We’ve all run up against people who don’t understand us or who simply don’t want to hear about “it” any longer. So this week’s Whiny Wednesday is your chance to talk about:
The Things I Can Never Talk About
You are being heard. -x-
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filling the silence in the motherhood discussion
READ LISA’S AWARD WINNING BOOK
~ "a raw, transparent account of the gut-wrenching journey of infertility."
~ "a welcome sanity check for women left to wonder how society became so fixated on motherhood."
I’m a middle school teacher and we are having parent-teacher conferences today. To say it’s not my favorite day of the year is an understatement. I have already started to keep a running tally for each time one of the teachers say “As a parent…” We have only had one conference this morning and the running total is already 5….. it’s gonna be a longggggg day! sigh xoxo
As soon as people find out about the infertility, either from me or the social grape vine at church, they don’t talk to me period. It is like, well she doesn’t have kids, she has nothing to talk about and so they don’t talk to me at all.
Coming to terms with “life without baby” has been a struggle for me but Christmas time is especially difficult. My husband’s family is so kid oriented, which normally would be a good thing, I guess…unless your in my shoes. We buy Christmas presents for all my husband’s nephews & nieces. Well, actually my husband does this…he buys them and wraps them, because I can not. Especially for the youngest one. It about tore me apart last Christmas, shopping for baby clothes, for someone else’s child. I will never get to shop for a child of my own. I will never have children to watch Rudolph or Frosty with or take to visit Santa Claus.
Nobody gets this, nobody is sympathetic. I’m pretty sure it doesn’t even cross their minds how much it hurts to be a childless mother on Christmas.
Jen – I have waited years for people to have a bit of empathy and understanding – especially at Christmas. Its hard every day – but at Christmas people are talking about it all the time. I’ve come to the realisation – sadly, that no-one gets it and the only way is to remove myself from difficult situations as often as possible (with little white lies as needed). Thinking of you – we get it here.
Jen, it’s so true. We’ve all been there. The subject of childlessness is totally taboo and I think it’s because people just don’t know what to say to us. And yet, what does everyone discuss around the Christmas dinner table? – kids – while my husband and I sit there and stare into our soup.
The sad reality is, the only people who “get it” are people like us.
For what it’s worth you have my heartfelt sympathy and my best wishes that this Christmas is a happy one for you.
Thank you Liza, I appreciate it. I wish you happy holidays as well.
There are so many parties and get togethers during the holiday season that i pretty much go into hiding. My family is big on kids and family, so everything revolves around them. My parents beg me to go, but we have no one to talk to because you can’t carry on a conversation without talking about(their) kids. It’s especially jarring when some won’t let you even hold their baby.
When my mother was alive, she and my sister who has a son, would go on and on about what it is like to have sons (I have a brother). They would talk about when i was there visiting for Xmas, and I felt like I didn’t even exist to them. And they were very aware of the struggles had over the years with infertility. I have a lot of resentment towards,even though my mother is no longer here.
I feel for you. My mother doesn’t get it either.
Likewise – my mother has never got it. I think this may explain my anger towards her of late. My grief has been coming through and I can no longer tolerate being around her because she is so lacking. I try to forgive her (for my own benefit). I do struggle to forgive her insensitivity though – why can’t she get it. The sadness is crippling.
I had a quiet snicker watching the news today. A mother picking up her child at daycare was issued a parking ticket because she was parked in a drop off zone and ran in for 6 minutes to pick up her child, over the 3 minute limit. Of course, she went to the news to complain that the bylaw officer should have waited 10 minutes to see if she was coming back. Nice to see parents treated like the rest of us without the perks they usually get!