Often we feel pressure to do something incredible with our lives because we won’t be doing the other “incredible” thing: being mothers.
In the past it’s sparked some healthy discussion, so I thought I’d use it as this week’s Whiny Wednesday topic:
Feeling the pressure to do something else amazing instead
Let the healthy discussion begin!
Our Plan B is to travel. We have been to a lot of amazing places since we have decided to live a childless life. Even before we completely crossed the parent road, we would take one vacation as a break from the hell we were going through. As time has past the trips keep getting more amazing.
Last year we went to Miami/Key West and a Baltic Sea Cruise
This years trips are a Caribbean Cruise and a Mediterranean Cruise
We have friends that live through our vacation pictures because they have kids and can’t afford to take the vacations that we do.
Being able to travel is definitely a perk of being childless. My husband and I greatly enjoy our trips, as well. We just got back from North Carolina, are talking about going to Europe, and already have a trip planned to New Orleans!
That’s wonderful! Wishing you many more lovely adventures ahead! 🙂
We also love to travel and I have trips planned out for the next few years. I love being able to go out and see the world.
Love this! My husband and I have discussed this as a plan b as well. As we have 3siberian husky kiddos I’d love to travel to places that are pet friendly. Mountainous and great for hikes. Away from the chaos and social media, daily life and explore!
Often times I feel this pressure a lot .. sometimes I cannot sleep at night just thinking about what others are thinking of me and i know it’s robbing me of my peace .. i am trying to work on shutting out negative vibes and just simply living and appreciating my life .. thank you for this.
One thing that has helped me with this is that I learned in 5th grade that no matter what you do, say, look like, have or don’t have people will talk about you, hate you, and make try to make you feel bad.
I learned way back then to stop caring what others thought about me and to do the things that make me happy because whether I did it or not people were going to think negative about me one way or another no matter what I did.
I was the skinny girl in high school, weighing in at only 98 lbs. (I am no longer that skinny girl…oh how I wish I was.) I wasn’t liked more because I was skinny, I had nasty rumors spread about me. One friend was average weight, but very pretty and they hated her, I had another friend that was over weight and was made fun of because of that.
You have to do what makes you happy and just stop caring about what others think. They are miserable people who love company by making others around them miserable too.
Right on
You are so right Kara! I just learned about this fact later in life. But better late than never.
So true!
So often I feel guilty or frustrated with my life because I haven’t achieved motherhood, but I also haven’t achieved…pretty much anything else. You know, the stuff everyone tells you that you can do because you don’t have kids? Go to school, travel, have crazy adventures and make wild memories…yeah, I still have a life I have to live, which includes bills and health insurance and car issues. I don’t get to be a mother, and I also don’t get to lead a glamorous care-free lifestyle. It feels like I get the short end of the stick on all sides sometimes.
Hang in their Priscilla – I do know how you feel. We are able to travel these days but the trips can be few and far between. In-between times its work, bills and worries and I still stifle sadness on a daily basis. I like to focus on daily things to look forward to – a good movie, new lipstick. And I remind myself regularly that motherhood is full of worries, temper tantrums and there is probably far more of the latter than we sometimes see. Be kind to yourself and thinking of you.
Such a compassionate way of looking at small and large joys. Thanks Jane!
My greatest achievement is living through all the crap that multiple babyloss and infertility brings. The feeling excluded, the social isolation. My unnoticed silence in crowded spaces where people rattle on about their families and nobody notices that I don’t contribute.
I haven’t got an outstanding career, because babyloss ended what I originally set out to do, however I am gainfully employed and get to go nice places during my time off work. I have also opted to not take stressful roles, precisely because living through this has made me crave quality of life.
I’m lucky that I don’t need a career or a family to feel fulfilled; I already feel this way and with it there’s a sense of peace as I’m in charge of my own destiny – something friends with kids/grandchildren can’t say as they’re constantly helping out or have commitments to their offspring.
I’m hoping to enjoy more trips away this year without the emotional and financial ties most of my friends have to shoulder!
That’s exactly how I feel, Bamberlamb. My greatest accomplishment is surviving infertility. I survived the worst years while TTC and then I survived the dark years that followed after I quit TTC. Now I survive infertility daily by rising above the ignorant comments, my unnoticed silences, and social isolation.
