOT treated like 62 year old Senior Citizens and when we go back to visit are required to sleep on leather sofas or air beds (Oh my back!!)
I feel it too, although sometimes I think I do it to myself and still struggle with the feeling that my life hasn’t really started and I’m still a kid, waiting for some magical start button to my life. But people also assume I’m younger than I am, but I’ll take it
I just had this conversation with my husband! I get this a lot from my older sister; the treatment that I’m not a real adult or that I don’t have a real family because my husband and I can’t have children. She has two boys. Just last week she “decided” that the family would be spending Christmas at her house – even though she JUST hosted Thanksgiving. When I suggested that we have it at our home instead she responded with a condescending tone, “Oh, thank you for the invitation, that’s so kind, but I think we will do it at my house”. As if I were a twenty-something in my first studio apartment and my suggestion was ever so cute – but utterly unrealistic. And as if she were making all of the decisions – talk about feeling like a kid. I’m 46 by the way, and she’s 50. I told her flat out that I was really hurt by her acting as though my family was not a real adult family because we didn’t have kids. She denied it and eventually finagled her way into hosting. Big surprise.
Now I know that there’s a lot more to the above than just my childless state (ie ongoing, ridiculous sibling rivalry) but why is it that when you have kids you have a family, but when you don’t you’re just a couple? I’m so tired of it. One of these days I’m going to pile my husband, my 2 cats and all of my houseplants onto the sofa – take a photo and send it out to everyone I know as our official FAMILY Christmas card!
Great idea – stick it to them! There were some viral pictures a while back where a couple recreated kid pictures with their new puppy.
100% the same. We’re always at my sibling’s home for holidays. Because then their kids will come. Or whatever.
I can’t say that not having kids. People don’t think of me as an adult.. Most of the time I can accept how things have turned out for us. But I watched some Hallmark movies and one a woman was pregnant. I had a dream I was pregnant.when I woke up in the am at first I thought it was true.i am sure some of this is the suggestion from the movies and the holidays . It’s like when I wake up and I think I hear our dog who we had to put to sleep three months ago. Or it maybe because of the boy we adopted and it did not work out and thinking about him at Christmas. There still is that grief. .i do have to say this grief is so much less than it ever has been. But this was a huge thing. I have to say my holidays have been good , wishing you all peace love and some cyber hugs, we can get thru this together!