Graduation season is upon us and social media has been abuzz with snapshots of proud parents and their offspring. So it seems like a good time for this week’s Whiny Wednesday topic:
Feeling left out when friends and relatives celebrate parenting milestones.
As always, your other whines are always welcome.
I had a conversation with a friend whose youngest is graduating and leaving for college in the fall.
She said, “I just don’t know what I’ll do now.”
I said, “You can do the things you like now. You can be you.”
She said, “My life has been about my kids and what they wanted that I don’t even know what I like or who I am without them.”
I have friends that have kids but still maintain who they are at the same time. How sad it is that this person has lost them self in the process of raising kids. These are the people that only know how to talk about their kids and not the world around them or even talk about them self.
Milestones time keeping is hard. I had to find a way to mark time. My time keeping has become measuring how many years since I went to Russia, Hawai’i, Panama Canal trip….etc. I mark it by my vacations.
Kara, that’s EXACTLY what I do! I remember my sister’s wedding anniversary because it was six days before we went to South Africa, and my niece’s age because she was born the year before. And I’m not ashamed of that either. ;p;
My two youngest nieces are graduating this year. These two were born during the time I was first trying to get pregnant. My child (had he/she been born healthy and average) would have been a year behind them. The sadness is there, but I’m dealing with it well. I have a rock cover band. I like to think I’d still be singing, but my life is as stable as it can be at the moment and I just live day to day.
My niece graduated college and she too was born when my husband and I were trying to get pregnant. I was relieved when I discovered that we were not included/invited to attend her graduation ceremony and pleased when the next day her party we had to leave early for my father’s 85th birthday. All because if we had had children they would be about the same age and now those old feelings that I thought I had dealt with have bubbled back up and am tarnishing my thoughts and I am feeling sad. My other sister-in-law invited us to her daughters’ graduation next May (she attends school out of state) and although my husband was enthusiastic I just stood there and didn’t respond feeling all those sad feelings all over again. On one hand I want to be included but on the other . . . I, too, try to live day by day when others are enjoying/celebrating their children’s milestones.
I see the happy faces of the grads and the proud parents taking pictures. So many of my friends have kids who are graduating or will be graduating. I remember when my wife and I planned our niece’s HS graduation party. I remember picking up her cake and the cashier smiling at us. And just for a moment I felt like I was a mother. It was a strange filling and depleting feeling all at the same time. Strange how my fantasies still keep me in denial. I’m 52 now and know it won’t happen; and it’s hard to let the fantasy go. Because how in the world can I grieve something I never had and how can I ever fill the ‘baby-sized’ hole in my heart?
Sigh, I have to get a life.
First I didn’t travel because I couldn’t afford it. Now I don’t fly because it’s so bad for the environment and I never have the time to travel by train – and my partner, who didn’t want more kids than the two he had when we met, doesn’t like to travel.
And why do I care about the environment and the future of the world when all the parents around me don’t??
I don’t think Mother’s Day was even over before my mommy friends on social media started counting down the time left in the school year. For some of them in the U.S., it was a matter of days. Here in Canada, most schools go straight till the end of June, which means enduring a solid month & a half of photos & mommybragging re: track & field day, awards ceremonies, prom, graduation, last day of school, etc. etc. Sigh.