I am back in school for a new career, but I don’t expect to change the world with it or anything. It’s just that I went into my last career because it worked well with having children. Now that I know I am not going to be having children, I want to do something different from my old job as I wake up and go to work every day.
I also don’t like to travel. So I am working on moving to somewhere that I like so I can be content to be where I am while living, working, cooking, and running errands.
I don’t see changing jobs or moving as accomplishments, but I definitely see surviving infertility as an accomplishment. And, quite honestly, I am proud of myself.
I am chronically ill and mostly housebound, except for a few hours a month that I then have ‘pay’ for the rest of the month. My health means that I cannot have a family but neither can I work, travel, be amazing or otherwise fill that hole.
I’m so sorry that you struggle with illness and cannot travel, etc. You are, however, amazing, Her Indoors. I have no doubt that you have special talents that only you can offer this world. It needs your voice, your perspective, you…
Thank you, Brandi
I focus on travel, volunteering and being a good Aunty. I got the greatest complement of my life this week; my 6 year old niece has decided she wants to grow up and be an Aunty. Not a doctor or astronaut – she wants to be me.
That is so incredible, Kelly! Definitely made me smile! 🙂
Interesting discussion because I am older (63) and I look back on my life. I felt no pressure but only what I gave myself to do…so what have I done in my life?
I have traveled, we were married 39 years and had campers, RVs, motorcycles, and bus tours (still continuing after loss of my spouse), had happiness (whether through infertility or widowhood I have vowed not to let circumstances of life destroy my happiness), made tons of friends, cocheted lots of projects even winning awards, involved in a Cross-Stitch group giving away cross-stitch and again had awards, lets just say lots of crafting, joined exercize programs, became caregiver to both parents, aunt and finally my husband, I retired after working on the job 27 years, I worked with many, many children at church and enjoyed helping the little ones even if they were not mine, we hosted an exchange student so I can honestly say I was Mom for a year
I am still doing and going, I have tons of crafting projects that keep me busy, I continue what my husband and I started by working on Jigsaw puzzles, I still do Zumba twice a week, I enjoy luncheons with friends and I still travel….
I have had a good life and still plan on having one
All of this stuff sounds really fun and/or meaningful!!! 🙂 I plan to live my life this way as well.
Sounds like a satisfying meaning full life to me 🙂
I like my life, except for the no children issue, but still feel that longing to do “more” and the wondering of others of what makes my life meaningful.
My husband is not interested in travelling, so I haven’t traveled much during our ten years together.
But I’m going to start this year!
I can’t adapt my whole life for him.
We met ten years ago, are going to get married this year and are happy together.
But… when we met, he had two teenage sons and didn’t want more children. I went to hell and back deciding whether to stay with him or to try on my own somehow or try to find someone else, who wanted to try to have children with me.
I was 39. I stayed. It’s been, and still is, hard but I don’t regret it.
But now, I have to start living my life more.
I refuse to fly because it’s so bad for the environment. It makes me furious when parents, that say they do anything for their kids, fly instead of travel by train – they should care if the environment is destroyed for their children’s sake!
So I’m going to start travelling again this year. By train.
If my husband doesn’t want to come along, he can stay at home and I’ll send him a post card.
Most people with kids that I know have traveled more than I have, so it’s about time I catch up.
But I guess the answer to the question if I feel pressure to do amazing things. Yes, I feel the pressure and no, I haven’t done anything amazing.
The pressure to do something amazing because we don’t have kids & have that freedom is one of my biggest pet peeves. I have a whole collection of articles about how it’s OK to lead an average, unspectacular, “mediocre” life. I’ve been trying to do a(nother) blog post on this top for months now… perhaps I will succeed, eventually. 🙂
My Opinion is we ALL are a success, we all are outstanding and spectacular no matter what we do. The thing we need to remember is just because someone has children does not make them any more outstanding or spectacular then us. Children is not what defines a person, abilities and tallents is what defines a person. I know many overworked, unappreciated Moms who are struggling to find their identities because they have no time other than their children and they are unhappy.
A big Yes to this!