Life Without Baby

filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Comments

  1. I was warned to stay home .. and i should’ve listened because I was greeted that dreaded “HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!” greeting .. UGH! one cashier at home depot .. the other cashier at walmart asked me first “Are you a mother?” even though she had the courtesy to ask first .. it still felt like a slap in the face and reminder of what i am NOT .. i hate how people assume that since you are a women, that you are a mom .. so sick of it all!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. For the most I stayed in but on Friday I was getting the car washed with a male friend. The guy the was washing the car, bams on the window and says “Tell that lady Happy Mothers Day.” It was embarrasing and awkward. I just went along with it, it would have been even more awkward.To tell him I’m not a mother. Then..

    I went to Macy’s to get my mother a gift perfuem, after the lady checked me out. She says oh and have a” happy mmm(long pause)..then ” bye!” in a nonchalant way.. She was about to say “Happy Mother’s day, and I guess. I have that non mother look. That felt way worst than being wished, happy mother’s day. I know I look younger than my age. But the world is filled with young mother’s. I took it very personal and almost said something to her. It was just rude to almost, say it. Then obviously catch yourself, Im glad it was early and know one saw. But a simple have a nice day would have been good.

    On Saturday I visited another Macys with a friend, who wanted my opinion on a gift. We went to the perfuem section. It was packed with mothers and kids laughing, music was playing, they were giving out baloons, and roses. I told my fried I needed to go to the car, it was just overwheling.
    Its painful being childless but its awful Being alone and not having a man. To try and get pregnant again with. I am watching my last fertile years pass me by.
    So I am envying those women who have husbands and men in their life. Because I don’t even have the option to try any more. Not many here will understand this but, Social Infertility is real and its devastating.

    • Oh yes, social infertility is real… I met my partner when I was 39 and he, who had two teenage sons, did not want more children.

      It was a hard time in my life, the beginning of our relationship, when I had to decide if I should stay, and not even get to try to have a child, or to leave, and try to find another partner and maybe have a chance to become a parent.

      I stayed.
      It’s hard not to think about my choices and decisions and think “what if” and to not regret things.

  3. Sunday started great ! At Church they prayed for those women unable to conceive, those who lost their children, so on and so on. Service was great !
    Till I got to Starbucks and then I was asked; r u a mother ? Nope, I said. And I replied: you ?
    No, she said, and added: I guess I am the mother of my pet.
    I was very straight forward: I can’t be the mother of a furry animal !! I am too cute !! I said it loud !!!

    I relax the rest of the day, alone @ home !! And I didn’t even though about my deceased mother.

  4. I am a strange one…you see I LOVE Mothers Day, a long time ago I realized it was not about me or my depressions but about MY Mom and I doted on her, I loved on her, I shopped for her, we dressed alike and we enjoyed each other…then she was gone so I said to myself, Do I sit alone and cry because I have no Mother and I am not a Mother or do I enjoy life? So I bought about 16 Mothers Day cards from the Dollar Store and I mailed them out to women who longed to be Moms, or women that had lost Moms, or stressed out Moms, whomever I felt needed a card and I felt good…each Mothers day gets better and better, Yes I am a Mother, I have a Mothers heart and it makes me proud when someone says “Happy Mothers Day” I smile and say “Thank You!”
    You see I now have no husband but plan on still celbrating Valentines day, I dont turn away when someone says “Happy Valentines Day” because I have no Valentine…
    I may not have a Mother, or be a Mom but I Honor other Moms and the position they have each and every day.

    • It’s a very nice attitud Nita. I also dedicate that day to my mom. But, when she is no longer here, I don’t know if I’ll be able to honor other moms with the same enthusiasm… well, I’ll worry when I get there. šŸ™‚

      • I have found the more I give, the more I receive. I dont honor others for me, but for them & this years received several cards and gifts…I Love passing on my love and I end up with love in return

        • That’s very healthy and good for the heart. I hope I’ll get there soon šŸ˜‰

    • We always get together as a family for Mother’s Day… And for me it was always about honoring my mom and my aunts. Last year and this year I bought a little something for everyone who has or had ovaries, whether they have children or not. I received two gifts, too. I always gave gifts to my two aunts who did not have children… So I guess it is tradition now… It feels more like just an occasion to get together and eat and chat. I am not however where Nita is… I love doing things for others, but I have a hard time celebrating mothers/motherhood in general. I don’t post anything about it on social media, and I don’t make calls to friends about it. I used to, but not anymore. I guess I still have just that little bit of resentment I haven’t let go off.

  5. So y’all said ‘stay off facebook’ and I didn’t listen.. but it wasn’t the friends and family, it was, for starters the ‘Happy Mothers’ Day from Facebook’ post.. oh for friggs sake; I thought facebook supposedly knew every blimmin thing about us, anyway??

  6. I did stay home that horrible day of the year. But I still felt bombarded with the happy messages. Even 3 days later the family pics are posted on FB. Then you know of course you just drive down the road and you see people walking and one woman has a baby bump. Emotions plummet. Will these feelings ever go away?!

  7. With each passing year Mother’s Day gets a little better. I went to my mom’s on Saturday. Stayed home from church on Sunday. Church is just a bit much of a slap in the face still. Bubble bath, pjs all day, Netflix, and watched Moana for the first time.

  8. This M’s day was actually harder for me. It seemed like my FB page was filled with articles, photos and happy chatter about Mother’s Day for more than a week prior and extending to the day after (mothers thanking their children for giving them a great mother’s day, that sort of aftermath). I thought about my miscarriages, my aging, sick mother, my beloved fur baby who died on my birthday a week after Mother’s Day last year, and was aware of others suffering incredibly in unobserved silence. Sometimes, I selfishly think that certain holidays just aren’t worth it for the pain that they cause so many. Next year, I will have to do better at protecting myself.

  9. My own mother has passed away, so couldn’t go spend it with her. That was out for a long time. This year I just stayed home and didn’t pay the least bit of attention to this made-up day. In the past this day once sliced my heart when a waitress cheerily asked “Are you a mother?” in deciding whether I got a free piece of pie. That really caught me off guard.By that point in my infertility struggle I’d seen numerous people get pregnant and carry their pregnancies and become mothers. I tried with all my might to become a mother and still did not get to join in their exclusive club. We tried for years afterwards to have children to no avail. We didn’t adopt either, but that’s another story.

    I’ve since gone out to those meals sayiing ‘Yes’ to get a dessert without guilt. Embryos count, right?

    Thankfully I am largely at peace now. So Mother’s Day is a big “meh” to ignore and miss my own mother. Now people around me are becoming grandparents. I’ll never be part of the Mother / Grandmother Club, but that’s okay. Well, most days it is okay. šŸ™‚ Some days… still hurts and I pick at the emotional scar.

    Recently came across someone talking about her infertility story, which lead me to this blog. Thought I’d say something.

  10. My whine today is the outpouring of support given to single mothers. I read an article about a university program who provided financial support to a woman who became pregnant at 19, but vowed to complete her education. If that wasn’t enough, we went and had herself another baby! Yes, lets give her money to complete her degree. All starving students should know this trick!
    Having children is a choice that comes with immense responsibility – its not our job as tax payers to give a leg up to those who don’t understand that.
    If only you needed a license to reproduce!!