Even the most festive among us has to hit holiday burnout at some point. And if you’re trying drum up your holiday spirit and keep coming up empty, you may have hit this point sometime around Halloween.
So this week’s Whiny Wednesday topic is simply:
The Holidays
Feel free to unleash your inner Grinch…or not.
This season brings up a lot of feelings and memories. Some are good, others are really hard. But overall, I just feel numb. Like moving through the motions of my life without actually being able to fully engage in any of it.
I definitely have mixed emotions. This month is our final month of TTC for good, and I don’t even want to try. We have some good distractions going on right now planning a trip for Easter and a trip in June, and we’re going away for NYE, so we have lots of fun things to think about moving ahead. This might be why I’m getting through this holiday season somewhat ok.
I get resentful/annoyed when I hear people ask others if their kids are ready for Christmas, if they [as parents] are ready for Christmas, and any time I see stuff online about that Elf on a Shelf crap.
I’ve made it a practice to not visit during the holidays. Those days of traditional Christmas mornings are gone.
I came two weeks before. I had to sit through an entire discussion of the labor experiences of 4 different women. The good thing is that I didn’t even notice it at first actually. Not until my sister said something about hating butterflies for a long time because she focused on the butterflies on the wall in the delivery room. I had to resist the urge to say that I would have given anything to hate butterflies. But I didn’t want to ruin the mood. It was a lively discussion but it went on too long and not one even noticed that I sat there in silence.
I’m so sorry, Cathy. 🙁
My husband & I got into a little spat recently. I mentioned I wasn’t looking forward to the holidays and couldn’t wait until it was over. I got a hasty “WHY is that?” Why?? Really?! Of all people the one person who I thought would understand WHY completely let me down. So I had to explain to him how the holidays serve a reminder of what is missing in life. Xmas is about making traditions with family & kids. We’ll never have our own family. Just gifts under the tree for other people’s children.
Needless to say, that was not the most fun conversation. I was left in tears and my husband, apparently confused & frustrated that the holidays still cause such a problem for me. Would’ve been nice to get a hug and support but guess that’s too much to expect.
I hate the expectation that adults without children will automatically travel to where the adults with children are. I’m starting to feel like adults without kids don’t get any respect. As the years go on, my family may think I’m “over” my infertility and that it’s in the past. Well I am past the darkest, most painful times, but there are still difficult moments more often than I’d like. And watching my sisters and my parents play with my cousins’ kids, when I wanted them to be awesome aunts and grandparents to my children, is still too hard for me. I know it will get better as the kids get older but this is where I am right now. So this year I wish my family well and I will miss them, but I am skipping the traveling and the heartache.
I agree with you on the expectation of traveling to wherever the people with kids are. We always have to drive over an hour for many family occasions because of this, and it pisses me off!!!
Quite agree Pheonix – I feel that adults without children don’t get any respect either. We’ve put a brave face on it for such a long time – we made the break 2 years ago and now we escape and find sanctuary in the mountains skiing over Christmas. Just the 2 of us – not what I dreamed of but this is now our Christmas and I actually have found my Christmas sparkle again. We leave on 19th Dec and don’t get back till 30th. Here and there we get the “wish you could be round with us” – well its not good for us. Everyone thinks we are over it – I will never be over it and Christmas will not involve me sitting on the sidelines of everyone else’s life. We now live our life. And they will have to get over us not being there – we’re expected to get over not having children!
I think you are very strong to create a Christmas just for you–one that brings you joy.
I love that you say you “found [your] Christmas sparkle again.” I’m so glad!
Unfortunately we live with my parents in law. And there was this one so called friend who would come to the house unannounced, with her children. I hated people who come to my house uninvited, so we just go out this Christmas to avoid this to happen again.
And there are these relatives of my husband who would ask for gifts, bringing their children. I’d probably buy cookies for the children but no gifts or money for the adults. That’s just too much, they always expect for gifts when we are not even friends.
This is the part of our culture that I hate the most, like anybody can just ask for gifts since it’s Christmas.
Two of my nieces just had babies this last week. Even though I am truly happy for them, it had brought so much pain to my heart. I am crying every day. We are supposed to go see them on Christmas Eve. My 89 year old Mom ( who I adore) wants to see her great grandchildren. It seems like more than I can bear but I know that I must go for her. There isn’t anyone else to take her. Thank you for letting me be whiny today.
❤️
My husband & I got into a little spat the other night. I mentioned I was not looking forward to the holidays and I got a harsh “WHY is that”? Really?? “WHY…because Christmas is about traditions with family & KIDS, gifts wrapped under the tree for other people’s children…” Basically I told him the holidays are a reminder to me of what I don’t have. I feel left out.
And the one person who should without a doubt understand my feelings seemed frustrated and completely unsympathetic. No comforting words, no hug, just awkward silence. I was left with tears & regret that I even brought it up.
I don’t know where to start. I don’t have family in the USA and never got pregnant so… my family starts and ends up with me.
I have friends, all of them have children and grandchildren, so you know….
….I was invited to spend Christmas Eve with a group of neighbors, young widows and women without kids…. Yay!!! Finally!
Cheering for you! J
I hear you all, and feel your pain. A club none of us wants to be in…
My gripe is Christmas cards. We bought a house this year, and I have not given out our address, as I do not want people to send me photocards of their beautiful children. It only grinds the knife into the gaping hole already in my heart. (I also stopped sending cards – except to a choice few people – when it became obvious that the audience to which the online card and gift stores market was not me, and it was too painful to send a card without the “right” type of photos (aka those of a baby or babies). It is bad enough trying to figure out what our plan will be to avoid sitting there watching gleeful children open presents after Santa comes at either of my siblings’ homes; I don’t need photos of people’s futures actively coming into my home. If those who send us cards truly wanted to wish us the best at the holidays, why not send a handwritten note in a photoless card? Facebook does the job of sharing photos these days (and, thankfully allows unfollowing); cards do not need to do so.
Wishing you all some grand adventure that makes the holiday season special for you!