When a reader suggested this week’s topic, I spotted myself immediately. The topic is:
Staying busy to fill the hole left by children
Work, hobbies, school, projects, friends in need, volunteering: Have you packed your life with busyness in order to fill a gap?
It’s Whiny Wednesday. What’s on your mind today?
No matter what loss occurs in your life, the secret is to keep busy and enjoy the life you now have
I have worked with children, helped the parents, enjoyed craft groups, now I let younger ones work with children although I do help occasionally, my parents are gone, my husband is gone and another new era of life occurs.
I find I spend my time doing luncheons with friends, traveling with tour groups, exercizing at the gym, walking with friends and meeting new people
Who knows what new era lies in my future so as hard as it is to Journey through loss whether it be the loss of having children or the loss of family & your spouse we have to enjoy what life we have left
Please pray for me as it is my first Christmas in 38 years without my love but I know sitting alone would not be good
God bless you, comfort and strengthen you, Nita. May you be guided to people and places and experiences that nurture and fulfill you. I am very sorry for your loss. (((Hugs)))
Hugs…I’m sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine being in your shoes.
Nita, I am praying for you to have peace of mind and wisdom to know the will of God in your life.
…and that’s how we feel our holes, by nurturing each other. HUGS!!
I’m so sorry for your loss, Nita. Am holding you in prayer and hoping you get some Christmas cheer today.
I am becoming my Mothers parent. Days like today when I am with her from 11:00am to 6:30 and don’t stop for more than a few moments I wonder how I could do this if I had a child. I dont think I would be able to afford it emotionally or finically the energy and time with her.
My 76 year old Mother will be the “child” I care for. I will not raise her because with every week her end draws more near.
I will survive her and morn her.
I dealt with that, its called role reversal she becomes the child and you become the Mom keeping track of medications, making decisions for her. Bless your heart it is not easy and it is ever as important as raising a child. Love on that lady while you can, I miss mine every day but no regrets either.
This is so true. Keeping myself busy helped so much. I never noticed the year, for this year I enrolled for my MBA. Weekends without the extra activities brings me a lot of time to get upset at my being childless.
Keeping my blog updated, spending more time with my nieces and nephews and my husband, and work makes everyday more bearable.
Nita, thinking of you and all my fellow friends on this journey. I saw my sister in law last night, her daughter is having a baby. My sister in law had lots of problems conceiving so it’s a trigger for her. Of course it’s a trigger for me. They had a baby shower for her and I did not attend, I did tell her why, related to our adoption disruption which occurred about six years ago. My sister in law kept going on about her daughter gestational diabetes, and all she says to do . I started out ok, but she was increasingly negative. So after about 5 minutes of the ins and outs of her daughters pregnancy, I told her that the baby was a miracle and she needed to be grateful and not negative. I could not believe it. I have thought this stuff so much but never had the courage to say it. I was not nasty but firm. Then I saw my Dr. Yesterday and we discussed a total hysterectomy, which I am fo, but it’s such a mixed bag emotionally. My lady parts have not been able to achieve the ultimate goal motherhood, which Most of the time I have accepted, but hearing my sister in law go on and on about this, was tough. I never wanted to think about it, but loss is so much a part of living. I had to go to a funeral of my college friend, who had m8 or knee surgery and then had a blood clot and died. It still seems so surreal to me. But talking with others or crying it out, or walking it out, helps, sometimes I have to accept I am sad , instead of trying to run away or busy myself from it. This blog has been so helpful to me to be willing to accept being childless not by choice. What comfort I have received from knowing others understand as many don’t. Much
I’ve and hugs.
More and more parents are embracing (their words) aka enforcing gift giving limits. There are even catchy slogans about it “something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read”.
Except what that boils down to is that only parents end up with the fun of picking and giving the four gifts and everyone else is encouraged to “give the gift of experiences”.
Sounds nice…until the parent has to trust you with their kid…which most have struggles with or in some cases it is just not practical…so in that case the “gift of experience” turns into you paying for someone to have a fun experience with their kid while you remain at home…alone…end rant.
ewwww. Don’t let them force you into this kind of gift-giving.
No. I have filled my life with business because I want to do interesting stuff, contribute to society, learn new things, and be part of groups and social circles. None of that is there to “fill a gap”. It’s there in it’s own right and has it’s own worth. What I would want to whine about is people thinking behind my back, that these things are there to “replace” a child.
You make a valid point, Elena. We are not trying to “replace” the children that we couldn’t have. We are simply trying to live our lives fully, as they are, giving back in the best ways we know how.