By Lisa Manterfield
“I take pleasure in my transformations. I look quiet and consistent, but few know how many women there are in me.”
~Anaïs Nin
There’s an idea going around that not having children somehow makes us “less of a woman.” I don’t subscribe to this idea.
As this quote by author Anaïs Nin states, I am many, many women, and “mother” is only one element of me.
I am a writer, friend, wife, cat mama, reader, thinker, curser, fighter, nature-lover, spider catcher, traveler, cook.
All these women are fluid. They ebb and flow in me as needed. And when one of them isn’t able to fulfill her purpose, the others quickly rally to fill the gap, so I am always whole.
I am never less of a woman.
Our circumstances never define us, our abilities, interests and personalities are what define us…I am a Poet, blogger, crocheter, crafter, jigsaw puzzler, Sukudo crossword puzzler, do it yourselfer (was not that until hubby passed), yep spider squasher (also passed down from the husband), traveler, friend to many (dont cook just eat out with friends), Christian, retiree, and that is just a glimpse of the real ME
Thank you for raising awareness that we shouldn’t let us define by circumstance, Lisa! And thank you, Nita, for your poetic words…
“I take pleasure in my transformations. I look quiet and consistent, but few know how many women there are in me.”
~Anaïs Nin
I am a woman, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a sister-in-law, a godmother, a friend, a teacher, a reader, a traveller, a dancer, a cat-lover, a cook, and that is just a glimpse of the real ME.
I agree that we are not less. Definitely feels as if others perceive us that way sometimes. Very difficult to handle. Is especially difficult for me at times, when friends want to discard my opinions, ideas, advice when it comes to working with children. I have been a pediatrician therapist for almost 32 years. I have a lot of experience with MANY children. Sometimes the parents of my patients do give me such wonderful feedback. A mother recently wrote this to me (regarding her now 16 year old who I provided therapy to from about 1 years to 3 years old): Just so you know, Lee, you were a really big part of K’s success and resilience. Thank you for your work in helping K with her PT but also in helping me learn to be a mom to a child with special needs! You gave me great advice and taught me to be her advocate without being a “smother”. She is a very independent girl!
Was so heartwarming to hear this.
Thank you for this post, Lisa! I am not less of a woman.
I am a wife, dog mom, aunt, host mom, daughter, friend, fashionista, blogger who tries to look at the bright sides of infertility and childlessness… I am not perfect, and there are days I struggle. But I am not less!
Thats beautiful
I really appreciate the focus of this post–on what we have–our experiences of ourselves–the full rich experience of ourselves and not letting something we don’t have define us as women.
This the reason the UK’s first Conference for childless women and affiliated social media is titled ‘We Are Many’… One of the Blogs explained as you have above, that we have many facets within ourselves.We are also have many gifts: wisdom, compassion, resilience, …… We are also many in number and whilst that has a sadness to it I also gain strength from knowing it.
[The NoMo’S = Not Mothers. Courtesy of Jody Day’s Plan B book]
Like Brandi’s post, I am a wife, aunt, host mom, daughter, and friend (I don’t have a dog, though). I’m a sister, niece, cousin, traveler, supervisor (at work), musician, reader, well i could go on and on.
I’ve gotten that “not a real woman” crap (and variations thereof) on occasion from those who don’t know me really well (my friends and family know my situation). When that happens, I mentally pull out my “childfree bingo/breeder bingo” card.
Anyway, a colleague of mine had to have ostomy surgery done a couple of years ago. When she told me about it, I did a little research on it. I found this article https://ostomyconnection.com/lifestyle/what-i-do-when-people-say-rude-and-unkind-things-about-my-ostomy Scroll down to points #2 and #3. We’re not the only ones, apparently, who are told we’re “less-than-a-woman”.